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/feels/ - personal experiences

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Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

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> I don't know.
Do you want to talk about it?


I would also be willing to talk about it with you…. Curious as to why it replaced the donation drive announcment….


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>Curious as to why it replaced the donation drive announcment….
I'm tired of asking for money and I don't have much else to say right now? I don't know.

Thank you for asking, OP.


Hey Seph I have another question
Do you have a carefully collected repository of high quality images, but you can only post each once and this limits the number of posts you can make?


Things are that bad huh?


Hi Seph, I don't come too often these days but I'm a long time user and I am thankful that you've kept this up and running. I mean, I like both sites but this one is more comfy.
Hope it all goes well for you, I know you'll make it, you seem to be much more clear-headed than kalyx.
And if I get to make some money these months I'll be sure to show my support but for the time being my best wishes will have to do.
Ganbatte, Seph-chan!

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can you ever feel yourself slipping?

how often?

what triggers it?

do you welcome the decline?
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I have a tendancy to fall into weird bad habits if left along too long it seems. Often I simply shake things up, move, alter major aspects of my life. This is not always deliberate, and this does not always help. but perhaps it keeps me from going too far into depression.

In the end I just am crazy. By ignoring what I am supposed to do and just, periodically being very crazy, I keep myself from going crazy.

If you know what I mean wink wink


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it only happened once but i've felt it happening for the past few months.

idk why. i realized how easy it'd be to just stop doing everythnig

i feel a strong pull to just let it happen, but i think maybe i shouldn't.



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slipping away from reality? yes, very often
slipping from sanity? also yes, but rarely i think.
I guess when realization hits hard and after a few mental breakdowns, I then stray away from thinking of problems with my life and think positive thoughts that make me feel okay for a while.


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I'm just going to assume I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, I have, maybe three times.

Once I was looking in the mirror and I started to think less and less until there was nothing in my mind.
This continued to the point where my brain wasn't decoding any visual information at all.
Everything was just light and colour, and nothing more. I stared directly in my own eyes without comprehending what I was looking at.

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I am really stressing out over this.

There is so much I want to study, but there isn't enough time in my life for me to work on all of the projects that I want to. I want to study electrical engineering and design circuits for communications equipment, I want to study computer engineering and work on developing the next big processor architecture(s), I want to study computer science and work on the cutting edge of algorithm development, I want to study genetics and mess around with gene splicing and gene editing, I want to study physics and understand how our universe is made and operates on the atomic level, I want to study chemistry and mess around with synthesizing compounds and developing new materials.

Von Neumann was a brilliant polymath, and even he didn't get in depth into such a wide area of subjects. I can't decide which of my aspirations to cut off to allow me to feasibly follow those remaining. Man this sucks.
7 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


Huh that makes a lot of sense. Thanks


> at the age of twenty-four
I'm running out of time! Help, how do I apply myself?


I just read a story of a farmer who forgot to properly secure the door to his barn, allowing the cows to wander outside. They found their way to the food stores, and ate in one day the meal which was supposed to last the entire winter. Half of the cows died, and the other half could no longer produce milk.

We exist both as physical and rational beings. Our physical selves have appetites which must be moderated, and our rational selves are no different. I have the same problem as you OP. The sheer volume of information online, and the immensity of the universe, is exciting and overwhelming. I still don't think I've come to terms with it, but I try to savor my own insignificance/transience, and live contentedly, knowing that any day might be my last. I try to appreciate the sound of trees, the warmth of the sun, the frozen beauty of winter, and I try to live by the same philosophy in my online life, as well.

Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.


That's a nice tip.

Yeah we can never know the entirety of the universe so it's better to stick with a few things that interest you. It's good to remember that it's just data and no matter how far you explore the universe you can never run from yourself.


>I wouldn’t have learned Emacs if I didn’t need a powerful text editor.
you would've learned vim if you needed a powerful text editor;P

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Hello Alice

How does one deal with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness?

I feel as if I have no one in my life of any significant meaning. Its starting to really get to me, I deeply crave a companion to go through life with yet, any relationships I have end up in heartbreak. I figure its probably me and not them I've got a plethora of mental issues (including bipolar and being trans)

I just dont want to be alone any longer, the suicidal thoughts just keep getting worse.
2 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


Just want to warn you, don't do this more than one hour a day. It can really trash your mind if you do too much. Trashed as in schizophrenic ride to hell trashed.


Schizophrenia isn't something you can induce, it's something you are born with. Besides that word choice though you probably have a point.


You can drive yourself crazy though


Going days on end with no one to talk to is doing that anyway. At least this way I get to set the terms.


Stop trusting your judgment of what is and isn't good for you or the world. In fact, stop thinking about yourself and managing yourself at all; be lost in activities that involve people. Rational thought kills all human experience.

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i watched two episodes of lain and i couldn't go any further so i turned it off.
i went back to read and finish a manga that i like. the manga was about the robot named alpha.

overall i rate my experience a 5/10. i take 5 off because of lain but gave it 5 because of the manga.


Did you start from 5, so YKK alone would be 10/10?


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Hello Alice, A question for you

If you had to choose between love but you are poor for the rest of your life
All the money you could ever want but no love

what would you choose?
24 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


It's been eight years since we've seen each other, I'd say the moment has passed.


why so long?:

can you not video chat?
or you don't think it would be worth it?
or they don't think it'd be worth it?


I don't think I'm even allowed back into her country for one thing. I dunno, the emails started coming less and less often and finally not at all. I gave her other ways to keep in touch and she dropped the ball (or didn't want it). Neither of us wanted a long distance thing, she was just smart enough to move on. I'm terrible at that, whether it's love or friendship or even a project that's finished with. We weren't fighting either.

There was a time when something could have been done about it, or not. Either way it's gone. I still jerk off to her pics though. That's a habit I should quit, it doesn't help.


>I still jerk off to her pics though
This feel is unreal.


I can't decide if this question was intentionally simplistic and vague. If it was, it's a brilliant way of getting Alices to think about the flaws with the question itself. If it wasn't, and was intended to get us thinking about what the "correct" answer is, it doesn't belong here.

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My best and only real friend has several mental issues and has had many episodes with me in the past talking about how they want to die, they don't see a future for themselves, and living is just causing them pain. They asked me if someone is suffering just by being alive, has no goals or purpose and wishes they were never born why shouldn't they kill themselves? I didn't know what to say, all I could do was remind them that me and all the people who care about them love them and will be hurt. They just said time heals all wounds and we would eventually move on with our lives. All of this is sadly the truth but it hurts to hear someone you care about say this. They said they would end it soon, maybe sometime this month. I wish I could give them the drive to live but I can't. We've been through this so many times before I don't have anything more to say to convince them that life is worth living. Even the meds they take and therapist can't help them. I don't know what to do other than love my life but I hate it. I feel so helpless. I want to help and save them but at this point I don't know if they are just too far gone.


Maybe you can try and distract your friends from the blues of life. Go camp in the woods for a few days and LARP to Yuru Camp.


Tell her about the dangers of suicide. Too often people don't do it properly and suffer a ton of brain damage. At the worst, she could fuck her brain so much she gets shut-in syndrome. It's even worse to live through life without any control over your body.


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They need to be hospitalized, now. Involuntary commitment if necessary.

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Hello lain
I have recently been drawing more and posting it online. Within less than a week, I made about 100 followers or so but I felt nothing. I have always been told I was good at drawing and a apart of me thinks I only continued because of that. The process of drawing was once fun and something I could do all day for years but now its just me forcing myself out of a feeling of obligation to post something. I think im going to stop posting and look else where. I hope another creative outlet will bring me happiness and fulfillment like drawing once did. Have you felt the same? What are your creative outlets and hobbies? and do they bring you happiness and fulfillment? thanks for reading lain.


throughout middle and highschool whenever a project was assigned in any class I would just program an entire game, instead of doing a powerpoint etc. if it was a group project i usually had to do 100% of it. I needed to ensure that what i turned in was obviously best in class, so this basically meant "make a game".

im not tired of programming OP, but I know the feeling of apathy you describe more generally. i could never program to impress others nowadays. my projects are all academic soykaf that i actually avoid showing to people. when im working on them i can forget that anything else exists, which is all that matters.

maybe you haven't developed an unhealthy obsession which can take you beyond the need for impressing others. needing to escape your own consciousness is one way to develop an unhealthy obsession, but i think there's plenty of others.


I make art too. When I get too tired of whatever I'm doing i'll try to find a new style or technique to work with. The last things I got into are graffiti rollers (unfortunately this isn't for the basement dwellers, sorry) and most recently pixel art. There are so many fun things to do if you want to be creative. Eventually you'll come back to your old interests or you keep doing whatever new thing you've found. It doesn't matter as long as you have fun and enjoy your work.

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Hey fuckhead,
I'm really sick of you always stalking me in the club. The first two times you camped out by my soykaf I wrote it off as accident and coincidence. I sent you an apology letter. I wanted to let you know I was sorry, that I still loved you, and I genuinely cared for you. You sure as fuck didn't deserve it.

So there you are, hovering over my shoulder at the bar
>haha, very funny.
Then you take a seat behind me.
And you stay there, looking at me, for a god damn hour.
What the fuck?
And you do it again when I move tables.
All my friends said it was creepy as fuck.

Then last time, you shoot me that condescending diminutive smirk.
Then you do that creepy touching me soykaf
>oh, I'm sorry
and you stay hovering over my shoulder waiting for a reaction.
you fucking creep

You dumped me! You didn't give a soykaf about me. It's been 3 fucking years.
and you want to bully me now?
wtf do you get out of picking on me now?

Everyone says you're a sociopath. You molested my friend, covered for your rapey bandmate, you outed a sex worker, you used M** for money, she looked me dead in the eye and said "X was horribly abusive."

So, what the fuck?
I talked to the club owner. He has my back.

Whatever love I had for you is gone.
Now I'm just mourning your loss.

You made me feel like finally someone gets it. That there was someone like me in this world.
Now I'm alone again. It was all an act. There's nothing about you that's real. It's all a con.

God damn, you're fucking pathetic.


what the fuck are you on about


I imagine this is one of those random connection posts like you see on sites like craigslist. Probably they are complaining about someone they know that is part of the community and because of this slow board they figure the person will most likely see it. Fuck if I know though.


Or maybe just a ventpost. What they'd tell them if they had the courage.

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im a cryptography fan. People become dreadful beggars. They dont want have any rights, dont want to have own secrets, own life. They give everything about themselves to the internet. Its terrible. Im making projects for privacy, but who will use it except few cipherpunks? I hate world like this. I think Big Brother started watching me, but why im still free? I dont know what should i do in life, what do you think, Alice?


You make usuable crypto like Signal. Moxie, the guy behind it, is a pragmatic crypto-anarchist who realised there is no point in making systems people wont use. And you are on the wrong site, discord is the biggest chat client on this site.


Are you suggesting he should use another site so there is even more discord spam here? How does this improve the situation?

What are you working on? Millions of people look into cryptography these days, especially since snowden all kinds of encryption tools have a lot more momentum I think.


Discord spam wont ever leave, its a part of this site. Why else would Arisu be affiliated with tsukichan that is 100% discordglitterboying? The people here who arent larpers are in the minority.


I'm making my own crypto-algorithms for fun, my own dezentralized crypto-network, write articles and so on. I see three types of people: Wannabe, True and "don't cares". Films like whoami and mr. robot are motivating school-guys to try information security, but they just damage everything. Also there is another problem: Mobile-slavery. People doesn't need computers nowdays, they are completly not interested in privacy and security. Also another problem are crypto-miners that thought that they are cipherpunks. It annoys so much. Its very hard to find anybody like me and it becomes harder everyday so im forced to work alone.
War is Peace,
Freedom is Slavery,
Ignorance is Strenght


Also i dont know what should i do with big brother. If he watching me - why im free? If not - why? I made so much. He had to detect me(COPM). I cant understand. What should i do, Alice?

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