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Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

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Anything anyone wants to get off their chests. Feel free to rant to rant about problems too. i will start.
there's this kid, to protect his identity his name is "j". J is friends with this kid named "r", I'm also friends with r. J thinks he is a "hacker" because of this youtube channel called project zorgo. he says he gets info for this group thus making him a hacker. I asked him if he even knows what Wireshark is. of course, he said no and then called me a nerd for a whole month. he also steals jokes from people. one day he found out I like an arg website. j knows r hates args and so he went to the site and bookmarked it and told r that is was me. r stopped hanging out with me, I had no friends and that threw me into a depressed state. I didn't know at the time what he did I thought r just didn't like me which now gives me really bad trust issues. I can't even really trust my therapist now. a couple of days ago r made up a story about me throwing rocks at him. j said I was crazy for doing that.

I really want to make this fucker suffer how should I go about doing that.
65 posts and 13 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


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Culture is recursing and fragmenting like some fractal.

You see the recursion pretty clearly with memes. A meme is a reference to previous instances of the same meme. 90% of the enjoyment of a meme is just the feeling of "I get that reference." Sure, you get a chuckle the first time, but the power comes from the fact that it gets stronger with repetition rather than weaker like most jokes.

The fragmentation may be more serious. Instead of conversations we have isolated posts and tweets. Memes are fragments of culture rather than complete stories. Attention spans are getting too short for the comfortable reading of books. Social groups are becoming disconnected, everyone in their own little echo bubble.

I don't know where this process ends but it seems to be accelerating. Perhaps we each isolate ourselves into our own unique world. Or maybe the loops become zero size and we get a moment of cultural introspection.


> Now whats considered an innovative story is taking the same soykaf we've seen a thousand times before and putting a slightly different spin on it, viola! what innovation! Enjoy seeing the same soykaf over and over forever.

You're free to ignore it. Meanwhile there is a golden age of independent media happening. Creative people with ideas who 20 years ago would have been relegated to community theatre or a local writer's circle can now crowdfund their projects and make interesting films. If you ive in a big city or somewhere with a lot of students, you should benefit from a small cinema that will show some of them. If not, like me for instance, you can get them online.

There is no reason to give a soykaf about the latest Marvel film if it doesn't interest you. The entertainment press has usually ignored quality art since it had existed anyway.


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You either read pic related or should check it.


Everything is boring, I can't get myself to to anything. I used to spend my countless hours on my computer and now I can't sit on that chair for more than 2 hours without feeling bored, tired and not feeling like doing anything. I don't know, maybe I'm bored of my current life style as a neet. I want to be better, to achieve things and have a balanced life with different activities and hobbies but it's hard to get because I'm broke and my parents are poor as dirt. I'm afraid of the outside world, afraid of people and Society. I know some o you will tell me to "man up" and "just go out bro" but I'd have already done it if it was that simple and easy. I can't help but think about how miserable my life has become and it feels like I'm losing tiny pieces of my soul day after day. I totally can't enjoy anything anymore, no matter how many times I fap, play vidya, watch anime.. You name it, none of these make me feel better although they used to be my main methods of escapism. I want to get into instruments but I'm too poor to afford any but it's fine because I don't deserve my life and I don't want it.


How rich and developed is your country?

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Hey so I have this sort of theory or take on the relationship between hunger, boredom and loneliness.

I'm not gonna focus on what hunger is, but I get strong vibes of "change" and "void" from it. It seems to be intrinsic to living things, it allows the thing to remain active and in control, in contrast to things that do not eat and are thus just animated by external forces. Think of food, fuel, electricity, sunlight. Think of how humans seek out their food and managed to create objects that cannot seek out their own food - thus we retain the control over them, by denying or providing their food/fuel.
More complex, higher level lifeforms seem to have increasingly complex forms of hunger. While simple cellular things or light bulbs just nom stuff reflexively, mammals or hybrid powred cars have various behaviors to control when and how much food they eat which adapts to the situation. Both your dog and your car will communicate to you with increasing effort that they are hungry and they need that food - though the dog will likely seek it out itself while the car is forced to collapse predictably.
While food does have to have certain composition, its intake is still quantity-based. You eat five apples, okay. You get hungry again, you can eat five more. You can keep doing this for a pretty damn long time too. So this is where boredom starts to stick out.

While eating apples will keep chasing your hunger away based on quantity of consumption, boredom isn't digesting the material of the apple - it is digesting the pattern, type, idea, the quality of the apple. Once boredom has digested "apple", you are fucked - you can keep eating apples all you want, the pattern hunger that is boredom will not leave you. What may have been hundreds of apples to your hunger is just one meal to your boredom. The meal is digested, eating the same thing is still that meal that is already gone. You need a meal of a different quality, a different pattern. So you start eating oranges. Or you make apple pie. Or you just stop eating altogether and this new pattern of "I'm hungry as fuck" will satiate your boredom - not to mention the third pattern of "end of starvation" once you start eating apples again.

But as time goes on, boredom will eventually digest the "apples - starvation - end of starvation" pattern as well, and now you're even more royally fucked than before.
So that is it, boredom gnawing at any and all things that happen in your life, mPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


wow, good point anon. I totally agree. Bump so more people can see this thread

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Day by day we are getting closer and closer to the cyberpunk reality. How are you feeling today Lainons?
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I can still feel carnal pleasure.. sex feels good.. but my sense of bliss and joy is a thing of the past. I'll leave it at that.


I'm still waiting for my AI waifu.


ahhhhh brother, you and me both.

i envision that in the future most everybody will grow up with 1 or more "imaginary friends" only they'll be REAL, and AI, and by default only you'd be able see them through some Augmented reality tech, but you could also connect with others ad allow them to see your companions if you wanted… bliss (:


your probably depressed, even if you don't value the aforementioned you should still look at treatment cause depression is also often associated with cognitive decline.


not true at all, these are very exiting times, only a very boring and mundane world exists in parallel, you just have to choose what world you want to be a part of. its kinda like magic and wizards and stuff, sure there is normal people as well, and they don't use magic very much or even think about it, and it seems rather strange and daunting to them. but for the ambitious young sorcerer THE GREAT WONDERS AND MYSTERIES OF THIS WORLD AWAIT!

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Share a short experience you recently had.

> At McDonald's, moth similar to pic related starts flying around all they lights near me.

> Flies into one of those bug trap lights.
> stuck in the sticky stuff, I can hear its wings continue to flap as it tries to get free.
> the light is up high and I would half to pull up a chair to get to it, also i imagine if i tied to pull it free it would probably pull off what ever limb is stuck in the sticky goo.
> sorry moth.
> it somehow gets out on its own and lands on my leg.
> Ive got one shot at this!
> quickly and gently cup hands around moth and bring it outside where it flies away into the night.


I should have helped it sooner. but I'm happy it survived.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


>laying on my floor
>lift my chin and look directly behind me at my window
>this window has blinds that are closed, but there was one blind that was stuck open. this created a single slit that allowed me to see the outside
>focus on this slit
>see against a clear blue sky a single plane gently gliding across the sky
>perfectly align with that single 2" slit, from one end to the next
>can't hear it. only see it.
>disappears, leaving nothing but blue sky

That moment got me thinking about chance. How if I hadn't just so happened to be laying on my floor at that exact angle. At that exact moment. If that blind hadn't been stuck in that exact spot. If I hadn't looked up.
I wouldn't have seen that.

How often do you think you miss out on things, big or small, just because you don't do something that seems so innocuous, so innocent?


File: 1566375527145.jpg (80.22 KB, 500x491, feeling it.jpg)


>tell a couple, which are my friends, how cute and nice they are
>they both tell me that in that regard they can't even compete with me
>they also tell me that last night they were talking about me, how they loved me because i was always true to myself, not changing myself for others


Oddly inspirational, poetic.


Thanks, you made me smile (:
Good health and luck too you.

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At what point in your life did you change the most?
High school, university, what have you.

These last two years have been quite a development for me, and I've done a lot of growing up. When I try to describe how I've changed, I realize that outwardly, nothing much has happened in my life since I've graduated high school, but on the inside I've changed more than I could possibly express.

When did you go through the most change in your life as a person, and are you still experiencing that epoch in your life right now?
12 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


I can't quite explain either, but your words resonated with me. Perhaps it'll impact me as well. Whoever you are, thank you for taking the time to write that out. See you on the other side, I guess.


File: 1508973137871.gif (287.42 KB, 1024x1024, theyarewatching.gif)

I too forgot to add
Thanks for the grounded advice. I was just coming to that as well, but then again I'm stubborn enough to fight against myself. The NEET sleep (well, I am a NEET, having just dropped out of college, but no matter), as well as the manchild waiting till the next season of anime thing, are definitely things I'm doing. I know it's destructive but I'm still in a phase where I almost want to be destroyed. The pic I first posted in >>773 as well as pic related are OC, so at least there's the creative drive.
And thanks for the comforting words on the duster. I've moved on. Just wish my mom would move on and stop trying to talk to me lmao


Most of the 2010s has been a stunted growth in any form of true further development with myself. I've learned a lot but haven't done anything at all with myself. I'm hoping I can take what knowledge I've harnessed and do something with it in the 2020s.


Mid teens realized at my current trajectory I wasnt going to be able to accomplish the things I wanted to in life, started putting myself on these crazy regimens spending almost all my time either working learning or creating, pushed myself to my limits for years on end, got a alot done. Now I'm letting myself enjoy life more and not focusing as much on 100% efficiency, it's nice but I know this lull isn't going to last forever, theres still much to be fought and won.


Learnings never a waist, now turn your thoughts into reality.

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This is my first post on this chan site so I apologize if it reeks of newfag
I'm currently 19 year old freshman in community college but I have also have been stalking a group of peers from high school for what could be 3 or 4 years and its embarrassing to admit of all the time I wasted on it, most of them also actually living on their own, having a job, going to uni and finding love, all things I can't relate and I get more depressed than I was before but I can't seem to stop for very long. This obsessive behaviour I had with people I don't know well has happened since I was a child through attraction and when I first started to notice this group of peers I had a crush on only one person and being the shy dumbass I was instead of being friendly and introducing myself I had acted cold and aloof cause I get a wave of anxiety every time they are around. Stalking them in the internet was the solution for me to get my fix of seeing their face and seeing their life and little by little all their friends would add up to that list. While nobopdy had confronted me, I am pretty sure they all know since I exposed myself using sock puppet accounts to follow them and getting blocked by one person. I'm at this point where I am not crushing anymore and its became a habit, something to obsess on when I am not wallowing into nislism, sadness and bitterness. There is no point of this anymore and I don't want to do this anymore since I already wasted my teen years, I don't want to lose my twenties as well. Its taken a toll on my thoughts as well as that whole group is constantly on my mind when we were never acquaintances let alone friends. I tried before to go on brakes to stop stalking and I have did it for a couple of moths but only to relapse again. It's funny other people lives are taking a toll on me like they are heroin personified. If you guys have any advice to stop the need to online stalk and thinking of people who want nothing to do with you, it would be greatly appreciated.
img by @mangoumaiwa on twitter
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


Treat it like the addiction it is, now that you're aware

You can either use the hard approach and stop living through others and force yourself to find meaning or take it easy, safe in the knowledge nobody gives a lot of thought to others who aren't in the circle of close friends and family so what is the point if they already forgot about you


File: 1568514735108.jpg (68.27 KB, 860x484, D_y3A6DUIAE8OHX.jpg)

I'm 25 and I stalk people online, too. I have no real life friends. I've come to the conclusion that if you want to stop you will need a good social circle of friends to interact with. This will divert your attention towards them and you can have some good fun with them too. That's what I like to believe. I haven't tried it out yet because at my age most people already have their established social circles and getting into one is very hard in my experience.

Good luck to you. I know how you feel.


Are you folks heavily active in any other online community/online groups?

24 here, but I've found all my social needs fulfulled by various online groups (outside intimate relationships, fortunately I've been lucky there).

I'm horrible at making and keeping friends and have given up.


File: 1568608355117.jpg (43.87 KB, 860x484, img_35.jpg)

>Are you folks heavily active in any other online community/online groups?
I've always been more of a lurker than a poster. Even on the internet my social anxiety holds me back.


Lurkers often have the most interesting things to say, after all they've been listening for years and know alot,.

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Thread for Alice to make confessions about life or feelings without restraint.
Maybe you've had a long day or something has been making you lose more sleep than usual or you can't stop thinking of something small that made a difference in your life. We're all here to listen or at least notice what you have to say. Sometimes confessions are just about sharing how you feel in a really direct way.

Even though it might make you feel vulnerable I think you can do it if you try.
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I don't have 1.35 for a beer. I want to drown my sorrows forever. It's all so much.. the inevitability of death.. horrible realities of life.. the turmoil and toil..


I feel an not altogether unpleasant sense when the pali wears off.. seems to me my glory days are behind me. Anyway, the shot is god forsaken awful. I AM medication compliant. What a cheap.. jewish tactic injecting me with that. The problem with it isn't the tardive dyskinesia.. it's the overall detrimental effect it has on my cognition. Had a spouse.. how do you cessate your spouses' incessant weeping and gnashing of teeth - as foretold in the ancient literature? Let her fuck a beale or something Jesus.. opiods? She won't stop then I got dropped. Is it worth to cry over love lost?
And I do proclaim.. hotcha.. I saw a fairest of maidens. Looking hotter than the molten core of the earth.. you know I had to learn the hard way to let her pass by baby. Damn..


I think about suicide a lot. It's fun. A way to relax. I don't think I would ever do it but the thoughts are always there. The past six months to a year they've really picked up. I thought it was always a teenage emotion thing but can't be the case if you're 24. Roughly ~10 years of it. I wonder if I'll ever do it.


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I'm having intrusive thoughts in the shape of "give up" or similar phrases again. I have no one to talk about it, since the only person i have asked me to not talk to them -for justifiable reasons-, which is a factor in this recent mental decline, thankfully (?) not the main one.
Chans are the only place left and it usually turns things worse; hope not this time.
This is cycle repeats ad infinitum and i am tired of it.


I've never done anything with my life and now I'm starting to approach a much older age. I want a fresh start both online and in real life. I want to end everything from my past and truly let it all go. I've dealt with shutting myself away from society for over a decade now with extreme anxiety and depression. I also want to leave this small town life that I struggle to deal with every single day. It's not for me and nothing here ever will be. But I'm afraid to get "out there" to make a true difference or tolerate working for my exit plan for that new start I crave so badly. Seems like I'm just going to be living over and over repeating myself into further despair until I eventually "crack".

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I had 3 serious girlfriends in my life, and even tough some stories happened years ago they still keep me up at night. I never had issues socializing, i'm a higly functional person in this society, and i have more serious problems like probably becoming unemployed in the near future or the world slowly turning into a distopia, so how can such stupid things like average romantic human relationships be so destructive and override all the rest?
Anyway, my question is, will they fade away with time or, even with years passing i'll still remember every fight and every breakup, and every relationship more will mean more pain and more soykaf to remember and to fuel my insomnia?
The problem is that when you're happy you don't think about it so it sticks less to your memory, while instead bad things usually make quite strong memories

Sorry if a little edgy but this board should be the right one for this kind of stuff, i suppose
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


You'll likely continue re-creating the same scenarios even in your head/with other people until you wipe the slate clean with a moderately high dose of LSD or similar. It has to do with the dunbar number and the limits of the neocortex. Just have good archetypes ready to fill the void.


Everybody is different, it sounds like you have a good memory. It's a blessing and a curse.
This is just anecdote, but…
I had a girlfriend once with an extremely good memory, but she was also constantly traumatised by things which happened to her several years previously.
I am the opposite, very forgetful, when bad things happen to me I look forward to the future because I know the memory will disappear into the past. But… I forget a lot of things that I want to remember as well,.


I know you can't stop remembering the memories. They can be traumatic - it's OK to talk about it. Cherish the good ones.. never mind the bad. If the memories are intrusive and devastating to your functioning you can have drugs / neurosurgery to make that thought disorder disappear (really works - not recommended)
Want to know the best part? The horrible ones will repress themselves for a time - it's a survival mechanism. So your worst ones.. you can't even remember!
Anyone care to share memories they repressed and uncovered with detective work?
>Finding HS sweetheart fucking my dad
>Rejected on holiday at 17


>Finding HS sweetheart fucking my dad
do you want to tell us more about that? I would like to know more about it.


Well.. back then I lived in a 400/wk motel. She NEVER came over.. still never does.
I was on the bus line and dad asked me to come over - so I did. Took 2 hours and a 2 mile walk.. maybe a little less. I was on zoloft and it gives me intense brain fog. I distinctly remember that.. horrible feeling and I felt it that very day. I opened the door.. down the stairs.. through the doorway.. and there it was.
Now.. about this little lady.. radiant young thing.. blonde, petite, tan. Now, I'd cried hysterically for hours over her before.. at 18 because she rejected me in cruel fashion in the corridor at school. Now 21..
She was on top of him going down on him. She didn't stop.. they didn't.. anger.. they switched positions.. I began to cry again. They took all the knives so I wouldn't cut (they still do this) and she exclaimed "It's just sex!" She was all sweaty and wet.
She left one joint later. Lovers quarrel. Didn't last long, those two. I think I got an in tears pity handjob. Dropped acid that night..
Then 2 weeks later I was upset over it and I did a cut on my left arm. I was told I nearly bled out.. nowadays neither of us hear from her.

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you live alone
you die alone
that's all
16 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


It was in a shroom-induced introspection that I felt the knowledge that no one has ever been truly integrated with each other. It was sad to look at the body of my friend and know that we'll never truly feel and think as one.


I live with my friends


WE ARE ALONE! i know that feel bro.

Perhaps in the next shroom-induced introspection you will feel that EVERYONE IS CONNECTED.

That's why i turned away from psychedelics, now i see them as random illusions instead of introspections.


the point is that you can learn from the illusions.

Learn what it's like to utterly fool yourself, and realize the ways in which you are fooled every day of your life. Learn the ways in which your thoughts and actions are really a result of this huge hindbrain and the conscious mind is just one function of many.

And most importantly, learn to have fun.


>you live alone
>you die alone
Nah, I'm gonna take you bastards with me.

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So I will be 30 soon. Alongside the fact I feel nostalgia for the world of my high school years, I feel like I don't know what I am becoming.
I more or less became the 16 years old I wanted to become in terms of knowledge and experience but it doesn't have much value for who I seem to be on the outside. I just want to soykafpost and have fun with friends while every year will be "the one" in terms of good resolutions. I'm not opposed to aging by itself but I don't really know what's expected of me.
Unfortunately my environment is changing in ways that can't be prevented. Friends marry and embrace the wageslave corporate mindset instead of just working for free time money. Family gets older and obsessed by death. I can't live the stressless life of a high-schooler or be an edgy 22 retard once again. I feel like being 30 should be about being 20 + bonus but it seems like you must get resigned as years go on.
Where am I going? Asking older Alice about how they lived that milestone.
19 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


Really I'll say this again for anybody who is listening, you dont die the day all your organs shut down, you've been dying, every single day, since the day you where born. Most young people dont relise it but we're surrounded by automatons, as people age they fall into a set of behaviors and in an ever tightening loop just repeat them until death.



Isn't this kind of the fundamental mental condition though? Everyday since the day I was born my neurons were accumulating entropy and my surroundings were a etching needle carving who I was as a person. The more my mind was carved, the more the directions moved, eventually finding direction and path.

I am the accumulation of my experiences and those thoughts cemented to a great extent yes. I don't disagree but at a certain point my mind becomes an extremely complex filtering function. I map what my inputs are vs my neural net. You do also, creating the interconnection between the functions that amasses into the greater cognitive program we all live in. We are a set of functions. Some are built with older experiences in mind that become less relevant or useful with time. The less the functions are called, the more they atrophy. Eventually the program evolves and every function is commented out or replaced with a rewritten version.

Just because you are only a filtering function in a larger system, doesn't mean you don't have value.



You hunger for the glory and gratification, and all other rewards of the outcome of a completed endeavour, and its fruits. However, you have never truly completed any endeavor, and you don't know what said fruits are actually like. More cruicially, you don't 'know' to keep on going and going, and working, and working, until you have completed an endeavor. My only advice to you is to just keep trying once you start, and make sure you don't stop to look at anything else until you are truly 'done' with what you started. Start small, and learn the art of completing things.


Oh you have value, yes. But at the point that you no longer have the will to change, or even the desire, or even capacity to consider changing, When you've lost all free will and are nothing more than a robot caring out the orders its once living younger self ordained, at that point your dead, and at the gradual points leading up you've been a quarter dead, a third dead, half dead, etc. I think we can prolong our youth/life though by purposefully seeking out new experiences, breaking the mold of how we ussualy do things, changing our beliefs, breaking the rules we set for ourselves, adopting new roles to expose ourselves to new perspectives, always learning and creating new things. Ultimately we're all worn down eventually, but if your able to recognize the problem well you still can, you can counteract it for awhile.


Oh also I like your agnology that compares humans to fuctions, maybe it's just a delusion but I like to think we're more than that when where younger.

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