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/feels/ - personal experiences

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Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

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I know you don't hate me, but i wish you did so i could go on with my life without pretending there would ever be a way to be with you.

vent your feels alice


I wish I could cut myself off from the real world, cut myself off from the things in real life because I cause too many problems, and at least I can control where I go and who I interact with on the wired. I cause too much harm than good. I don't know how people can deal with me, but they do, even though I know they'll be tired of me eventually. I'm not a particularly interesting person, nor am I really positive or anything, so getting rid of me isn't all that hard. I just need to get into the habit of avoiding other people, and I think, then, things will be okay.


I miss my mebbies! TOT


I feel your feels alice.
I'll figure out a way to merge my consciousness into the wired eventually.

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Recently, a good friend of mine gave me $40 for a T-shirt he wanted. That same friend also said he never liked me and doesn't want to talk to me again. Even though he hates my guts for no good reason, he still wants his money back. I want to use the money to teach myself computer skills , programming, electronics, and cyberpunk lit as I am completely new to it. What should I do with the money, Alice?
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


you should give it back. Just because he's an arse that doesn't mean you have to be one too.


Yeah, I agree. You don't really solve anything by holding onto the money.

Also, if learning computer skills is something you really want to do, 40$ shouldn't make a difference. If you truly want to do it you should be able to find the money somehow. Good luck!



I'll give it back. It's the right thing to do.


I'd just go "well I though you don't want to talk to me anymore, so how about you fuck right off and ask your mom for pocket money instead of me?"


if you gave the shirt, the deal's done,
and there's no sense in undoing it now.

> want to use the money to teach myself

you really don't need money for that.

> What should I do with the money, Alice?

i'd really appreciate it if you would buy me groceries.

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What's outside your window right now?

From here on the second story off my home, I can peer right over the edge of the roof and see the empty street of my suburban neighborhood, lined with street lamps and withering trees going full-Monty for the winter. The only disruption is the occasional car or motorcycle cruising down the avenue running perpendicular to the road I live on.

Thought it was an interesting idea for a thread, so why not? What's outside your window, Lain?
26 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


My neighbor's kids jumping on their snowy trampoline. Such joy and purity.


I see the quiet little street I live on, and the somewhat busy road connected to it. Across said road I can see a home hardware store with bright outdoor lights, illuminating the sidewalks surrounding it. Each light produces two glares in my vision, resulting from my double-layered windows. All the lights in my view are LEDs bar two - both visible from my bed, yet blockable with the window pane in between my windows. The two lights are incandescent, and somewhat relaxing to doze off to. Some nights I can see the moon from my window, and watch it as I attempt to sleep.

The LED streetlights are interesting. They don't produce much heat. During a particularly cold day this month, I could see icicles hanging from the streetlights. The icicles carried the light in a pleasant manner. The LEDs each have antennas on top of them, and apparently are connected to a mesh network.

I suppose this isn't so much what I see, but rather what I'm looking at when I look out of my windows.


My backyard, with old trees obscuring the view of old, decaying village houses in the distance.

On cloudier days it has a nice melancholic feeling, otherwise it just seems like a boring moribund place… which isn't inaccurate.


>Pentax Optio 330
That was the camera I got for my 10th birthday. :)


do you have any other photos?
it's ++good.

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As the holidays have come up on the calendar I've started to really wonder about this past year.

I graduated high school this past May, I'm part-timing at a restaurant on minimum wage and the only girl I like has a boyfriend already. A close friend of mine left for university and I never seem to see my other friends nearly often enough to keep the aching loneliness at bay. I've matured quite a bit in the past year or two, but I never seem to find any real, lasting contentment in my life outside of fleeting moments here and there. I don't even own my own car yet.

I want to get my life in order, but no amount of "self-help" content is getting me any closer. My faith used to help a lot, but it's effectiveness has mellowed out and i don't feel as rejuvenated as I once did after attending my church, despite the fact that I believe it as much as I always have. The only hobby I have left to me is anime - which honestly translates to "I sit and watch tv and call it a hobby".

I feel like I'm on the verge of choking, never quite able to fill my lungs with enough oxygen to feel satisfied. The air is getting colder by the day, I feel like I'm far more socially anxious lately and my use of pornography has taken a startling upturn and, if I'm being completely honest right now…I'm quite literally on the verge of tears as I type this, and I have no idea why. Maybe it's the music I'm listening to right now.

I felt fine not even two hours ago, but suddenly my mood has turned downward. Far, far downward. I feel especially lost today, and I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life today or tomorrow or the day after that. I need to feel something, Alice. I need to make sense of the incomprehensible and I need to cry. I don't know what else to do. Maybe I don't have enough of the right nutrients in my body right now and it's causing my mood to suffer. Maybe I'm just a young guy who's mopey because he doesn't know when the next time he'll see his crush is. Maybe I'm just that pathetic.

I'm not whining because I'm consciously looking for pity - save that for someone who is. But I'm desperate for wisdom, and while I continue to pray for it I hope this could be the avenue by which I finally receive it. And, if you wish, feel free to relate your own experience. But it's my topic not my website, so do whatever you will - I'm not stopping you

Think of this as a sort of lament, Alice. A prayer to Lain.



Stop praying, god ain't going to help you for soykaf. What you are experiencing is close to "Seasonal Depression". Want to make sense of you life? Set yourself a goal as fucking useless as it can be doesn't matter try to to reach that goal.

That how i get through my life or at least try to.


If you think it means begging God to take action on your behalf, then you simply have the wrong impression of what prayer is. But think what you will, that's not the topic at hand

I already set goals for myself, but that's just something to get me through the day. I have no long term goals because I have no concrete desires to set goals for, outside of the vague notion of stability and a future family.



You have to immerse yourself with new thing get out of the old worries of long terms goal. You don't have control on them, control what you can. You could read a wikipedia page every day for exemple about a interesting subject.

Interest yourself on topics or thing you never fully experience. Your mind is setting himself in a "routine" break the routine and fill your mind. I recommend that you fill you mind with interesting knowledge however.



I want give you a hug man. Try not to worry so much how you should be, or how to improve yourself or how to conform to some standard you think the outside world expects you to. You're doing fine. Just find something you enjoy doing and spend time with people you enjoy spending time with.


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My guy, as a Catholic myself the only advice I can offer you is this:
"Do not, I beseech you, be troubled about the increase of forces already in dissolution. You have mistaken the hour of the night: it is already morning."
Basically you need to realize that we're in the fucking dark ages right now. Much of the problems affecting huge portions of the population right now that are perceived as simple facts of life are actually just simple facts of late-stage capitalism. Secularism is the regime we live under. You can try to make yourself at home in it, but it's not going to work, you only think it will work, it's all wretch and no vomit, the worship of the Spectacle, the life enshrined in our perception of "society" that we are always forced to behold but can never attain.
It isn't my place to tell you what to do, maybe by going with the flow and adapting to the system it will be possible to obtain some happiness without totally selling your soul, but imo that is at best a stopgap measure and you know it. The only true way out is to forfeit everything society has trained you to desire, and then to live unconditionally. I would like you to be happy, but the kind of happiness you're looking for just isn't compatible with the current system. You will keep getting the illusion of happiness, in many forms, the weekend, your "friends," consuming media/games, distraction in general etc. You'll NEVER get that sense of belonging which an intelligent man such as yourself always comes to desire, not even from the Church because Church is perceived to be a "second place" in secular society, whereas in a non-secular one Church was seen as the whole point and culmination of the week leading up to it.
This is the reality: We simply live under a system that alienates the truly intelligent. The less you are, the more you have. You can either be the poet who can't express himself or the worker who has no self to express. In both cases you suffer immensely. As of right now, there is nothing in the entire universe to be happy about, so I suggest you look somewhere else for that, and I think you know where I'm going with this. Choose to keep your suffering earthly and your mirth heavenly. That's the best I can come up with, hope it helps.

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Cyberpunk suits today's social landscape very well. We can be anything we want, as strange as others opinion can manage, and I like that. I want to be diffrent from the mass. Ghosts Stands Alone
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I think your logic is flawed.

>Not wanting to be labeled is the newest, hypest mass-brand label subculture.

I agree.

>I'd rather be labeled and be a normal person than such a bloody hipster.

Is this not exactly the mindless contrarianism you find disagree-able with the populations not wanting to be labeled?


It kinda is, indeed. But so is trying to find something that is even more outside-of-the-box. The while point of labels is to roughly cover the entire world in a bunch of joint sets that let you quickly locate things. We reached a point where people are producing sets so small that it's impossible to know all of them, and it's also impossible to be something that is unique or hipster because everything is already covered. So the only winning strategy is not to play anymore.


>the only winning strategy is not to play anymore.
My thoughts exactly.


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>Ghosts Stands Alone


> newest
Did I time travel to 1993 or something?

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why is all software so soykafty?
>run program
>12 errors occur
>only 3 of them print
>1/10 times you need to modprobe or fix the registry to cater to this pajeet's spaghetti code
>"Sorry, we haven't worked in X feature to work while Y is set"
>"Your firmware/hardware isn't compatible yet"
>"Everyone must abide by my useless protocols"
put silicon valley out of its goddamn misery.


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Because everything in life has a soykaf side to it.

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I keep torturing myself. I cant take up any hobby like programming because i always need to pick up my study backlog. But my discipline is soykaf when i study, i continually disrupt my work with reflex opening of a site to procrastinate on.
The end result is that i spend all my time on soykaf sites made to waste my time with worthless trivia.


Try to turn off the internet. It helps me


Get away from your computer.

If you need to study, pack your books, if you have a laptop and phone leave them behind, go to a library, find a cubicle and work. There's no easy way around your own distractions, taking the easy way is why you have a problem in the first place.

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Well i dont know what should i do. Maybe i should start telling my story from background. When i was younger i tried to be like each other. I wanted to play computer, spend time with friends and have a good times. But there was only dreams. Other schoolboys hated me so i had no friends. My laptop had a problem in soldered RAM so i couldnt use it normally. After seven years of bulling i left that school. My parents are assholes. Now i have 2 lives. Just another freak and a bit succsessful hacker. i dont feel that im really living. My social skills started getting bad few month ago. So what should i do?


We now know some of your past, but what about the future? Do you have any plans? Anything you want to achieve, anything that you dream of?


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Well i done that i want. I dont know what im actually going to do in future

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This is a thread to vent out your feelings. I recently took a Bio test and I feel like I bombed despite studying for hours on it. What pisses me off the most is that the teacher had a review guide on his website but none of the questions actually matched the content of the test. Why have a study guide that doesn't even help? Screw college.
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I would love to dude but I have three classes with her. I don't and never really friends and there was a time while we were together and I saw her as my only one but that time has surly passed and I use "friend" EXTREMELY lightly. She's a extremely short sighted, idiotic, disgusting toxic person but I'll survive regardless. Hearing her go on about how much she wants him as she neglects doing classwork makes me sick on so many levels but I'm becoming numb to it.


But you don't need to interact with her, that's what i'm saying.


I know. I let her go on without really interacting or engaging but it doesn't even phase her. It's not so bad, as the days pass it hurts less and seeing her for who she really is makes me happy things ended when they did so it's like no problem.


I decided to tell my ex to either stop telling me about her relationship stuff with other guys because its inconsiderate and disrespectful to me and my feelings or to just stop talking to me. All she replied with was "hmm". I asume thats a no and am happy to cut her out of my life and be done with her bullsoykaf. I should have done this much sooner. The awkwardness of seeing them in my classes will suck but at least a toxic person is out of my life and its for the best


Well done.

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hello all who take the time to read this. for a while my family has been planning to leave Texas and leave to start a new life in Seattle after ive graduated high school, which is soon approaching. I was perfectly fine with this considering we have moved around quite a few times all my life and i was never one to be good at making or keeping friends, In addition I had always done well in school and knew if i tried I could be successful anywhere so if we moved I saw no problem. But the truth is I really hoped every time we moved I would find something that would make me feel happy or make a connection that would stay. Even though I did well in school, it gave me no fulfillment no matter how proud I made my family. It all just felt empty and I was passively fading through life.That was until I met this girl who later became my best friend, Only real friend ive ever had really, and girlfriend. Being with her has been the first time in a long time Ive actually been happy and connected to someone. I love her to death but she has little to no ambition along with many other problems, mostly mental, and is perfectly fine living an average life in this sleepy boring town and cant come with me if i were to choose to go. by the time i graduate i will have the choice to stay with her or go live in Seattle. I dont know what to do. Academic success has brought me no happiness sand I question success in my career will either in seattle, especially when Im all alone again.but this girl has. But staying would mean im on my own and and would have to give up going to college so I can work to support myself and risk a relationship that might fail in the future and risk regretting all that I gave up to have this average life.Do I go to Seattle where I will have more opportunity and be more successful in my career or stay in this small town in Texas and settle down with her?
3 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


Unfortunately this, if it's a hard decision it's not worth rolling the dice, you're gonna end up leaving people behind your whole life, you might have a few soykafty nights but you'll get used to it.


There are always opportunities to find love and companionship. There are not always opportunities to do something meaningful with your life. Go to Seattle.


Yeah I'd have to agree.

If this girl was the love of your life, didn't have any obvious mental problems, maybe it would be a good idea to stay, but the fact that you're asking shows that it wouldn't be a good decision. You can find love elsewhere, as soykafty as it is to say.


So you are about to finish high school, right?
Sorry kiddo, but the first thing to consider is that your relationship so far has not yet been tested in an environment where you have to work. Work means you go home tired and empty inside, and would love if someone did the laundry cooking cleaning etc stuff for you; now, if
>she has little to no ambition along with many other problems, mostly mental
is what I think it is, chances are you'll be doing that too, which means you won't have energy or time to actually enjoy the company and be with this girl the way you've been until now. Add that you are young (read: you have little first-hand statistical data that your intuition can rely on in predicting your future emotions and behavior and needs), and you're basically betting your best chance to climb into cyberpunk coolness on your first successful attempt in friendship.

We're glad you finally found someone close, got a girlfriend and all. Still there's a high chance that the changes coming will break things down, it'll feel like she changed or you changed - because you will, you'll be supporting yourself, keeping a house up, and having significantly less time to not be serious. You seem to approach this situation like your only chance at love, which is just plain hilarious. Don't stop trying just because you did it once, you can do again. Most importantly though, love is not a requirement of happiness, and as you have already stated you're looking for happiness. Since you've barely found any so far, major change seems a wise choice.
Last of all, you don't wanna listen to people go "Ah, if I had the smarts to go to college like you do, I sure as hell would've!".


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Invite this girl into your life, that's the only thing you can do. you choose where you want to live and work. then its her choice if she wants to be with you. i don't want you regretting this in the future that you missed a opportunity with a girl you really liked. i thought i could handle it but it eats you from the inside.

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