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/feels/ - personal experiences

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Kalyx ######

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What legacy do you plan on leaving behind lains?

I hope to leave behind my thoughts and ideas, I can't have children but it would be nice to know I live on though the actions and beliefs of others.

I have been called a very, "Diverse" person by others around me a complete oddball yet they all say I have had an impact on them. Either making them learn about the world, investigate new ideas or simply drawing them into the world around me.

I like to think I help people expand into better people, and my ideas and thoughts that I spread do that. Make people think, draw them out of their "Automatic" modes and stop and think about things. I have seen the people I communicate each day start to do this as well with the people around them.

I hope that will be my legacy to the world, people that make other people stop and think and draw them out of mundane life.
25 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


>take over the world or become a mass murderer

could argue even those are pretty temporary things. odds are eventually humankind will be reduced to ash, and all the things ever made or done by them forgotten and utterly erased. the universe is a big merciless place,


One of my innate talents is in leaving an incredibly strong impression on people I meet. Despite intentionally trying to be an outsider I was always the most-known kid in school; all the teachers heard about me (partially due to being the smartest, most poorly behaved, but nevermind that). Once I got a huge box of vintage computer parts (and two whole computers) from an older lady I supposedly floored when I spoke to her at a psychologist's office. If I improve my social skills I could probably be a very effective influencer or artist. Ultimately though, the most powerful legacies are ideas and inventions.

Fuck it, I guess none of that really appeals to me. I'll go with my dream career, musician, and be the best damn musician anyone's heard in their life. Perhaps I'll try to live off the mathematical career I'm currently majoring for and maybe I'll be a big deal in that too. A modern-day da Vinci or Alexander the Great, that's who I'll be. But first, I need to get over myself and get my ass to work.



>STEM more accessible to anyone

>STEM founded existentially conscious society


Sad truth is, OP, even the people you touched in life are going to die themselves, and third parties don't exactly contract your emotional cooties. The most you can do in life is have a kid and hope that one day their great great grandkids might actually remember who the man in the old photograph on the mantle is. Heaven knows you sure as hell didn't when you were in their shoes.



"Now I will destroy the whole world." … It's what Bokonists always say when they are about to commit suicide.

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You sit there warm and comfy in your highly air conditioned classroom, why are you even here? Do you even need to take this class, or is it more of a transfer agreement with the silly little insignificant school that your parents are making you go to? My lord, you could be making money at this time of day, instead you sit their like an infant in your little spin-chair and wait to get called on by your so called “professor” or “prof” for short.
Sure, prof sure knows what she’s doing, constantly reminiscing about the “golden 1980s” and how everything was such peaces and cream back then. She gladly tells the class that she was a fellow “weed” smoker in an attempt to get on some of the students’ “at least I won’t hate this bitch for the rest of my semester” list. They aren't buying it though, after all; they've all been indoctrinated before with the “Life is a movie” type deal, you know the ones where your teachers say you can be anything you REALLY want to be no matter the cost! Just make sure to sign here, get debt here, and pretend to know something here.
I digress.
You’ll eventually have a student in your class that wants to actively participate, but he isn’t your average bookwork, nor is he one of those abstract Facebook profile types, he’s more of the guy that sits their idly until he finds the correct social climate and ground to pouch and manipulate.
The professor kindly asks some members of the class to share some of their “social” accounts for a class demonstration. She has a smug look on her face on how she’s going to judge or categorize certain aspects of the accounts.
First to go is a tall potbelly looking boy that claims to be “the coolest kid in town”. His profile picture has two red solo cups with a “I LUV NJ” embroiled into his sweatshirt. The glimpse in his eyes tell you he’s not one of the brighter ones, maybe he just needs to join a cult to avoid being sent to a slaughterhouse.
The next one to go is a pale, short framed girl with bad teeth. She claims to have created some sort of “divided” art that exemplifies her message on her profile. It turns out she just used the cropping tool on Microsoft Paint and changed the filter using the default instagram selection tool. “Great” you say to yourself. Beyond the profile picture you see the array of comments saying “OMG” and pretending to incite valley girl speak to make the user feel better. “It’s all part of the psyop”, you mutter to yourself.
The last person to go up Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


clown world indeed. it's all got to burn.

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Today is my birthday Alice.

I knew it would be hard to spend it for the first time after i parted ways with my first and only friend. I lost 70% of my acquaintances since i was connected to them through her. So for the last month i've tried to become friends with the remaining %30, but i think most of my efforts will not return anything. That's ok. I know it's situational and related with people already forming their circles. It's not about me, and I believe there is nothing wrong with me.

I don't think there is anything wrong with spending important days alone, new year or birthday or whatever, it just multiplies the lonely feeling by 1.2 . Before I had an almost real experience what I can call friendship, I was oblivious to the need of socializing with people, so it didn't affect me in my previous experiences of this kind.

It still is mostly pleasant. I have a lot of things to appreciate in my life. My economic situation is good. People at work are nice. So there is nothing wrong with celebrating.

I kill my free time in front of the computer playing lame online games. I don't have the energy to invest in an enjoyable personal project because the thing I consume unfortunately doesn't replace my social needs and refresh me. It is still acceptable, I'm functional at work and managed to go to the gym 3 times this week.

Maybe today I'll do something different. I woke up early and watched Rick and Morty eating two packs of my favourite biscuit with some milk. I took a shower and wore fancy clothes even though I don't have any plans outside. Then I called some of the 30% ( it may have been socially inappropiate for some but fuck them its my birthday) to hang out but I don't expect them to respond. At least I'll enjoy my comfy clothing and may continue playing that lame game just because I crave it, even though I wanted to do something different. If I get bored, i'll quit, i'll manage to find something else, or get tired of my search of finding something different and go back to it. If I want to eat, I'll eat, and if I want to cry, I'll cry. My pride can shut the fuck up just for today. I don't care, It's my birthday, and I deserve being happy.
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


Happy birthday alice!
I understand what its like to lose friends and acquaintances. you don't need others to have a good time, learning how to and getting comfortable with being alone is much more fulfilling.


Happy birthday Alice. I hope it was a nice comfy day for you.


Hey, it's my friend's birthday today too!

If your initials are TT, then hey dude!

Otherwise, happy birthday Alice!


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今日 Lain,
I know I'm a day late, but I too wish you a happy birthday.
I think I know how you feel. Pic related.


If it's any consolation Alice I had a soykafty birthday too. BF of 10 years treated me like trash when I used my birthday money to buy him something he wanted a few days later. Everything is falling apart and I am being blamed for it all.

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/feels/ tell me your pet loss
>be me
>be 7
>find a cat yesterday, and my parents took him in
>he had looked like she was sick, and had some of her fur gone on the side of her stomach
>holding him, because he was cute
>parents get cat food for her, at walmart
>slept with him on the end of my bed
>share a bunk bed with brother
>he was 5
>woke up in the morning
>cat was on the floor, laying there
>said hi to it
>not responsive
>gone up close
>petting it
>no response
>starts yelling for parents
>parents noticed
>hours later, they brought him to somewhere, I forgot
>I'm currently 18, and I still didn't forget about him


Had an axolotl name Simmey and I killed him because they are super sensitive to temperature and I was not careful enough. Pets are unfortunately victims of or compulsion towards ownership but it doesn't mean u can't love them!

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Daily reminder to get up stretch and take a break from the computer, go outside and go for a walk, make sure to eat something and stay hydrated. I care about you all.
11 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I do that anyway but thank you. Make sure you're doing it too.


I will.


File: 1504536251225.jpg (19.54 KB, 480x360, Terry.jpg)

Alternatively, you can make your computer a temple as well.


Just going to throw out there that in neuroscience they found that the number one way to positively change your mood is a regular sleep schedule with 8 to 9 hours of sleep each night
I want you all to feel better


lol I didn't do that for the last 12 years or so
it doesn't surprise me at all but that explains a lot

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I have always had a hard time making my way through social interaction & just being around people in general. I used to be very lonely and thought I was broken for being so alone, but I've become less and less wanting of having relationships lately. I just realized that surrounding myself with people doesn't necessarily make me happy, I can find happiness by myself. Though, there are a lot of perks to being intimate with someone, seeing the world from another point of view, gaining information, bettering your understanding of life & the human condition.
What does Lain think? Are relationships with other people worthwhile and important?
18 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


You should get off your arse and meet people outside of uni then.

There are entire cities built around or near them.


Thanks for the encouragement but I no longer live anywhere near a university.


That's an excuse.



What kind of things do you want people to talk to you about?


People and intimate relationships are very important, we are wired to be social creatures. But the place where I think most people that post here trip up is that they need to love themselves first before they can really let anyone in.
And I think that is what's happening with you, you're learning to be okay with yourself as a person, even if that is alone. The great irony is that you need to be ready to be alone before you can truly connect with others.

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Hi lains, I'm kind of dumb and have trouble being self reflective, now this is a problem for me because I am in a limbo between esteem and self-actualization in the hierarchy of needs and I can't go lower again. So I need to develop self reflective skills to better understand myself, my role in the world and the world itself. Could I get some advice? Sorry if this isn't very clear, I'm not good at expressing myself.


Do those "stream of consciousness" things regularly. Set a timer for 10 minutes and write down everything that comes to your mind, unedited. I do it three times a week and it helped me, I hope it will help you too!


give yourself some time alone with your thoughts. leave the phone and your computer.

Then think back in time on previous events that come to mind. Then think about your problems now. Then look forward and consider one of the infinite paths you could take into the future.

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I don't know if this was really an experience of yours as a kid, but my friends
and I were told to "turn off the screen and go outside," as if we weren't
socializing enough indoors or something. Begrudgingly, we'd leave our games or
anime on pause and go out until we were let back into our fantasy realms. We
did socialize, but much of the time, it was just about that: our virtual
worlds; the ones we were *really* living in, where we achieved great triumphs
and people actually cared about our lonely tragedies. We found a short, brutal
middle ground between our childhood's "I want to be an astronaut!" and our
adulthood's "I want to be out of debt" that we held for dear life as "reality"
crumbled around us, and it was all was in front of a cathode ray tube.

But we had a strange (youthful, flawed) way of systems thinking about these two
realities. It's not that we had zero interest in the outside; when we were
kicked out into the undesigned physical realm, beyond the supervision of our
overtired parents, we did make some agency for ourselves with graffiti,
fistfights, and bummed cigarettes. That ground we fought so hard to defend had
been lost to unwanted younger brothers, parents claiming their primetime shows,
drunken shouting in the kitchen, too much homework. Those idealistic children
who were told they could be anything had chosen to be destitute second-rate
punks flung across suburbs and dormitories over becoming tomorrow's struggling
middle-managers of mediocrity; that is, they would rather suffer unwatched than
endure the truthful but ugly version of the surveilled future they had been
promised when their biggest worries involved waking up early enough for
Saturday morning cartoons.

And then one day, a childhood dream came from the past to wake us up. Those
kids who saw a generator in Home Depot and ever since yearned to take the game
beyond the living room and weave it into the emptiness of physical life, the
ones who wished they had their own, *private* screen with which to build any
edifice they liked, finally got an answer besides an adult platitude or a dial
tone. Devices small and cheap enough to be handed down for the sake of keeping
up with Joneses or purchased with scrounged cash were widely available and the
future of business forced our parents to let us have them. Our communications
were private so long as we fled to the next platform in the never-ending line
of chatrooms, messengers, and
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.


This reminds me of the pre-web internet. I imagine many people then, if they got access to the internet, really appreciated that it could be so different from offline life.


OP, that was beautiful.


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best post op, thanks!


This was really amazing to read. Touching and fascinating.


That was interesting.

I can relate to some parts and I liked it, for all that it's kind of depressing.
Did we truly mess-up beyond repair? Probably. :(

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Is even caring, valued these days?


Of course, Lainon.
I'd love to have you care about me.
Do you care about me, or am I just another faceless person in the crowd?


Everyone has different values for things, some (probably most) people put an actual value to caring. You probably just need to surround yourself with better people.

Although caring is just chemicals in your brain promoting your actions to be more humane towards your fellow tribesmen, so that they act so back towards you, utterly pointless if you can use your brain and follow your goals instead of falling to these primitive thought routines, most people are so cared for they'll care about you regardless of whether you do, at least as long as they perceive you equally moral as they are, and even that can be overwritten. I hate this default firmware.


>person in the crowd

i find i love the people in the crowd the most.
There's so much possibility.



So much possibility for what exactly?

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How do i stop getting anxious over the tiniest things? I need to focus on bigger things instead of things that don't really effect me that much


You don't say what the tiny things that you get anxious over are, but that's ok.

I find that an obsession with something will make your mind so preoccupied that it simply doesn't care while in usually stressful situations. Hobbies and interests, new ventures, an interesting area of study, new friends and such are all things which, when taken full-on, will be your mind's focus even when not actively engaged in it.

You may also want to consider good old apathy. 'I'm not going to see this person again so I just don't care about acting in any particular way as not to stand out'

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