/feels/ - personal experiences

i started writing my diary one week ago. i've got black amazement today when i wanted to write a few lines in a diary, and discovered that there are description of this day. I remember that i writed it yesterday(7). Its not mistake. The time on my computer is correct, all the people that i asked says that today is 8. I always write time in my diary. there are sequency of days, no one is encluded. What the fuck? have i lived one day twice and not observed it? Than why my diary contains these lines? What should i do, alice?

Where's the sweat?Feeling hot?Where's the tan? The soap's are causing a throbbing burning feeling in the face.39 million people are dying.39 million deaths.39 million murders.

I have chronic pain. Doctors don't know what causes it, other than maybe a motorcycle accident years ago. I find it funny that it's like a manifestation of painful memories, but either way the only way I know how to cope is to constantly move and to always be active.

I get nervous when I'm not doing something.

Welcome, User

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You have one [New] message.


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Are you here to join the rest?
…its lonely without you.
…Haha, remember? It was you all along.


…Lain….. Wake up.

Here I am again. Staring at my ceiling in the cold night. Drowning my sorrows in escapism to make it easier to cope with the emptiness. Nights like this are the hardest. When the day was consumed with being around people I hate, working on things that dont matter, only to come home to my only safe haven and feel the loneliness eat away at me. Thoughts run through my head. Either thoughts of my present reality soykaf hole that weigh down on me or thoughts like how I love being alone and prefer it but I want to be held. I want to open up again but I hate getting hurt every time. Thinking about how I got here and why. Throwing everything I am and feel into question in what feels like a thick grey fog in my mind. What would I even call the root cause of this? I think one of the "triggers" for it would be having to see my ex move on after all the bullsoykaf she did to me, who I physically cant avoid due to school/work, and hearing her go on about this douche and see them together as they are dating now. Of course, this didn't start the feelings I have now. I have felt these ever since late elementary when life went downhill in terms of social life. This event just reminded me of it. Not a broken heart because I dont want her back because of how soykafty of a person she was and how bad she was for me, though ironically it would be easier if I did, at least then I would have a clear desire and want that is easily understood. This is just an emptiness that I have know all too well and I felt even when we were together, but it was easy to forget how I felt because I thought I had someone else to live for. A loneliness that only grows when I am around others and a wound that hurts even more when around certain individuals in particular. I believe its understanding I desire to an extent but as for the rest I am unsure. I just feel numb again. You know the feeling of a limb that has fallen asleep? I have that but for the entirety of my body and mind when I leave my room. A groggy, apathetic feeling washes over me when ever Im around my peers and coworkers. They all seem so happy, and I hear them talk about their social lives and all the sex,drugs,friends,drama ect in their lives without giving a damn how they are failing their classes, are horrible at their job and are on a fast track to becoming mediocre trash, but I digress. I both envy how they can enjoy this time in their lives but also pity how they buy into their own stupid bullsoykaf. I cant relate or connect tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I feel like the last light in my heart has finally died out.
I know that she'll never have the same feelings for me that i have for her,
but just talking to her and seeing her was enough to keep me going.
The last person that made me feel like life was worth living

Shes moving to another state and now i have nothing to live for.
I should have moved on a year ago but jesus fucking christ no one else has ever
made me feel the way i feel when i'm around her

I've always felt so fucking alone in life, i have friends, and i have family, yet i've
always felt so fucking lonely, my thresholds been reached and i can't handle it anymore.
Everything has lost all meaning to me and i just want to disappear




i feel disgusting writing this

im feeling unreal. I have a lot of skills, friends, hardware. But i have a feeling that its not mine and its only a dream. I know pre-stories of my actions but im strongly feeling unreal.
A lot of people confuse me with somebody else. I dont know them.
A lot of strange things are occuring with me.
What should i do, Alice?

The day I have to grow up
Since April of 2014. I've been restless… because I broke up with my (ex)girlfriend, it was a unhappy relationship and toxic. I gone back to skateboarding the same year, I was having fun and made a lot of friends… But it isn't always rainbows and sunshine like they said. I was stabbed in the back by the people I trusted and accused me of things I've never done. They did what they could to bury me. Even for all the kindness, I've done for them. I don't expect them to give back. So, only one of my friend stood by my side, which he also skates. I just took his advice to silently disappear from where I skate(My hometown) I skated with my only friend. So, the people from my home town still isn't satisfied by the things they've done. They just spread the rumor about me talking soykaf about the locals in where I skate before.
I did what I can to not get in trouble for things I haven't done. I explain the things to the locals.. Which took a week to settle. Now, I skate with a butch of half ass individuals which were my classmates back at GRD8. I have no reason to trust em either. But doesn't give me a reason to be a dick to them. I usually skate everyday with the guy who stood by my side. Now, its just a 1 or 2 days a week. Which is boring.

I just lost the will to skate cause of the people and weather(RAIN).

For ya'll who planned to visit the Philippines.
Please don't, this place made Detroit a safer place than here. Also if you sometimes hear Filipinos are the kindest people, that's bullsoykaf. They're only kind to Foreigners

I just can't sleep without letting this all out. I'm 20 years old and have been treated like trash since school (and I still am). People don't seem to care about what I like to talk about (mostly computers, operating systems and C/Java), when I actually try to engage in a conversation that is related to something they enjoy they simply ignore me and keep talking to a friend/someone who's near that isn't me. I never mistreated anyone (when I believe I did I find courage to talk to that person and sort things out but it doesn't always work out…) I'm not a right-wing conservative nor a left extremist. It might seem like I desire too much attention but how? when I barely get any from people who are supposed to be my "friends".
I've been beaten and pushed downstairs and similar things still happen although now that people around me are older the way of mistreatment by being silent is way worse in my opinion.
I just don't feel like talking this to my mother nor my father because I don't want to worry them (my father has been diagnosed recently with bad kidneys and diabetes).
Every time I wake up I don't feel like doing anything. I'm slowly losing interest in programming and everything all together. Most video games have failed to entertain me since 2015-16ish.
Recently I lost 2 friends to pot and I'm still crying about it since one of them is my oldest friend from childhood.
I could NEVER attempt suicide successfully because I care about my family enough not to do it.
When things started looking to seem better last year when I found out someone who seemed to care a bit about me it just turned out to be someone who just wanted to play a bit and didn't want anything serious.
Throughout the years I could never find someone who seemed to really care about me, there was times when I almost cried in class because someone died or because someone treated me like trash but nobody really seemed to care. And this is what I believe "love" should be like in the first place - have someone who actually cares about how you feel and wants to make you live a happier life. I was never able to experience such thing, the only feeling I ever got was of shivers down my spine when I found someone really cute but I never really had the courage to commit.
This is why I hate boys and girls equally, I just despise people around me overall. And I really wish I could just end it all by drinking something and quickly fainting never to wake up again.

This is a thread for confessions.Tell us some of the worst things you've done, said, thought.Share your most inner feelings with all of us.Complain and tell us why life sucks. :)