arisuchan    [ tech / cult / art ]   [ λ / Δ ]   [ psy ]   [ ru ]   [ random ]   [ meta ]   [ all ]    info / stickers     temporarily disabledtemporarily disabled

/feels/ - personal experiences

share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

formatting options

Password (For file deletion.)

Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

File: 1531055465448.png (734.01 KB, 1280x720, 1493561897554.png)


i started writing my diary one week ago. i've got black amazement today when i wanted to write a few lines in a diary, and discovered that there are description of this day. I remember that i writed it yesterday(7). Its not mistake. The time on my computer is correct, all the people that i asked says that today is 8. I always write time in my diary. there are sequency of days, no one is encluded. What the fuck? have i lived one day twice and not observed it? Than why my diary contains these lines? What should i do, alice?
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.


Check the CO2 levels, there was a guy convinced that his landlord was breaking into his apartment and putting up strange notes, but it was actually the guy himself becoming delirious from the CO2 levels and writing notes to remember stuff.


how accurate is it to the current day u describe?

Im very curious


> Its not mistake.
What you wanted to say is "I am very sure it's not a mistake", and that is where you are wrong.


Bruh youve got bigger problems if the laws of reality arent constant


Just so nobody is confused, it was carbon monoxide (CO), not CO2.

File: 1530806854963.jpg (1.73 KB, 107x71, 152648036488s.jpg)


Where's the sweat?Feeling hot?Where's the tan? The soap's are causing a throbbing burning feeling in the face.39 million people are dying.39 million deaths.39 million murders.


I love Irish Spring


File: 1530885441307.jpg (48.83 KB, 298x932, hi.jpg)

File: 1525419642023.jpg (111.42 KB, 500x649, chronicpain.jpg)


I have chronic pain. Doctors don't know what causes it, other than maybe a motorcycle accident years ago. I find it funny that it's like a manifestation of painful memories, but either way the only way I know how to cope is to constantly move and to always be active.

I get nervous when I'm not doing something.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.



Random is almost certainly guilty of being what they accuse others of being

Such is their way


Don't be silly, we don't know where OP comes from.

And even if OP comes from the US, there are many people there who cannot pay their hospital bills without the assistance of government or monthly payment.

Plus many motorcycles run for burner prices if you're willing to learn how to maintain a bike.


He could've been hit by a motorcycle


I have a similar problem in that for around a year and a half or so I’ve been experiencing mysterious chest pain. I’ve been to doctors but the best diagnosis they can come up with is some type of anxiety as I appear to be in otherwise good health. I’m starting to feel that it’s something I’ll have to carry with me for my whole life, however long or short it may be.


File: 1530881847471.png (1005.94 KB, 1280x1175, (i'm going to let this thr….png)

I stay as active as I can and get as much (healthy) exercise as possible. I have bad joints, so high-impact exercise is off the table, but high-intensity swimming can do wonders for your body. I know what it's like to have everything hurt just because your body is damaged. I know what it's like to feel betrayed by your own physicality. The only thing that has helped me with this is to work on my body - to be the best human specimen I can be. When your body takes control from you, you need to take as much of it back as possible.

There will always be that lingering pain, and you shouldn't overexert yourself, but ceding your physical autonomy to that pain is a worse fate.

File: 1530256855359.png (90.48 KB, 242x228, LOGO.png)


Welcome, User

…. .. … …

You have one [New] message.

… …. ….

Are you here to join the rest?
…its lonely without you.
…Haha, remember? It was you all along.

…Lain….. Wake up.


This is not deep.
We also have a board for it.

File: 1519879945052.gif (775.32 KB, 400x268, tenor.gif)


Here I am again. Staring at my ceiling in the cold night. Drowning my sorrows in escapism to make it easier to cope with the emptiness. Nights like this are the hardest. When the day was consumed with being around people I hate, working on things that dont matter, only to come home to my only safe haven and feel the loneliness eat away at me. Thoughts run through my head. Either thoughts of my present reality soykaf hole that weigh down on me or thoughts like how I love being alone and prefer it but I want to be held. I want to open up again but I hate getting hurt every time. Thinking about how I got here and why. Throwing everything I am and feel into question in what feels like a thick grey fog in my mind. What would I even call the root cause of this? I think one of the "triggers" for it would be having to see my ex move on after all the bullsoykaf she did to me, who I physically cant avoid due to school/work, and hearing her go on about this douche and see them together as they are dating now. Of course, this didn't start the feelings I have now. I have felt these ever since late elementary when life went downhill in terms of social life. This event just reminded me of it. Not a broken heart because I dont want her back because of how soykafty of a person she was and how bad she was for me, though ironically it would be easier if I did, at least then I would have a clear desire and want that is easily understood. This is just an emptiness that I have know all too well and I felt even when we were together, but it was easy to forget how I felt because I thought I had someone else to live for. A loneliness that only grows when I am around others and a wound that hurts even more when around certain individuals in particular. I believe its understanding I desire to an extent but as for the rest I am unsure. I just feel numb again. You know the feeling of a limb that has fallen asleep? I have that but for the entirety of my body and mind when I leave my room. A groggy, apathetic feeling washes over me when ever Im around my peers and coworkers. They all seem so happy, and I hear them talk about their social lives and all the sex,drugs,friends,drama ect in their lives without giving a damn how they are failing their classes, are horrible at their job and are on a fast track to becoming mediocre trash, but I digress. I both envy how they can enjoy this time in their lives but also pity how they buy into their own stupid bullsoykaf. I cant relate or connect tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
9 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


Do you honestly think there is a single person reading this who didn't think of that already?

Contrariwise, having the same taste in music or liking footbal or knowing how to code or whatever your flavour is, are not always what relationships get built on. Having different interests gives you things to talk about and therefore new things that might become common interests over time or merely fuel for conversation.

The way someone treats others, their fundamental views on life, are more important than common "interests".


Come on Tachikoma, don't be so hard on Saito. He lost one of his eyes, and is now just trying to be nice and kind and constructive so people will like him (that's how it goes in anime) so eventually he might get a friend.


But Alice, I wasn't trying to be mean :(


Also If anybody wants to contact me, go ahead and send me an email on

I know Discord isn't well received on arisuchan but i'll be happy to talk on there too, just send me your tag in the email


This reminded me of the following:

"Sometimes when I get up and emerge from the mists of slumber, my whole room hurts, my whole bedroom. The view from the window hurts. Kids go to school. People go shopping. Everybody knows where to go. Only I don’t know where I want to go. I get dressed, blearily, stumbling, hopping about to pull on my trousers. I go and shave with my electric razor. For years now, whenever I shave, I’ve avoided looking at myself in the mirror. I shave in the dark or around the corner. I don’t like looking at myself anymore. I’m scared by my own face in the bathroom. I’m hurt even by my own appearance- I see yesterday’s drunkenness in my eyes. I sit at the table, sometimes my hands give way under me and several times I repeat to myself, “I’ve victoried myself away, I’ve reached the peak of emptiness, I’ve reached the peak of emptiness and everything hurts.”
Even the walk to the bus stop hurts, and the whole bus hurts as well. I lower my guilty looking eyes. I’m afraid of looking people in the eye. Sometimes I cross my palms and extend my wrists, because I feel guilty even about this once too loud a solitude which isn’t loud any longer, because I’m hurt not only by the escalator which takes me down to the infernal regions below, I’m hurt even by the looks of the people traveling up, each of them has somewhere to go, while I’ve reached the peak of emptiness and don’t know where I want to go
I’m hurt now. I’m hurt by this whole town in which I live. I’m hurt by this whole world- because towards morning, certain beings come to me. Beings not unfamiliar to me. They come slowly, but surely, up the escalator of my soul and not only the faces come into focus, but also certain horrible events. Just like a portrait. Or a film. A documentary not only about how I was ever madly in love, but also how I failed people. Everything I ever said, everything I ever did. Everything is always against me. The whole world hurts, and even the guardian angel of mine hurts. How many times I felt like jumping from the fifth floor, from my apartment where every room hurts, but always at the last moment, my guardian angel saves me. He pulls me back. I victoried myself away. I’ve reached the peak of emptiness"

File: 1530115338695.jpg (455.74 KB, 900x654, Yume.Nikki.full.1773086.jpg)


I feel like the last light in my heart has finally died out.
I know that she'll never have the same feelings for me that i have for her,
but just talking to her and seeing her was enough to keep me going.
The last person that made me feel like life was worth living

Shes moving to another state and now i have nothing to live for.
I should have moved on a year ago but jesus fucking christ no one else has ever
made me feel the way i feel when i'm around her

I've always felt so fucking alone in life, i have friends, and i have family, yet i've
always felt so fucking lonely, my thresholds been reached and i can't handle it anymore.
Everything has lost all meaning to me and i just want to disappear

i feel disgusting writing this


File: 1530139123544.jpg (1.53 MB, 4480x6720, roberto-nickson-g-715411-u….jpg)

in due time you'll find someone that makes you forget how you felt about this person because the new person will make you feel all sorts of new ways for someone. Soon you'll find someone that feels this for you. Your future self is thanking your current self for continuing.


This is really sad, I hope things get better for you, I think you are pretty upset right now so don't overreact because you might end up regretting it later.
Just because your friend is moving away doesn't mean she is gone forever, remember. If you are close enough, you can send eachother messages every day. Also, you could try meeting up, maybe organize a holiday together or something. i very much doubt you two will never see eachother again.
>I should have moved on a year ago
I know this is going to hurt but by the sounds of things, her moving away might be the chance you need to branch out, find new people and stop living in someone elses shadow, make your own light.

File: 1529497997294.jpg (608.85 KB, 1920x1080, wallpaper.jpg)


im feeling unreal. I have a lot of skills, friends, hardware. But i have a feeling that its not mine and its only a dream. I know pre-stories of my actions but im strongly feeling unreal.
A lot of people confuse me with somebody else. I dont know them.
A lot of strange things are occuring with me.
What should i do, Alice?
2 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


Whats wrong with physics? I would've thought that studying meatspace would help you feel more connected with it.


Physics isn't really studying meatspace. It's more about studying theories of other people who studied meatspace all their lives. So you can reach a point where you understand their theories well enough that while studying meatspace yourself, you'll be extending their theories or at least not reinventing them.
Also, studying physics is full of: things aren't what they seem, for they are in fact just extremely small/abstract invisible stuff that you can never experience or understand through your senses.
If you think about it, the only differences between studying the bible and studying physics are:
-physics doesn't seem to care about things you can't measure
- physics is more shy than the bible when it comes to prediction, but those things it dares to predict it predicts precisely


You forgot that physicists, or at least the ones with enough funding, are running experiments and are actually measuring things. It's not just mathematics, in the end it really must come back to meatspace otherwise it's not physics.


Nah, I didn't forget that, it's just that people with dp/dr don't get to be those physicists, as they are busy freaking the fuck out.



Not a physicist but freaking out didn't stop John Nash… just meant he had to take "vacations". I'm not referring to that sh¡tty movie they made about him either.

File: 1528977818447.png (1.24 MB, 704x960, Homies.png)


The day I have to grow up
Since April of 2014. I've been restless… because I broke up with my (ex)girlfriend, it was a unhappy relationship and toxic. I gone back to skateboarding the same year, I was having fun and made a lot of friends… But it isn't always rainbows and sunshine like they said. I was stabbed in the back by the people I trusted and accused me of things I've never done. They did what they could to bury me. Even for all the kindness, I've done for them. I don't expect them to give back. So, only one of my friend stood by my side, which he also skates. I just took his advice to silently disappear from where I skate(My hometown) I skated with my only friend. So, the people from my home town still isn't satisfied by the things they've done. They just spread the rumor about me talking soykaf about the locals in where I skate before.
I did what I can to not get in trouble for things I haven't done. I explain the things to the locals.. Which took a week to settle. Now, I skate with a butch of half ass individuals which were my classmates back at GRD8. I have no reason to trust em either. But doesn't give me a reason to be a dick to them. I usually skate everyday with the guy who stood by my side. Now, its just a 1 or 2 days a week. Which is boring.

I just lost the will to skate cause of the people and weather(RAIN).

For ya'll who planned to visit the Philippines.
Please don't, this place made Detroit a safer place than here. Also if you sometimes hear Filipinos are the kindest people, that's bullsoykaf. They're only kind to Foreigners


Alice, I know it sounds harsh but that's how life is supposed to be. People will always stab you in the back and you should be happy that you have a few (well at least one) person who have your back. A similar thing happend to me after I quit school and maybe millions of other folks. Suck it up


jesus how i can relate to this. Not about the backstabbing part, I don't think I've ever been backstabbed like you did. But I'm a skater too, started skating way more and way better since i broke up with my ex girlfriend. Often I skate alone. It's great to have the locals around, but I never know where they're skating, so I'll make up my own mind.
>the people are only nice to tourists
The same exact type of soykaf happens here.
I hope you keep skating, man. I hope you find something in it that clears the boredom of doing alone or with one person

File: 1519800172205.jpg (36.4 KB, 225x350, 93219.jpg)


I just can't sleep without letting this all out. I'm 20 years old and have been treated like trash since school (and I still am). People don't seem to care about what I like to talk about (mostly computers, operating systems and C/Java), when I actually try to engage in a conversation that is related to something they enjoy they simply ignore me and keep talking to a friend/someone who's near that isn't me. I never mistreated anyone (when I believe I did I find courage to talk to that person and sort things out but it doesn't always work out…) I'm not a right-wing conservative nor a left extremist. It might seem like I desire too much attention but how? when I barely get any from people who are supposed to be my "friends".
I've been beaten and pushed downstairs and similar things still happen although now that people around me are older the way of mistreatment by being silent is way worse in my opinion.
I just don't feel like talking this to my mother nor my father because I don't want to worry them (my father has been diagnosed recently with bad kidneys and diabetes).
Every time I wake up I don't feel like doing anything. I'm slowly losing interest in programming and everything all together. Most video games have failed to entertain me since 2015-16ish.
Recently I lost 2 friends to pot and I'm still crying about it since one of them is my oldest friend from childhood.
I could NEVER attempt suicide successfully because I care about my family enough not to do it.
When things started looking to seem better last year when I found out someone who seemed to care a bit about me it just turned out to be someone who just wanted to play a bit and didn't want anything serious.
Throughout the years I could never find someone who seemed to really care about me, there was times when I almost cried in class because someone died or because someone treated me like trash but nobody really seemed to care. And this is what I believe "love" should be like in the first place - have someone who actually cares about how you feel and wants to make you live a happier life. I was never able to experience such thing, the only feeling I ever got was of shivers down my spine when I found someone really cute but I never really had the courage to commit.
This is why I hate boys and girls equally, I just despise people around me overall. And I really wish I could just end it all by drinking something and quickly fainting never to wake up again.
37 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


File: 1528248220825.jpg (286.32 KB, 952x1097, Li.Syaoran.(TRC).full.5937….jpg)

Hey, I dont think it matters what the OP has done, the kind of person they are or anything like that. You should'nt try to encourage their suicide. I'm not trying to cause I fight, personaly I think the OP is part to blame for thier problems and they don't deserve sympathy/attention. If they just want some friends to talk about their interests with, they should just ask… loads of people here want friends and its really sad we are all so lonely. The OP's current problems however are their own and none of us can help with that, so dont give "advice".


> can't limit the freedom of other people
> can't kill other people
> can't neurosuggest people into limiting their own freedom
> can't neurosuggest people into killing themselves
> you should solve your own problems (that other people cause) yourself, grow up, leave other people be
is society really this retarded


You're just an asshole. You're trying to justify your desire to see someone suffer because you're indifferent to that person's feelings so you just use "society is to blame" as a dumb argument to back up your stupid intentions.


You can't babysit every EVERY manchild outta here. And even if you could, this wouldn't fix the roots of the problem. They need to grow up. It's not like "aww, a tender little johnnie clashes with the brutal world, we need to protect him", it's about "a child clashes with the brutal world, puts his soykaf together and becomes an adult".
>You're trying to justify your desire to see someone suffer
Life does not forgive weakness.



I'll chime in and agree with you, I've seen tough love work very well more often than not. If they really need help they should suck it up and go to a professional therapist and not sap everyone here's time and energy. Allowing these people to sap your energy is not a solution to their problems, all it does is allow them to whine with an audience, which I've never seen to be helpful.

File: 1526069491317.jpg (164.19 KB, 960x746, good.jpg)


This is a thread for confessions.Tell us some of the worst things you've done, said, thought.Share your most inner feelings with all of us.Complain and tell us why life sucks. :)
21 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


idk about cultivating aggression, but figuring out why you're becoming progressively more degenerate is a start.

kind of wanted to confess actual crimes, but you guys made it into a shoe sniffing confessions general
so I'll pass


> degenerate

Where did you wander in from?


> kind of wanted to confess actual crimes

Go away FBI


File: 1528629646218.gif (1.55 MB, 474x618, chaika triste.gif)

I only managed to install something with the Make Install method twice, every other time (more than 15 times) it never worked and i have no idea why.
There are many programs i'll, probably, never use because of this. Right now i can't fucking install Lighthouse for my life, those in the list have one more friend to mock my skillessness.


You'll get it one day. I believe in you.

Delete Post [ ]
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23]
[ Catalog ]