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/feels/ - personal experiences

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Kalyx ######

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Everything's so bleak! With eternal darkness always right around the corner, it's getting harder to get up and continue trying my best. There are times I wish I could be less aware about things, it seems like such a happier existence to be ignorant.

I refuse to give up, don't worry! I'll continue as long as I'm still alive and well! I just wanted to get my worries out there, so they didn't fester inside of me.
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>I thought here was as safe a place
There's no such thing in the internet.
>I find some slight comfort in that face, and I guess I'd hoped to share its good feeling with others who might relate to the tough spot I'm in.
Yep, she's somehow "relaxing".


>it seens like such a happier existence to be ignorant.

As sad as it sounds, I feel this is true.
What if I never knew all the "weird stuff" I know today?

Would I be much happier?


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Please don't get weird about this.

I ask those same questions often, and my inability to ever truly know the answer gets to me sometimes. There's no real way for us to unlearn things and change our lives to the extent we'd need to, to see the other side of things and experience it for ourselves.

I've resolved to try and improve my outlook on life, and every now and then I make progress, but at my lowest points it gets very hard to continue. Knowing that other lains are in similar places gives me some motivation, though. A sense of solidarity or something, I guess. Let's all try to keep living!


I've lost my reason to live and yet I'm still here.
I should improve my outlook and enjoy life again, but I can't bring myself to care. What's the point in going on? It seems just as pointless as stopping.

So I guess I'll let inertia carry me again. Go with the flow and try not to think.

Here's hoping you can find something worthwhile.


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I was supposed to die on numerous occasions over the past fifteen or so years. The fact that I'm still alive now has left me a tad directionless; I never made long term plans because a certain part of me didn't expect to be around. Now I'm here and I don't think I'm going to die anytime soon but it's left me somewhat purposeless as well.

We're all still here Lains, so I guess let's try and do what we can with what we have?

Picture only semi-related; soykafpoasting and bad memes are one of the few things I hang around this world for.

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Good Evening Lains!

I have been having this sort of dream life feeling about the world around me lately.
Like everything seems like a long fake dream that no one can really wake up too.
It's been bothering me lately.

I'll here my name whispered by a unknown voice, movements in the night, a tug on my shirt when there is no one there.
In a way it makes me sad it makes me feel of death and someone who I cannot see or understand is reaching out to me.
Almost as if it's asking me to join it.

I don't know if this is something that normal people experience but I feel as if it's something we Lains do
do you ever get that feeling that
you are never really alone?

I feel as if I too myself am a glitch and maybe there is something out there trying to get rid of me from the system.

let me know what you think Lains.

from yours and ours truly


First I must ask: how much sleep have you been getting? I have only ever experienced this when deprived of sleep or when I don't get enough REM. If this is constant for you under any circumstances, it could be a symptom of an underlying problem.


Everyone has these odd moments once in a while. Though you seem to have them more often than the average.
I would say it sounds like you're a bit on standby. A nudge in your shirt or a strange noise outside and your mind is caught of-guard by it.

I had something similar with stars.
I used to look out of my window when I went to sleep and once noticed that some of them move in a rather irritating pattern.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but I was struck by it.
I do believe in aliens but this couldn't be one, I said to myself

Turned out it was just my head moving around as it struggled to stay still.

What I'm trying to say is, all of those things could be a message of a higher being, but I would assume that you're just not focused enough.


I could go on about whether or not what you're experiencing is "true" or "real" but I won't bore you with metaphysics. I think you will be much helped if you live a focused and disciplined life. Here's my program for you:

1. Make absolutely sure that you are putting the healthiest of clean, unprocessed food into your body. Eat when you feel hungry, but stop before you feel full. Stay hydrated and use water as your primary source of hydration.
2.Take cooler showers. You can, after a while, transition to fully cold showers. The health benefits of this are still being looked into, but there is no question that you will be more alert and tougher.
3. Consume thoughtful and thought-provoking material. Don't be afraid to take notes. Question everything you read. Get into arguments with friends about interesting topics.
4. Every now and then, take the opportunity to do meditate on your surroundings. Take full note of all five senses and the intricate details of the world around you.
5. Wake up consistently and early. Go to sleep consistently and early. Pinpoint obstacles to this and reduce or eliminate them. I'm a goddamn hypocrite, typing this at nearly 0200 hours.

If you are following all of these steps, you are the most healthy, alert and thoughtful you can be without changing your life in a drastic way. Being in this state should erase haziness and hallucination. If your experiences continue on beyond this point, take careful note of them and report back. They may have significance you can't imagine.


I worked full time and went to school full time for a year and a half. I got maybe 4 hrs of sleep a night. it got to the point where auditory hallucinations where pretty common. most are not hard to tell if they are real or not. however every once in a while I would get one of a guy yelling something in Spanish (I dont speak Spanish), I still dont know if it was a hallucination or if there was a mexican guy that would yell things outside my apartment. everytime I would look i could never find anyone though.

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How many of you Lains practice Stoicism in your daily lives?
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I dont very much like stoicism as a philsophy, but nonetheless I think I have a somewhat stoic demeanor. I dont tend to stress or worry about things that others might (other than certain social things but m social anxiety is a different matter).


I practice a blend of the Cynic, Stoic, and Epicurean schools of thought. You can't trust anyone, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's just get drunk.


You. I like you.


Why would i get rid of my feelings in service to some abstract rationality?

Negative emotions might not be desirable but there real, more real then any human constructed rationality.


As far as I know the main ethos of stoicism is that "Virtue consists in a will that is in agreement with Nature.", but I can't think of any part of myself as an outsider to nature that can act somehow against it. However, I think it's very important to pay attention at what's the north one's will's compass is following. One can be following a deceitful north and that can bring inquietude (maybe that's what they call non-natural? man-made?). But I haven't read any of the big stoics' books so I'm behind their ideas.

The Stoics propounded that knowledge can be attained through the use of reason. But I think reason is better suited to demonstrations and logical derivations, but other ways of getting knowledge are good too. Like, some drug that lets you see something that you rationalize later, or an educated guess that comes from any source of inspiration (hypothesis, in some areas) that you try to demonstrate or proof false after you state it.

Anyhow, I don't think it's easy to really be in line with all of stoicism because they also had "primitive" (not to offend stoic friends) views on the nature of reality, that they called categories. They also held some literarily beautiful ideas, like the universe being a sentient entity called Nature or God, and thus fate being its reasoning process. Cosmopolitanism is a very beautiful idea too, but it's by no means exclusive to stoicism. And there's much more to it that I don't know, I don't even know about what I wrote about, I merely read the big letters.

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I suppose I've always had an unusual perspective on suicide. I feel that if one is even mildly dissatisfied with life that they can be justified in killing themselves. Having a bad day? Fuck it. Kill yourself. What do you honestly have to lose? I mean if we are all heading for eternal oblivion in the end, what does it really matter? You won't remember if you had a long, wonderful life or a short, miserable life when you're dead.

Suicide is not selfish. Asking someone not to commit suicide is selfish. You're basically asking them to continue suffering so you don't have to. That's fucked. The only philosophical objection to suicide that I've found somewhat reasonable is that it is potentially a crime against your future self; if you decide to persevere and not kill yourself, then you may live to greatly appreciate that you didn't, but then again maybe you won't. Needless to say I'm not totally convinced.
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Read on.

>Duty to Oneself becomes far more complicated when you stop considering Oneself as a single, unified entity that is in agreement.
There seem to be two similar but different ideas in your post. The first is that you can be contrary to yourself, as for example when you want to stop gambling but do it anyway. The second idea is that the self has discrete parts, and I disagree with that. You say this:
>a degree of consciousness exists and is, to some extent, separate from that which we are taught
I'm not convinced there is a part of ourselves that is "separate from what we are taught." I think we negotiate our whole selves with the world around us from birth to death, and no part of us is "off the table," so to speak. And out of this negotiation there emerges not just ourselves but also society. For this reason I found the choice of words in >>262 unsatisfactory:
>society is a series of bonds formed between men for mutual benefit
There seems to be more to it than that. But anyway, my point is that the self cannot be dissected into "aspects" that come from either within or without but not both.

Maybe this explains the idea behind one's duties. They are what society demands at the negotiating table. Everyone can accept or reject those demands but that doesn't mean they don't exist. And one of those demands is that you preserve your own life since, as >>270 says, your life is valuable to society. But why is your life valuable to society?

With rare exceptions, we all value ourselves. Originally this was due to biology. But over time, it became a part of society as well. Hence self-preservation is a duty, and a duty to (i.e. because of) ourselves.


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Why are you saying this in regards to my post? This is not a part of my argument; actually, I've ignored the aspect of society for the vast majority of that post.
I will respond as if it was referring to my post, to my best understanding as to what you could have been commenting on that I have written.

>That the will of the individual is able to be disregarded by Society in such a way as to deem "these thoughts cannot be your will because this desire is contrary to all values we have given you" is the height of slavery

I did not say that something is bad because society says that it is bad, but because it is inherently bad.
Do you just assume that anytime someone claims that true things exist, they mean "something that society forces you to accept"?
Can't something be true in and of itself, not true relative to someone's opinion?
If someone writes an equation, do you need footnotes to back it up?
You might say that I am wrong, that the equation is incorrect, but I think that you are saying that I am wrong solely because I say that something is true, and things being universally true is somehow a violent imposition made by society.
Please correct me if I'm wrong.
I have not once mentioned society's distaste for suicide as an argument, merely as an example, a point of reference; a practical backing of a claim that no comprehensive world view accepts suicide in and of itself, but only when justified. No world view other than nihilism, but you can't really call nihilism comprehensive. At least I can't.

>Duty to Oneself becomes far more complicated when you stop considering Oneself as a single, unified entity that is in agreement.

>What is yourself other than a sum of behaviours both biologically and culturally engrained?
How does one being shaped by things outside of him make him not one anymore?
Do you reject synthesis on principle?

>Are you claiming that humans have to be masochist to differentiate themselves from animals?
If by "masochist" you mean "to hold something as more valuable than physical stimuli of pleasure and displeasure", then yes, I am.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


I forgot to ask >>271 the question to which the picture actually refers - if one is merely reacting to external stimuli, cowering under touch like a mimosis, are you actually free, or just a slave to your environment? Where is freedom in submission to one's material complications, fleshy nature, or any other ingrained desire for kicks?


>That's the reason people (by "people" I mean "that's the reasoning behind this opinion", not "that's the arbitrary societal imposition that I, the oppressor, use to violate the Freedoms of You, the Ego") think murder is wrong.
No. What makes it murder is that the person did not consent to dying. If a person said "doctor, please kill me, for I am under pain" in many countries that's labeled euthanasia rather than murder.
>That is fundamentally dismissive of ethics as a concept.
Are you saying ethics is objective, then? I think it's not. I don't disagree that people with different axioms may find things difficult. But are our ideas truly axioms, or are the axioms deeper, further down, more abstract?
I like listening to people talk about how they feel.
>are you actually free, or just a slave to your environment?
Good question. I suppose you aren't free from having flesh: that is right.
Some things are things people will not be free from: for example, as long as we live in this part of the universe, we're bound by how physics and chemistry operate in this part of the universe.
>other ingrained desire for kicks?
Now, human nature and instincts: those can be overcome. Humans do it all the time.


Problem with suicide, is that when your ready to do it, you have already gone through the worst of the suffering in order to get to that point, so it's always too late to save your self from suffering.

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Are you ready if the world ends?

I have a feeling like everything is in decay, and were in acceleration to a zero point.
It might be nukes, it might be A.I's, it might be something out left of field.
It might be a bang or a whimper.
It feels close and i feel like i could bring it closer.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


's not that bad, yain't nearly as alone as that <3, good things happn c: find new frends


100% ready, lifes pretty boring and i'm too big of a coward to off myself.


I guess the fact that you feel it all needs to end, instead of wanting to repair the damage that has been done proves your point.
Though looking back the last century reveals that we always had a special kinda thing for death and torture.

I have a hard time believing that today is so different from a couple of centuries ago.


The only thing to do when you feel that the world is on the way to the end times, is accelerate.
Go ever faster towards the abyss and hope people realize before it's too late.


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leaving with a middle finger up


leaving what, Lain?

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The suicide thread made made me start wondering about the subject of death in general. Is eternal oblivion really where we're all headed? Unless we are living in a computer simulation I don't see any way around it. In light of this fact why should anything matter? I'm not saying we all ought to kill ourselves, but I'm asking why it would really matter in the first place. How can anyone be anything other than an existential nihilist?

related page:
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>Really, the most insulting thing is that you don't seem to actually defend your belief. An honorable, if naive, Christian would actually hold their belief to be true. You actually know your belief is impossible, and you have the audacity to say that it's a good thing. This is the acme of shamefulness,

I said it was impossible, what i didn't say was that it was not true,
, yes i know it's a paradox.
I have faith in Christianity anyway .

Only a person who can believe in something against all reason can be free,
i know the world is pointless and full of suffering, but i refuse to accept this world.
If the the world is unjust, fight the world, if reality is unjust fight reality .



Don't fight, you will lose. Instead, you should just accept.


That would mean giving up my dignity and i could not go on living if i did that.


You're not fighting anything. If you were fighting, you would be acknowledging problems and trying to fix them. What you are doing is alled lying and ignoring.


What you are doing is thinking like a slave.

>do not resist

>bend over with me and
>receive jesus from the bottom of your soul

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Heyo, lains.

It's been on my mind a lot and I don't know where else to talk about it. How do you guys deal with the notion of death?

As in, how do you find the will and power to do anything with your days when you know they are numbered? I can't get over the fact that I will, at one point, no longer breathe, feel, laugh, think, or anything conscious. I will forever be in a dreamless sleep. Everything feels like a meaningless simulation. Every laugh with friends is pointless, every conversation with loved ones is pointless, every development in the mind is irrelevant because none of this will ever translate into infinity, and will waste away.

Is there life after death? How do I stay comfortable in my shell of a body if I know that I can't stay on this earth, with the people I love, forever? Maybe it sounds greedy of me, but if I'm honest, I'm soykafting myself.



I have asked myself these very questions countless times, and have come up with a different answer each time. The most reassuring (for me at least) is that once you're dead, you won't care that you're dead. By thinking about when you are going to die, you are worried about the missed opportunities. If you weren't afraid of missing out on life, you would kill yourself without hesitation. Humans are hard-wired to enjoy certain stimuli. However, it's not a matter of enjoying it while you can, as once you die you will be unable to comprehend anything whatsoever. Time will not exist. Sensation will not exist. Your mind will not exist. You will not exist. So live in the moment. Do what makes you happy now, as now is the only time you'll ever know.

I highly recommend looking into Alan Watts. He delves into existentialism with a spiritual approach, yet can be appreciated by even the most radical of athiests.
Some related lectures of his: (short) //Directly related (short) (long) //Directly related (long) (long) (long)

Take all of this with a grain of salt, as what I find to ease the mental burden of the self actualization of one's own mortality may not have the same effect for you.


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Life is a ouroboros, all change is a illusion,
you can never die because you were never born.

You can never suffer from evil because there is no real good that can be taken away from you.

Everything turns in on it's self and comes right back to where it started, time, history,ourselves, the universe it all just keeps coming back.

Every-time you think "was i here before" or "this feels like something that's already happened" the answer is always yes.

The world is nothing more or less then a infinite eternity that just keeps repeating, one big cosmic farce.


I cannot personally understand the need for meaning in life. But I can understand the need for stimulation.
Death, to me, means that there will be a time I can do no more. I will need input and output until then to keep me mentally capable of staying alive. There's much to experience.

Have you ever actually tried a dreamless sleep though? Like meditating all thoughts away in sensory deprivation.
It is not bad at all. Very calming, very numbing, and extremely time dilating. If that is what awaits me beyond life then I welcome it without any arms.

I must say, you do not need to be comfortable in your body. You just need to not be uncomfortable.
Seeking comfort for comfort's sake is not productive and, if you go about it through drugs, very harmful.
As long as you don't feel notable discomfort, you can still experience things uninterrupted. Even deriving pleasure from doing so.


Problem with death is that you can only experience it trough others - it is in a way most personal "experience" because it can not be shared directly, we can not be involved in death of others. For this reason it seems that we can not really now what death is.

But problem with this claim is that we still experience anxiety and that shows that we have some deeper understanding of it.

So lets try to analyze this anxiety towards death. We can say that theres always certain incompleteness in our existing life - it is always directed in "what is not - but can be". By removing that incompleteness that constitutes are experience - that is never in present but always directed at future - we get exact character of not existing. With this interpretation we can see that death is ultimate possibility of absolute impossibility (impossibility in sense of previous claim maid - in death nothing is possible to say it simply).

It seems that we are thrown into this indirect experience of death that is outlined and it is revealed trough anxiety. This fact that death is known as our ultimate possibility which is direct negation of us and negation of any possibility per se reveals that are current existence is factually "not-true". It is radical claim that goes against are current mode of existence and so death is always subject of being blurred and misrepresented in effort of us fighting it. It can be simply destroyed as a possibility and turned into availability - it is one of ways to deny death in some way - I say in some way because after all it cant be completely denied. But confrontation with death and realizing that it is only certainty and you utmost power in you that can be and come into existence is most authentic experience you can have.

This is somewhat translation of my notes on Heideggers chapter on death which is I think closest to understanding of what death is. I tried to remove all complected made up words that he throws out. Mind you - english is my second language and this is what is considered one of most unintelligible writer because of his terminology and playing on german words I hope I made it clear without simplifying to mutch.

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I keep telling myself to get over this girl because i know that we're never gonna be anything else but friends, but i can't. I want to tell her how i feel and get it over with already, but i keep holding myself back thinking that maybe there's a chance. I just want to give up hope already.
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You're right, I'm just gonna fucking do it, its time to move on.


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God Speed Lain.


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i think its best to have no expectations or hope in the first place, but still act in your best interests.


I try to keep my expectations low but its hard when you have these for someone.


I'm going ot tell ou plain and simple right now: if you are anything like me you need to move on and fall out of love if possible. Unrequited love is a painful experience, and if you are friends with the person and often in proximity it becomes even worse as well as prolonged.
I let myself fall in love with a friend, and even worse I didnt move on, thinking that maybe there would be a sliver of a chance or that I could be happy in friendship. It really fucked me up.

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I'm running out of music that I feel comfortable listening to. Almost every song that I have already listened to reminds me of some sad or depressing day when I heard the song, and I can't get over how it feels. Green Day is the absolute worst example–I have had a bad habit in the past of bingeing a single album of theirs on repeat when I feel like soykaf, but it spoils all their music for me and I can't listen to it anymore.

I don't think there's a cure. If there is, let me know–but I just wanted to see if others know what I'm talking about. I'm currently listening to We'll Meet Again by Vera Lynn and Je Ne Regrette Rien by Edith Piaf (two remarkably similar songs) and We'll Meet Again is already starting to give me images of nuclear holocaust.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I like internet radios, it feels different than listening to the static file. The soma radios are nice, there's the lainchan radios, there's


I recommend making a account. You can attach it to a spotify account (or any other music streaming service) and it tracks what you listen to on your profile and actually gives you good recommendations based off of what you listen to. A lot of the stuff im listening to currently is recommendations from


Music is escapism.
There's no solution to your problem but not to listen to music and do other more meaningful activities.



when i need new music, i only use RYM if i'm really desperate for a specific subgenre. otherwise, youtube suggestions / spotify related artists / similar artists: those functions are my go-tos, besides genre-specific forums. also, there's a site i use for specific genre music leaks where i'll check out the samples linked to each leak post.

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