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/feels/ - personal experiences

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Kalyx ######

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I know this isn't a journal, but I don't have a place or person to say this to without looking crazy…

I'm 20, I've been dealing with some inner-conflict with myself since middle school, just a continuous discomfort with what's around me and just a bit of myself, I was mostly bullied throughout middle school but coming out of it, the feelings of discomfort grew, but I don't feel crazy about it.

I know I won't hurt anyone or myself, I feel in control of my mental state especially after years of therapy I've had. I can't even hurt flies. After those years, I've managed to find a line of work that I'm proud of, I'm starting college real soon and I didn't think I'd be going to college in middle school, I've managed to find myself with a group of friends that expand beyond just a few dudes at work, I feel cared for, but when the euphoria of being around people finishes up, I can't help but to notice how not only my own environment in California is just spiraling out of control, but it genuinely feels like America in general is spiraling out of control. It's not the "SJW soykaf", it's not the "Racist soykaf", it's not the "Trump soykaf." (Although, I must say a lot of our liberals get incredibly overzealous, this is not the root of the issue for me.)

It genuinely feels like the cultural discourse, the acceleration in our economy (which can hurt me personally knowing that I can be classed out of my city real quick), the inequality that seem to be forced in some cases, the consistent peeking corporate America does into our lives, it's all reaching it's violent, gate-kept peak, and as the years go on, it seems to get wackier and wackier. I hear wackier things from some of my peers of the same race, I hear wackier things from others of different race, I don't pay much attention to media, but when it comes to my doorstep, an inevitable happening where everyone is so connected 24/7, it just seems…to get even more senseless.

My problem is I can't tell if this is just the process of growing up, or if I just need anxiety help, or if I'm wrong to feel that it'll soon be time for me to integrate myself into a different country with a different culture. I know it won't be the easiest for any expat, just it continuously feels like this bubbling isn't for me. I'll obviously survive it, but am I choosing to live in stress, am I just unprepared for the 'real world', or is tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Your general discomfort makes sense and is not unfounded. However if you are exposing yourself to the increased sensationalism in most media then your reaction may be, in part, due to this. Be careful, because this is exactly how they want you to react since it further validates their ability to feed and market their soykaf to you.

Keep the things you've already become wary of in mind, however focus on work and school. A general trend is the more professional environment you can access, the less you are exposed to the 'wacky' stuff you spoke of.


It's natural for you to feel anxiety, stressed out or simply alienated from your country.
You can think about moving but I honestly don't know if it would help. I thought about moving too but then I always end up at the same question: Where to? 95% of the planet is doing worse than I do.

I don't want to turn this into a political discussion but we live in a decaying system that sooner or later will wither apart. I tried to stop reading the news because it made me feel worse and worse.


Good response. Try to focus on bettering yourself and tune out of mainstream discourse for a little while.

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I cant escape it. Even 3 years later it haunts me.
The best choice of my life was to strike back against a bully in elementary school. It wasnt much, just whacked my bag against his jaw and it was pretty much it, some meetings with teachers but no real consequences.
It was the first time i actually stood up for myself. But ever since then ive been plagued by it. I cant stand my past memories of humiliation and insecurity. There were plenty of good moments but ive forgotten them by now, only the scars remain. I havent had contact with any of the people from that time for the past 3 years, but i still cant let it be the past.
I kind of wish i could get into a physical conflict again so i could prove to others and most of all to myself that im not weak and prey for others.


Step 1:
Be strong enough to believe you're not prey without having to prove it to others

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what does Alice do when they feel more sad than normal?
i haven't really had the best day today, hope it's the opposite for Alice.
11 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


It depends, if I feel bad around daytime I try to work out a little, it helps me. If it's evening/night I'm drinking and I know that I will have a few hours of positive thoughts before getting some sleep


I listen to some jazzy music and dance but if I'm too sad I can't. Sometimes I ride my bike as fast as I can (not on the road but areas that are only open to bikes and pedestrians)
I will try to programm some "art" in Love2D, play around with GIMP or even LMMS.
Recently I started writing poems when I feel this way.




Hopefully things are brighter for you these days, Alice.

Often times I just try my best not to think about it. Focus on escapism, such as investing myself into a game to keep my mind occupied, or maybe take some time to prepare a meal , even if I'm not hungry. As long as I'm left idle to think about how empty my life is.


Drink faster.

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How do you deal with all of the evil in the world, Alice? I don't mean by doing something to stop it, (but if you do then I'd like to know) but more so knowing that this stuff happens and just being able to acknowledge that it happens and still be content.
I have moments where I can, because I know that there's no point thinking about it or worrying if I can't do anything to stop it, but coming across it sometimes does get to me sometimes.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.


Mankind has been trying to root out evil in the world for a very long time my friend, some random on an imageboard likely won't fare much better than those before him.

Should the small opportunity present itself then yes, right the wrong in front of you, no matter how trivial it may be. Other than that , it would be best if he focuses on his "other problems," such as work, school, his social life. You know, the areas where he can actually make change for the better.

To answer the OP: I see evil in the same manner as I do clouds, forests and mountains; its part of being on this cerulean death-orb and that's not going to change. I'm not entirely certain what evils you refer to exactly, but personally I find it best to accept most of it, as there is little that can be done by just me alone. However, my advice to you would be to focus on the evil within your sphere of existence and do your best to remedy it when at all possible; at the very least you can control your personal life and try to keep it on the straight and narrow.

The world can fend for itself. Make differences where you can. No use fretting over what you can't change.


Suffering and injustice is the default for most of life, its no point in getting hung up on it. Thankfully the world is advancing evermore.


We'll find things to consider suffering and injustice even in a utopia. At least until we start bio hacking our brains, but I don't think we'll consider ourselves humans by that point.


>>1622 is so incredibly right. These are the three choices you will have when you reach a certain level of awareness. There's no "not making a choice". Gotta pick. Good luck OP, don't kill yourself.


"Evil" is a phantasm.
Bring on the next weepfest onto the front page of /all.

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Haven't you ever felt that everything you're doing is out of some deep, angry feeling you have inside of yourself?

This is a question I've been making myself for some time. Sometimes I feel that I just want revenge from all the pain I've suffered in my short life. Of course it is nothing actually painful. But it still hit me so hard that I still remember those events and I cling to it with passion and ire.

I do not let things go easily. I can already tell that about myself. I've been mad for the past couple of years because of how much I hated being me and how much I hated how things turned out in my life. Yes, I know, I can't change the past, but that doesn't quit the fact that it happened. And I have a hard time trying to cope that.

Once I wrote an article about how mad I was at this so-called god, who created me in a way that I couldn't achieve my highest aspirations. Maybe the reason why I hate the idea of religion is not because of some logic (although there is logic too) but because I hated how people could believe there was someone out there who could help them… and he couldn't help me… or didn't wanted to help me.

I don't know, sorry if this came out as a rant, but I seriously needed it.

Nowadays everything out there screams for happiness and love, and there's no room for raw emotions such as anger.

I would like to destroy everything and start again, but I know there's no way back…



It is better to write all of this off. One of the best things I have ever done was to keep a daily to register everything that I felt or thought. Because literally what you feel and think is what you are. The daily would develop things that could help you to be a better version of yourself, even if it is not the goal.
In my case I was internally perfectionist with myself, I used to have a systematic/neurotic personality, in a nutshell I had traits of mania, as methods of self defense for my ego. This idea can be of much harm for someone to keep, forcing the person to be self destructive.
But the best thing I can say is not to be sorry to be who you are. Nonetheless not to be afraid of who you are. Happiness is only a problem if you can't adapt to your situation.


For one, a good thing to do is write how you feel because it brings a different outlook on what you're going through than emotions alone, which can be deceiving. You'll understand yourself better and find things always missed.
Letting go is practice, telling yourself it has happened but now you have to look foward. Simple, hard and without an obvious feedback but necessary.

>who created me in a way that I couldn't achieve my highest aspirations

That is a problem because you're transfering guilt (rightful or not) to something else, it is a blinding slippery slope making it hard for you to distinguish what is just life, your fault and another's fault. You're not meant to achieve your highest aspirations, that is something you may or may be able to do but only you can try.

>Nowadays everything out there screams for happiness and love, and there's no room for raw emotions such as anger.

I don't think that is true, it's just that people want to see them more than it is possible, trying a forced utopical reality that everyone knows to be false.


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Your anger is a gift.


>Haven't you ever felt that everything you're doing is out of some deep, angry feeling you have inside of yourself?

no i only hate myself and even that's usualyl too much effort.

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Not long ago my best friend shot himself. I was asleep, and I didn't know until the next day.

I knew that there were warning signs. He had talked about suicide, and just a few days beforehand he had sent me a message, saying he really wanted to talk to someone. I had an argument a few days before and just didn't respond, until he sent me an email that I chose to speed-read, missing the point. At that point, he was dead, that was his suicide note, but I only knew about it after the fact.

It's weird, it hit me hard at first but I had a few hours where I barely thought about it. It's eerie. We fought a lot, and had a few big ones before he made his decision. I can't help but feel like I skipped the signs, and that his blood is on my hands. That is a reality that I keep coming back to.

In other words, has anyone lost a friend? A close one? Or just in general, since I'm not really understanding the roller coaster of emotion at the moment.
9 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


Wait. If I don't suck someone's cock and they kill themselves, this is my fault?


why the fuck were two posts deleted from this thread fucking cunts on moderators??????????????????



The reason for post being deleted are simple.

The post were toxic and didn't participated in any way shape or form to the conversation. When someone break rule it's our job to apply them. Consider yourself warn.


I'm the other Alice who's post got deleted. Apparently you mistake playful jousting with "toxic" content just like they did on that other site we all left behind. Traffic is slow enough here, a little fun and games would not go amiss.



The action was taken by administrator. If you want to discuss it go on /q/.

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hello anons…. i'm having a bad day i have no friends my boss and people i work with screams at me
class no one to sit with or in lunch wish i was loved


I love you, Alice.
Keep pushing on…


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Some time passed and you're probably better now. What gets you through bad days?
I doubt (and seriously hope not) that posting on arisuchan is that big a part of it.
My interest is mostly selfish, perhaps improve my own coping, but they say helping is its own reward…

Also if you have literally nobody to talk to, making friends only isn't that scary.


meant online


have you considered quitting your job?
im not suggesting it but its something i frequently think about

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So my "girlfriend" just texted me that she didnt have anymore feels towards cause of my clingy behavior.
Any of you anons have some tips to get with it ?
Most of the time i can stay ok but only for a sceond and then it hurts…
6 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


lift, try to plan a trip somewhere this summer to have something to look forward to, like in another country or somewhere you've never been; even if you're poor for three months afterwards it's worth it.
also no one likes clingy people, stop doing that


From one helpless clingy glitterboy to the next , it can be a little tough to avoid being such an annoyance when you don't notice you're doing it. There's nothing with being affectionate but know when less is more, too much and you'll burn them out. Some introspection is not a bad idea. Try and recognize some of the clingy mannerisms and think of when you should limit them, when appropriate.

This kind of thing is tough man but time heals all wounds. Just hang in there. There's not much else you can do.


Remember this pain, and use it to make yourself stronger.


Obviously the only answer is murder-suicide.


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I'm scared to create a github account. I don't want my code to be seen and associated with my persona.


Then don't, i fail to see the problem


kids these days seem to think that having a git repository and github account equals the same


make a gitlab/bitbucket one and code in private
although 10 years from now and encryption is forfeit you'll get exposed anyway, that is if anyone cares


You could also just use it locally.

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Hello lainons
I'm a friend of you from Turkey.
Let me introduce myself…
I'm 19 high school drop out(i graduated it later) an asocial assburger.
I interested in computers science since 8-9 years old.
I don't have friends , girlfriend etc.
I'm studying to university exam this year.
But I don't have a goal.
I don't want to do something.
I know live has a point but i can't enjoy while living.
Most of this problems releated my country probably.
Weird country weird people.
Anyway guys.

I need a goal.
What are beauties of world,sciences,girls etc?
I know life worths to live. I should live because of religional reasons.
12 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I bet you are cute as fuck.
Send some nudes and I will provide you with all the meaning you want.


I didn't see this. Sorry. I assure you you don't want see hairy Turkish man.


Good bye virtual world. I'm leaving all imageboards and most of social media.


take care, it's cold


what make you think so

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