/feels/ - personal experiences

what are the happy things in life?

what good things have happened recently?

what helps alice keep going when things are hard?

share some happy thoughts. i hope /feels/ is a little less sad today.

Hey Alice, as the subject states, What do you want most in life and why?

How's Alice feel about food? Any particular likes? Dislikes?

So I was having some random ideas about situations where one person hurts another (it is an accident) and the other retaliates (accident goes out of control) so authorities step in and all sides lose. The side that lost most tangibly will harbor a deep resentment towards both the other side and the authorities, and more often than not decide that the world is a free for all death match, anyone who didn't help them until now were against them. This situation may sound extreme, but it happens all the time in some shape or form. Usually no party has the time, dedication and resources to fully understand what happened, and often (when people are scarred or die, or irreplaceable things get destroyed) there is no way to fix things. Most of justice is just concerned with determent-based prevention, and little is done to repair the past.

I grew up with good parents in a relatively peaceful country. We don't have guns and wars and other bullsoykaf, I never feared walking outside at night, I never had to be afraid of getting beaten or kidnapped. So even though there's always a chance for things to get irreversibly fucked up, for most of the time I felt safe.
What I realized about safety is that you can never create it yourself - someone or something that is neither you nor your puppet has to be looking out for you. This could be your family, the state and police, doctors, teachers, neighbors, generally benevolent people on the street and so on. Perhaps even some security system or machine, if its autonomous enough. It takes something big to secure even something small. You sleep, you may lose consciousness or get hurt, you may forget or get confused, you are not a reliable source and manager of your own safety. Still you strive for it and make choices that generally benefit it, avoiding acts that weaken it.

But then something changed. I'm not sure when, but I stopped honoring things that keep me safe. I don't make any effort to keep a social circle up, and those few close people who can provide some form of safety I treat badly, distancing them. I feel uninterested in making choices that benefit me, and I do reckless things that might affect me badly later. I think I realized how hopeless preparation for misfortune is and stopped. My health, studies, privacy, best practices slowly deteriorate over time and I let them. It makes sense to fight an enemy, but there is none here. You cannot name it or point at it, and the entire world by definition Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

https://www.technologyreview.com/s/612558/universal-income-vs-the-robots-meet-the-presidential-candidate-fighting-automation/

I feel entrepreneurs establishing policy is a step in the right direction. Granted he's an economics major it's the downstream effect Trump had on the political system that is ultimately re-framing or changing to a greater degree the American ideal of a politician. At the very least candidates that would not have been able to run before may now do so hopefully based on a platform centered more-so around reason. Otherwise there stands the possibility of four more years.

I could be wrong in thinking this would be the outcome but who cares

should you try to fix things or just leave them broken?
For years now I've been feeling the need to do both. It's tearing me in half.

Someone I know ties everything about themselves to their sexuality. They dont get that that's not what I cared about in the least. They'll deny it and call me delusional but really what is the point. That's just how I feel. There's no conversation really just assumptions made so why not make assumptions as well. Frankly it's the only reason I'm still alive. It's a strange love hate relationship where I feel the need to disprove others assumptions both out of anger yet also out of understanding. Then again that's the same as with every interaction with everything ever. That's being. Rationally there's no reason to feel one way or the other about it since it's perceptions held by different people for various motivations. The only thing to do is work one's way out of the problem and commit to the actionable while acting as ethically as possible. I have to do this even while killing myself is always on the table. Why? I dont really know. I dont know, I'm super dumb lol I dont know dude like come on I'm a killjoy

can love bloom on the battlefield

ihooh

Hello, Alice.
I always had this feeling, this sensation that i'm close to death.
This feeling is stronger than never these days, i really feel that, anytime, anywhere, i'll be dead.
And i feel that i'm going to be the cause of death. It feels like that i'm close to kill myself, that i should do it, that the reason of being alive is to die quick as possible.
Sometimes i feel like i really should kill myself, not because of depressive thoughts and feelings (it does happens, sometimes), but because it feels like that i should, and i sense that i'm really close of doing it.
I don't know what to think about this.
I have other weird thoughts and feelings.
OH, i've got another one.
It happened only three times.
Last year i was in my couch, laying down, staring at the ceiling, when all of sudden, i started to hear a song. I wasn't recalling a song that i've heard before, it was my creation, and i really heard it. The song was a cavaquinho playing a bossa nova rythm, it lasted for like 15 seconds, then stopped.
It happened again last month. I was in my bedroom, again, staring at the ceiling, when i started to hear a prog song. It had a keyboard, a guitar, a bass, drums, back vocalls, violin. The song was beautiful. The song lasted for a much longer time, and by the pass of the song, i started to see something like a memorie from the future, there was me, going to music school, people talking to me, and other stuff that i don't remember, but, in the end of the song, i saw myself, in the same room that i was, in the same position that i was, in the same bed, but older (it was a first person view, by the way), i had white fur in my chest and belly. The music and the visions stopped in that point, when the main vocal said ''It happens all the time''. The music was blue, the visions was blue, every feeling i felt in that moment, were blue. I even looked at my notebook and around my room when i started hearing it, but the music stopped when i did that, but when i went back to my bed, it started again.
When the music stopped, i got out of my bed and started to think about what happened.
I went back to bed, then it happened again. It was an afro-cuban jazz (i don't know, really, but it sounded like it), with a acoustic guitar playing, alongside with percussion instruments and a voice singing acapella. The guitar was pretty simples, i still remember it chords and tempo and stuff, but the percussion and the acapella were crazy,Post too long. Click here to view the full text.