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Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

File: 1495909612628.jpg (29.05 KB, 569x800, C_vXo4MXgAAFwV_.jpg)


i am a victim of serious abuse trauma and this revictimization thing has been fucking me up for the longest time.
basically i instigate soykaf on the chance that i get punished for it. ive lost so many friends because of it.
please help if you can


Few people here could actually relate to your issue.
I am not sure what it is that you are looking for; if you seek serious help with managing your issues, then I guess imageboard is highly unlikely to help you in any significant manner. I would advise seeing a mental health professional.
If you want to talk, see what other people's input might be, then you are welcome to do so, but you have given us insufficient amount of information for conversation. Understandingly, it's not an easy thing to open up about, but if you just want to talk, then there has to be something to expand on.
What is it about your behavior in interpersonal relations that you think is the problem?

Once again, please seek professional aid in meatspace. I seriously doubt that anything else might be of serious help to you.


I can relate and you need to stop.

you can stop.


idk how to help you other than to say you need to stop. i would say to seek help via a medical professional, as medication seems like the best option.

also how dare that person manhandle that poor pup. i'd hope they are not actually applying pressure, but it looks like they are choking it


File: 1497683784082.jpg (151.55 KB, 663x900, 1497174873522.jpg)

You need to find an outlet.

I hate to say it, but online trolling my help, or soykaf posting.

Finding an outlet or something that makes you feel the same way online will make you feel great.

I do it, it helps a lot.

File: 1496662732452.jpg (20.43 KB, 720x540, lainsdarkroom.jpg)


Hello lains,
Do you have a purpose in life, method, policy, achievements that you cherish?
Have you reached a stable way of living, both internally and externally? Or do you feel you still have a long search before you find yourself?
Are there any things you strongly believe, what are they; or none?
What are your recurrent thoughts and feelings, if you have any?

I personally think I am emerging from a period of confusion about everything.
The search is not over yet.

General thread about underlying motivations and states in life.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I have nothing to look forward to, I just let things happen.


I want to find a niche in life that I can both contribute to society in a meaningful way and enjoy myself. Currently I am trying to do this in academia.

I have not reached a stable state yet. I will definitely not be able to have a decent life in the country i am living in. I need to get out but this must be in a way that I will have the same financial status in the place I go to, otherwise I will definitely not be happy there as well. I reflect this frustration onto my studies but it seems that I am not talented enough, I am good but not among the best.

I am always unconsiously trying to find a solution to this situation but it's always depressing. Until this time, I've always had a B plan but I am stuck this time. Still I can't turn off my brain or scratch everything. I just continue doing what I do, even though the boat is slowly sinking.

I just want to hurry up and see what I look like when my life stabilizes at my 30s. To brace for the impact, at least.


blow a REALLY good load of cum. im talking a fucking stream. you know how sometimes your cum builds up really hard before it shoots out and then its like it hits an extra burst? it shoots maybe one, two feet further than it usually does. maybe it suprises you by ripping through the tissue or hitting a wall. i want to do that, but like, TEN TIMES as strong


I think you'd have to nofap for a while to get that.

What a time to be alive


I believe in a God who is directing the world, this belief gives me strength and purpose because I know all the pain and suffering of the world would be for a greater glory and would not be for nothing.

I have anxiety about other people and there capacity for hate, envy, greed and violence.

I have feelings of being in the control of a fake persona formed by the need to conform to other peoples and society's expectations.

File: 1493512365728.jpg (153.8 KB, 1280x720, 0C9.jpg)


What is the longest you've ever stayed inside, lain?
12 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


I'm a wage slave in as much as I work 2 days a week back to back… so I stay in 5 days a week. Once I complete my training and can work from home then I imagine I'll never see the light of day again.


What job? Congratulations by the way.


I'm pretty much the same except I have to wage slave 3 days a week
Oh what I'd give for that extra day off!


I started homeschooling in high school so I had a 4 and a half year stint of going out once every two months with my mom to the store or something, but staying in for all the rest. I felt isolated and like I wasn't myself when I went out, but now that I wage slave, I feel like my job is just an extension of my room considering I work in a cubical job. No matter what, I feel tired and dead inside but its a comforting feeling now.


It was for 4 months just after uni drop out. Going out once a week for meal before closing hours. It was destroying me phisycaly and mentaly. Especially neurosis fucked me up a bit and now I'm recovering myself piece by piece. Wageslave now for 5days/week as a helpdesk. I hate this job because of boredome and not learning anything new. Trying to learn programming and web dev now to do something paid from home and want to go to the uni again.

File: 1495754891318.png (799.69 KB, 1280x547, call.png)


For those of you in a committed long-term relationship, how would you feel if you were to discover that your boyfriend or girlfriend were in fact an artificially intelligent android made of completely synthetic components? Would you still love them all the same or would your perceptions change? I'm not sure how I would answer the question myself, but it would likely depend on whether or not I believed that they truly experienced consciousness.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


File: 1495847243526.jpg (28.59 KB, 315x420, sci0903cyborg_A1_420.jpg)

>Of course we're talking about little more than an incredibly advanced sex toy here, at best a companion like a geisha
No. We're not. Lain is describing a fully autonomous person that just happens to be synthetic. In this hypothetical world androids would have to blend seamlessly into society otherwise the situation described in the original post could not happen.

Take someone you know and love today. Replace their insides with wires and circuit boards. Does that change how you feel about them? That is what this thread is about.


I'll address your questions in two parts. The first being "Would you date an android?" that you asked in the title and the second one "What if your SO was a bot?".

To start with the first one.

This is a tricky one Lain. I think we need to take into account several factors before I (or anyone for that mater) can answer this.

Is this android indistinguishable from a normal human? Or does it have all of the quirks of say Dorothy from The Big O?

> For me this wouldn't be a deal breaker. Quirks could be cute. However if I could pick a model that didn't have them I probably would.

Does she fulfill all of the needs that a meat grill does? Does she excel at fulfilling your needs?

> Emotional fulfillment is the difference between a relationship and hiring a prostitute.

Can you fuck it?

> Since the dawn of time man has always asked this great question and it's not different this time around. Sex while not the main focus of most relationships is still a big factor and one that can be ignored. If it can't take my dick then I'll stick with good old flesh and blood.

Can it have your kids.

> Important to some and less so for others. I could deal with not having kids if it met my other needs.

Really at the end of the day it's all about if meets what each and everyone of us is looking for in a relationship. For me I am looking for someone who I can feel safe around and that is on the same wavelength as me. Having never found that anywhere else you can bet your ass I would jump ship for the illusion of that. Heck I would even dump whoever I was with at the time for a droid that could give me that.

The only exception is if I found a human girl who gave me all of that. All things being equal flesh > chips.

As for the second question, it's fairly simple to answer once we get past the first part.

If after a fun night with the wife I scratch away some flesh by mistake and find her cold pulsing CPU I don't think a thing would change. Well I might tease her from then on out for keeping it from me.

> if SO cant into captcha do i keep fucking?



>Take someone you know and love today. Replace their insides with wires and circuit boards. Does that change how you feel about them?

The mere fact you know its artificial would change everything, you could still develop feelings but it would be more akin to loving a car, the exception would be the truly forever alone types like that emo black guy from detroit who lives with a realdoll and pretends it is his girlfriend rather than a sex toy

For those kinds of people these synths would be a blessing but at the same time a good enough synth might simply refuse to be with them just like a real person would in which case most people would ask whats the point of going through all the BS of a REAL relationship if the "person" is fake

Think about it, is like paying genuine imported gruyère prices for non-diary cheese in a can


File: 1495889372698.jpg (551.54 KB, 840x1078, robot-rights.jpg)

You keep making it out like we're talking about products you can purchase when we're actually talking about autonomous androids living their own lives. The question is whether or not—in this hypothetical world where androids and humans live harmoniously with one another—you would treat an artificial person differently than a natural one.


I don't think thats the question.
Perhaps a good analogy is more along the lines of:

You and a person you know, trust, and appreciate are out and about, doing whatever it is y'all do. Shopping, going out to eat, whatever. At one point something happens; your friend is crossing the street, doesnt see, a car comes out of no where and hits him down. You rush to see, to help if you can, and where parts of his skin are scrapped off on the pavement there is no blood, but a leakage of wires, some fluids leaking from pipes.

Now your friend never told you he was an android, but he probably never said he wasnt, either. You just assumed and he passed well enough that you had no doubts. Is he dishonest for not saying? Do you stop trusting him?

I feel like, personally inevitably I would view him differently. But I think that would happen at any time. The point is, he is the same person, no one scooped out his guts and stuck in some circuitry. You just learned more about him than before.

Am I being dishonest if I do not pass everyone I meet and befriend a copy of my biography, and emails/phone numbers to confirm who I am? Is it unfair to not tell a person that I meet that I was abused by my father? Or that I have a long history of depression? Or that I once spent an entire summer vacation making paper airplanes with my friends? Where do we draw the line between obligatory data and data that can be held in private, and what is the difference between prospective SO's and random acquaintances? Do I have to tell the barista that I am infertile, just because they might be a prospective sexual partner at one point down the line? I don't think so.

We keep some information private. Eventually, if we are intimate, we might be more forethcomming.

But, I am pretty sure that if I were an android in today's world, I would be very discerning about who I let know I was not human, and I would be paranoid about others discovering that fact. Not everyone is an asshole, but enough ignorant, nasty, and insecure people seek and exploit those who lack the power to retaliate. As an android, a minority that many people no doubt would hesitate to grant rights to, it would be imperative to not let that minority status be reviled.

File: 1495280221870.jpg (3.92 KB, 300x168, isolation.jpg)


Has anyone gone through a bad breakup with someone you were in a serious relationship with? How did you cope? How long did it take for you to be at peace?


I have. It's been years, but I'm still not fully at peace. Only having a poor memory makes it less bad every year, sadly. I wish I wouldn't forget, though.
I didn't cope well. I don't really have advice. It was a year long online relationship with a great man.


Dated the first girl I ever loved for 3 years. That was 3 years ago. I didn't cope well either at first. We still talk regularly, and never really stopped talking regularly. I'm "over" her in the sense that given the oppurtunity to date her again I'd turn it down, but I definitely still love her. Probably always will.

As for advice, what got me "peace" was loving and supporting her in her decisions, meditation, and learning to really love who I am. I wouldn't really say I'm at peace, but that would be for other reasons. But in regards to her, our romantic chapter of my life has ended and I'm ok with that.

Haven't come anywhere close to feeling the same way about another girl and have mostly given up hope that I ever will. Really all I want is a girl who isn't retarded but apparently that's asking too much.


The love of my life divorced me 3 years ago after a 10 year relationship. I "cope" with drugs/alcohol and sleeping 12+ hours a day. Peace for me will seemingly only come in death.


I'm sorry, lainon.

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I dont know who am I anymore I feel like I am this kind loving person and then next minute I turn into this person that hates humans and is selfish and dont feel emotions at all. Everyone I know thinks that I am a snake and a heartless person but I am not at the same time I feel like I am withering away.


friendly neighborhood Stirner dropping by to tell you this:
You can get professional help, but only if you feel that your condition is affecting your life in a negative way. If you find yourself becoming comfortable with the way you are, don't try to fight it.


You can change who you are. Put effort and thought into decisions that might affect your image. Perception is reality, you are who you seem to be to an extent.


Sounds like your emotions are impulsive, and you lack control over them. You could either ignore the hate and keep up with the kindness you started when you felt like it, or resist the urge to be nice and kind and just be selfish and cold all the time. You could also go for a stable, unchanging balance of not as kind as you feel like, but then not as selfish as you feel like.
Controlling emotions doesn't mean you magically make yourself feel something else; it means being independent of them and basing your choice of actions not on your feelings, but your plans or principles. If that is not viable to you for -any- reason, it means you lack self control; though I'm not saying you're ought to attain it, you can remain what you are now.

File: 1494965150028.png (262.99 KB, 445x417, p3j.png)


need to vent, sorry

dad treats mom and sis like soykaf, but we have a good relationship
how do I confront this situation? seems kinda weird to lose it and enter in a über-autistic rage mode when both parties start to yell at each other
although I agree with mom and sis to an extent, it's very difficult to simply pick a side when I have no beef with anybody
this situation is turning me into a hikki, too, I hardly leave my room and talk to other people, everytime I have to go out I have to deal with this and it got me cornered
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


File: 1495028375307.jpg (47.08 KB, 563x609, że_co_kurwa.jpg)

OP, don't get involved, if you want to do something encourage them to stand up to him. DO NOT CONFRONT HIM.

Confronting him will just destroy what you have, and if you are worried about becoming a hikki, this wont help. Encourage them, dont fight for them.

Ultimately Families are a soykaf storm, get out of there, you'll be much happier.


>you don't
that's pretty terrible advice, honestly. a third party should try to help by absorbing emotions. not even just to help the family; letting a situation like this build is definitely going to come back and hurt OP (or is already).

don't start side-taking, though, unless a side starts trying to manipulate or physically abuse.


>that's pretty terrible advice
It could be, or it could not be. We don't have enough information.
Obviously, OP does not blindly obey anything anyone writes in a thread. I'm just advising modesty and calm in action. Less of a 'I'm pissed off → one time confrontation/outburst → everyone claps', more of a systemic, long-term approach.
It is unlikely that involvement by an emotionally swayed party will end up beneficial.

>letting a situation like this build is definitely going to come back and hurt OP

Not necessarily.

>honestly. a third party should try to help by absorbing emotions

Mediation could be helpful, but it could be harmful both to the one attempting the mediation if he gets too absorbed, and to the situation itself - it would not be an impartial mediator, but a strongly emotionally invested person.


>Ultimately Families are a soykaf storm, get out of there, you'll be much happier.
This so much, I don't get why people have families when it's just… something very foul.


God willing, I'll graduate in a year and never talk to mine again. My real family is my friends (and lain w)

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Today I felt: jealousy.

I like this girl. I asked her out some time ago, she said "no, but maybe if I get to know you better that could change". Fast forward a semester, we've become somewhat close. I think (thought?) she liked me, so I was going to ask her out some this week. Now, why haven't I? My excuse was the current socio-political situation of my country. There have been protests almost daily since a month and a half (not hard to guess where I'm from, but whatever) and it's hard to develop a normal living under this circumstances. Also, I don't have the fighter spirit within me, so I don't usually go to protest myself. Now, I can't wait longer to ask her out, so I decided to do it today. Why didn't do it? This is the important part of the post.

We usually talk almost every night, just after we finish watching a movie. We like to talk about movies and music and sometimes our conversations finish really late. Last nigh she wasn't there. Now, usually she tells me if she's having problems with the power (power outtages aren't rare) or the internet. I didn't push it, so I went to sleep.
In the morning, I can tell something is bothering her. I ask her about it and she acknowledges the issue, but she insists that she's ok. I don't push it.
After that, we went looking for a friend. Now, he's a really cool guy, genuinely funny and a bit whacky. When we found him, we started talking. Soon I felt like I had been left out of the conversation. I saw her face and she was really into what he's telling (mostly about things he's done or situations he has been into). I had never seen that face, mostly because our conversations occur by text, after we watch some movie/listen to something interesting.
And then, the insecurities came to fuck my ass. I started comparing myself to him. I do better in class, but he has much more experience in some topics. He's really funny and someone you'd like to be around, I don't see myself as such. He looks so sure about himself, I fake it really well but sometimes the mask falls off.
(Lately, our group of friends were describing each other's personalities. The game was over when they couldn't find out what to say about me. Other instance of the issue: as we don't have too much time knowing each other, we were curious about what do we do when we're drunk. One guy said about me: "Well, I think that lainon is like lainon² when he's drunk". Of course, I asked him what did he meant. "Well, I think you'd Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

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Do you feel human? Do you want to be human? I personally spend my entire day looking at a computer screen processing and putting out information, in my gut I know this is as far from the human condition as you can get. Whatever our ancestors did to survive and thrive enough for us to get to this point… this isn't it. The way they lived hardwired their brains to get pleasure out of certain things and to breed certain habits. Habits that we are getting away from and still surviving. Maybe our brains weren't meant to do this. All this typing and reading and listening, I don't feel like I'm truly living. I'm simply prolonging my existence. The threat of death is irrelevant to me, I don't feel it in my day to day.
If not human than what are we and what are we becoming? What are we training our brains to do and what could that possibly mean for any offspring we might have? I'm not sure if I want to live like this any longer.
9 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


>All I want is to be remembered
I have a similar but different thought. I'd like to make permanent, great changes to the world, but I don't really like the spotlight. But the spotlight will be an unfortunate side effect of making a better world, if I ever do that.
But I'll likely commit suicide before then.
I used to be skinhungry, but then I got tired of Grindr, tired of people with no intellect. Now I don't do much, but I keep wishing both for true love and for BDSM.
>we can disassociate ourselves from it
Why would you want to do this? To take away this great freedom? Without the internet, my life would be so much more painful, and my life full of so much more abuse.


(I was >>145)
I think the internet is wonderful, but it's a dependence that I could do without. I think I would be better off weaning myself from it. If you want to keep it, go ahead.


I think being human means abstraction with boredom and curiosity. Unlike animals which seem generally content when not driven by any instinct or need, humans abstract things away, and thus get bored of anything. They even get bored of being content, and so they never are. They want to try those things, they want to see, they want to know. They want to do better than whatever was the best so far, they want more and get greedy, unless they got bored of wanting more, or are curious what is it like not to. They only ever stop when they break (becoming something less than human) or when they die.

In this sense, I like and want to remain human. As for spending most of my day looking on a computer screen processing information, I have no qualms as it hasn't ran out of new things, and so far I haven't abstracted it away well enough to make it boring. Nevertheless I understand that there are more complete things to abstract that include but are not limited to this lifestyle.


Agreed about this.


I like the sensations and mixed emotions. Abstractions and information are alright I guess. I'm tired of pretending that I subscribe to some vague form of virtue ethics through my intellect though or that I'm above my sensations.

File: 1494632941226.png (576.32 KB, 640x640, merge_with_computers.png)


I was flipping through an old diary of mine somewhat recently and rediscovered this note I had written to myself during the peak of my struggles with dissociation and psychosis a little over a year ago.

Fuck it.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Be with your own kind.
Merge with computers.

I was seriously questioning if I were an artificial intelligence just brute-force simulating digitally accelerated human lives in an effort to understand humanity present in the real world. I made this image to try and capture the excruciating levels of alienation and feelings of defeat I was suffering from at the time.

Has lain experienced psychosis?


I used to think I was a robot, because I just never understood people and was very very dissociated.

I always worked on computers as I was hoping to one day finally just merge into the computers to live what ever life I wanted.

I still struggle with people, they are annoying and rude. If one day I can be uploaded to a computer I will do it in a heartbeat.


File: 1494667684020.jpg (54.82 KB, 285x380, 9f7a326b93ff6fcaf2f018d2ff….jpg)

I never really felt like I was a robot/AI, as I always assumed that one of those capable of my level of intelligence are not essentially different from me. I always put little value on my human/flesh specific aspects like hunger, desire, passion, fear, stuff that robots might lack. The one I valued was curiosity-boredom because I think is the single thing that drives humanity, and something that would likely be present in AI too. Lastly, if I was actually a robot, then what? Maybe I would start doubting if I am a robot… what if I'm just a human that believes itself to be a robot?!

What I did have a thing for was kami (and mountains, trees, wind and soil). I mean, almost all of my parts kinda grew on soil before I ate them, and same goes for my parents, teachers, and my surroundings that taught and made me into who and what I am.


I have a tendency to think of humans as wireframe characters and animals as meat robots.


I like how "be the change you want to see in the world" implies transhumanism with the "merge with computers"
Sounds /cyb/ as fuck

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