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Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

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Can I vent? I need to get angry.

All my life people next to me either treat me like absolute soykaf, or they are so incompetent that they cause me harm out of their impressive stupidity, weakness and carefree character. Ever since I start on a project with anyone they all wait till the last moment like absolute morons to start working. 0 research, 0 trying, 0 abilities. 1 Year ago we were trying to build a web-based app for a project in college and out of 5 people only me and one more guy did all the workload. 2 people were given back-end development and they had the skill of a fish trying to climb a tree. Fucking morons couldn't devote 1 hour of their day to learn PHP to save their soul and in the end our website barely functioned. They wouldn't give a soykaf about communicating and always worked on old versions/ completely different functionalities, thus the webapp looks like a pretty turd with no functionality. We trusted them and they let us down. Best part is that they are ALWAYS complaining about the workload. Out of 5 people 3 didn't do anything and all three came to me trying to convince me that they worked hard. YOU DID NOTHING FUCK OFF.

But the worst thing is. They fuck up and they don't care. 0 shame.

Once again, we had to do a project few days ago, and I told them I would provide them with model answers in order to give them a heads up and help them a bit, I told them to change every exercise their way. BUT NO. These mongoloids copied every since thing and changed nothing. 0 effort. They couldn't take a day out of their mundane lives to change 100 words. And now everyone has to suffer the consequences of their laziness. Every paper given counts for 0 due to plagiarism and I gave time and effort to solve the whole paper twice (one for the model answers, and one for my personal answer paper).

I keep getting dragged down with these people that have never tried for once in their life, people are just fucking garbage and I am tired of helping idiots that only want to live for nothing. What the fuck is wrong with everyone, they don't even feel shame that they are making the lives of others harder. Why do they even think that they are trying with 1/5th of the effort others are making, they are garbage and this has been happening all my life.

I must stay alone, but everyone reaches out for me, everyone that doesn't matter. How can I become an asshole and tell everyone to fuck off?


Group work is soykaf. Give the other guys easy stuff, and set a due date for them to give it to you which is before the actual due date. Then if they fuck things up you have time to fix it. Meetings are soykaf but having at least a few meetings will allow you to figure out who is actually doing the work, so you can be prepared ahead of time for the people who fuck things up.


I'll be honest, I read the first few sentences, but angry men are hot



That's the problem, last project wasn't like a group project but these morons copy pasted the model solution I made for them, without changing absolutely anything. At least in the work project you get a grade, you can rate your coworkers and you don't fail with 0 because some fucking asshole cant use more than 5% of his brain.


We can arrange something.

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I started to hate most people. I want to become hikikimori and just sit at home with my computer.
Most of people are dumb and i have an ability to persuade them to do anything i want, thats not interesting at all. What do you think, lain? what should i do?


Dont take the easy way out anon. There is poetic justice in hardship and difficulty.


Gee , I remember when I was 15 !


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Don't we all? You'll begin to regret it once you lose the ability to take care of yourself.
If you're studying you could just save up money to buy some old house in bulgaria. Escape debt, put some soykafty solar panels on the roof and live there, even then you'd have no source of income for food.
Just keep doing what you're doing. You're only going to make it harder for yourself if you start taking risks and straying off the path society has laid out for you, unless you have solid independent income.


If you just want to be a hikki instead, you're probably delusional. While I am obviously not there and can't tell, I'd bet that people aren't really persuaded, it's just that you talk so much they say whatever you want to hear to make you stop, and you simply fail to pick up the social cues.

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hi Arisu, I think I have emotional numbness/detachment.

I still enter 'a state of' anger, fear and satisfaction, that is to say, I notice when blood rushes to my arms and legs or that I'm more/less alert than usual.
But I no longer feel anything 'inside' me. I miss that sensation inside my stomach that used to come up when I watched something sad, or the warm feeling I had when I cosied up under warm blankets at night.

The closest thing to an emotion I can feel are chills on my skin when I listen to music, but only rarely, and it still feels like something 'external' rather than 'internal'.
This whole ordeal is also causing me to have trouble empathizing with other people.

What can I do to remediate this? Should I watch more anime? Watch less? I only play vidya casually, should I stop altogether or should I start playing more? I have read Metta meditation being suggested as a treatment, but is it a good idea? I mean, wouldn't it just make me more detached than I already am? Is there anything else I can do? I don't want to talk with a therapist, if possible.
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You might be a schizoid like me, but idk. I have similar problems where I can seem unaffected by situations that are normally traumatic and I struggle to empathize with other people unless I'm personally feeling what they're feeling.
There's no remedy that I know of besides socializing as much as you can.


I've had anhedonia on and off through a large part of my adult life, I've just broke through the surface again with some new thoughts. It might apply to you but it might not.

I think part of anhedonia stems from depression, and I think depression comes from a lack of interaction with the world. The reason we interact less is because we had some experiences or a belief that we can't make change around us.

This isn't a perfect recollection, but there was an experiment with babies about interaction. They had the babies do something like wave their hand and when they did a puppet would move, something like that. The point is, the baby would laugh hysterically when they found out they had control, they loved it. But, as soon as they stopped moving the puppet when the baby waved its hand, the baby would get more and more sad until it was almost catatonic. There's some other studies like this, look up internal locus of control if you're interested.

There seems to be a connection between how much we can affect the world and our happiness, and anhedonia I think is connected to this. I broke free from it recently by trying to prove everyday my own ability to affect the world. I saw the world as elements to interact with, almost like being in a video game. If you're playing a video game like you would watch a movie, you're probably not going to have as much fun. But if you're experimenting, exploring, interacting with the pieces you're probably going to have a ton of fun.

So in practical terms, what does this mean? It means something different than the typical depression advice of go on a run, take care of yourself, etc. These help, but can take you out of the locus of control if you put your faith in them (believing they are helping your life, not you). Pick up something, or go do something, even anything in your immediate area. Do something new with it, even something weird or destructive. The point is to remind you that you have the power to interact. Build on this in your daily life, daily conversations and interaction with the environment, do things that have results that surprise and entertain you.

Do not retreat back into noninteraction, the zombiemode of daily life. Have you ever gone on a drive and forget how you got to your destination? This is what I'm talking about. That's playing a video game like you'd watch a movie.


I have a folic acid deficiency, which makes me more prone to depression and schizophrenia. Knowing that has helped to a degree, and I've felt better after finding the right medication (not all medications work, so don't discount it after having one type fail. I needed a genetic test before I found out).

I'd contact a psychiatrist and see if there might be a medicinal solution, especially if you've had family history of those same things.


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That's profound. I'm going to try this approach and see what happens. All the theory at least makes absolute sense.


Thank you, I sincerely hope it helps you and others.

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Is there anyone here who is good at talking to people? I can generally make strangers/waitresses/etc. laugh and have a decent conversation, but it's different with people I see consistently. I just don't know what to say to them. I can't really talk to most people about /pol/ soykaf, not that they would care about it anyway. And I pretty much don't watch TV. Is that really all regular people talk about though? The TV?

I want to have deeper conversations with people, but I find them pretty hard to open a lot of the time. The only consistent way I've found to get people to have an in-depth conversation with me is if I tell them I don't know how to talk to people. Generally we can have some meta talk about what people regularly talk about and different types of personalities and stuff, but I think it leaves a damper on the relationship now that they know I am socially inept.

Maybe I'm just blogging. I don't know. What do lainons talk about in meatspace?


Same here. I wouldnt say that i m good at talking with strangers but i find it ridiculously unnecesseary to talk about /pol/, /soccer/, or anything that doesnt involves deep stuff. So i speak less and have very few friends but i m okay with this since i wouldnt enjoy having friends to talk useless things


Whenever I speak my mind to some topic I relate to, the conversation turns sour or the other party doesn't know how to continue and changes topic. Since I don't watch TV or go outside much, I have nothing to contribute, so I keep my mouth shut. I rarely start conversations. Somehow depression kicks in, whenever I try. Thoughts like "nobody is interested in your bullsoykaf opinion" or "if you don't speak, nobody gets annoyed of you speaking" fill my head.

I have a friend I can talk to easily. We have fluent discussions about all sorts of stuff. When we do so, I often feel like, we had to speed up, because so many words need to be exchanged, it's like a game. As a result we both actually talk very fast.
Sometimes I admit not being well enough informed to provide a justified standpoint on the matter. In that case my friend starts to explain and we are good again. It's like other people are simply not interested in their own talk.

At my last workplace I heard gossip about me, acting like a robot. No wonder I got fired few weeks later.

So no, I am really bad at talking and it cripples me.


I'm not. I feel uneasy when someone is near, and don't know how to speak "normally" to other people. And in general I love to be alone. And my voice is weird, I either borderline scream or mumble to myself. I both can't and don't want to socialize. Hilariously enough I work at a coffee shop and have to talk to a soykafton of people every day, and the owner wants me to chat with everyone. Small talk. I doubt there's something I detest more than small talk.
I am slowly losing my mind.


I make a somewhat convincing impression of a rela human being.


I moved schools half way through high school, and between moving I had an idea. Beforehand I had always been very quiet and lonely at school and it sucked, but I came up with a theory that there is effectively no difference between pretend confidence and real confidence. So when I started at my new school, since there was no stakes, I just pretended that I was the coolest person on the planet. All my nerdy hobbies I talked about openly like they were the dopest soykaf. Since there was no stakes I figured it would be worth a shot, I only had one more year of school left. Low and behold, it worked better than I could ever have imagined and people just assumed I was a chad. Since then I just know that this works and use it when I need it. Often it's actually inconvenient like at work it's often easier to just keep silent. But on the rare occasion I am invited to a social event I can just play the chad character and be popular.

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FUCK. MY COOL story ends here
I waiting for my phone and my "friends" sorry

about all
I will try to kill them
They should be killed at DOuglas(afa gay)


КОРПУС там. С вас как всегда (мне похуй)


SOCk сачеры блять. Идите сюда. Я вам ебло-то и ИРЛ набить могу. Моя-то жизнь в отличие от вашей почти ничего и не стоит

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Everyone always asks what (and never) how I'm doing. I'm always the one to initiate contact and never the first one invited to things. It appears I'm alright company when I'm the one bringing the alcohol or the one giving PC building tips or the one lending or recommending some good books or the one awake in the car to help the driver navigate. But no one wants to hold a decent, serious conversation tete-a-tete with me. I'm seen as a jester by most.

No one cares to know how many days I've spent locked in my apartment. When I once said I eat once per day most of the time, I am told I should "take better care of myself". No one asks why I don't feel like eating, or why I don't feel like waking up. I could be dead inside my apartment and no one would know for a week.

And now that it is summertime, my loneliness is more acute than ever. I hate this season, I hate everything about it. My friends are all absent from my life; they are either with their SOs, with their families or with other friend groups. Even my best friend has found a girlfriend recently, and we often talk about her new relationship. And by "we talk", I mean she does most of the talking and I nod my head in approval, using keywords to drive the conversation away or pretend I care. In truth I'm hurt by this; it only makes it more obvious how alone I am. My days are filled to the brim with bland activities. Every day for her is exciting and emotional, while mine are completely void of feelings and experiences.

I'm getting increasingly sicker every day, Alice. I'm sick of this vicious circle of sleeping till late, waking up feeling listless, then bored and then sad. I'm sick of dreams where I'm surrounded by people. I'm sick of pretending that everything is fine to all these people who pretend to care; I don't want to wear a smile and laugh awkwardly ever again. And I'm sick of excuses like "we are all alone at the end of the day". No, not everyone is alone. That is a lie to make people feel better. Why can't I be treated like a person with emotions? Does it not go without saying that people feel things? That people can be hurt by stances or words? That people can feel concerned about others? If so, why can't I get equal treatment? Do you feel the same, Alice?
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I feel that that sort of behavior you are expecting from others is something that people generally aren't good with responding to. Outside of simple disinterest, maybe they just do not know how to follow up on or initiate such serious, meaningful conversations. Humans are clueless.

Maybe you should be more direct in what you want to discuss? "Hey, do you mind if we talk about…", "I feel troubled by something, mind if you could give me advice/your thoughts?"

As much as I'd like for others to be more sensitive to their friends feelings and just "know" when something is wrong, most of the time things just go over their head. I think a direct approach can also serve as a sort of test that will help you figure out who is responsive and actually cares about your well-being.


Welp, here's my 2 cents on this. I lost my first and only important girlfriend / friend I've had about 8 years ago. Before I met her, I was fat and very lazy and when I learned that I had to meet her I lost all the weight and fixed myself enough that I got to know somebody who was very synchronized with who I was as a person. Times with her were unique, but never happy. It felt as if I was pushed or "transformed" into the 100% version of myself. And then of course she just stopped being here. When she died I went into a working frenzy an I would animate everyday being closed inside and just in general accepting that what is done is here to stay forever.

It's been 8 years and what I am about to say is cruel, but that's just how I feel. I am free. I feel as if there is just no purpose of spice in life anymore. I got to feel the apex of myself and the world, yet somehow I see it as the right path that life put me into. My closest friends are assholes, people in my uni are boring, bland, megalomaniacs who would rather step on a baby than break the monotony that is their life and try to bond with anyone around them. To most, I am a jester like you, I embarrass myself, score low on tests and other crap.

Worst thing is that this freedom I talked about is the best way to fool people around you. I got to know many people, to the point that some consider me popular/ alpha male/ handsome /whatever crap. No matter how many girlfriends / parties/ being drunk, none helps, I know that I will wake up next morning and think of talking to someone that isnt there anymore. And somehow through all this people will never see that self, that self loathing person that is true, but repulsive, only because these same people dont want something that matters, they want to be happy, they don't want to connect to others around them, maybe they are afraid, or maybe they just stopped searching for that 100% of themselves.

Anyways, the world is very lonely. I don't know if you are like me, but this "things" we feel make me want to help.

Protip: start lifting


soykaf, i'm like you.


this alice is damn right, you should try to talk more directly about the things you want to and if they wont keep a conversation about that, it is just that they are rude. and you should tell them about that rudeness too.


I second this. OP, you need to be more vocal about this to the people you care about. Tell them the same things you've told us. Tell them how alone you feel, or how they never ask how you're doing. Tell them how you feel hurt and want them to have more of a regard toward your emotions, or feel like you're seen as a jester by them. Tell your friends that you feel they're absent from your life. If you can work up the courage to tell us, I think you can tell them as well.

You should stop pretending to be okay to them, and let them know you're not okay. If these people truly care about your well-being, they'll take some sort of time out of their day to actually listen to you, and try to help you. If they don't care, even after all that, then I'd suggest you find better friends.

I think you need to be a more assertive, OP. Don't be aggressive, because that might alienate someone you care about. But assert yourself. Tell your best friend that you'd like to have a serious discussion, one about how you feel. Tell them how you're hurt by the superficial act you have to put on. Don't tell them that you "don't care" about their relationship, of course, but the superficial act is worth mentioning. Tell them how every day for them is "exciting and emotional", while yours are "completely void of feelings and experiences". Tell them how you "don't want to wear a smile and laugh awkwardly ever again."

I don't know how you feel about this sort of thing, OP, but I'd also recommend seeing a therapist, if you can afford it. Again, tell them everything you've told us. I see a therapist myself, and he's provided so much help and support these past 6 years of my life. Also, I'd recommend getting out of the apartment more. Find something out of the house that you enjoy doing. Something that makes you feel good, and gives your life purpose. Especially if it's something with your friends. In my case, I've taken to volunteering at the local homeless shelter; not only because it gives my life meaning, but because it helps those who need it most.

One more thing; don't listen to all the negatives in this thread trying to bring you down further. They're not worth the time. And, for the record, I'm not trying to "tell" you to do anything, either, OP. I'm just trying to give you some advice. Whether or not you try it is up to youPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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Recently had a shed catch on fire from faulty electricity luckily the house is ok as am i but it was pretty scary to say the least lots of explosions from what was in there to clarify i live with with my friend who owns the place and i help pay rent so all of his things in there about 20 grand worth is all gone a car exploded too but luckily mine and his other car is okay
anyone else been in a big fire situation? i'm interested to see others experiences with this type of thing

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Wake up,Go to work/School,Come home,Sleep Repeat

This is what my life has felt like for hr longest time aside from a few occasions where I had someone close before they abandoned me. I have no friends or meaningful connections and when I do they just don't get me and stop talking to me. phase through my mediocre life unable to relate or connect to the people around me. Feeling isolated in a crowded room. Then I come home and my only escape and the only time I feel good is when I watch something like anime, listen to music, or play a good game. This is the only part of the day I enjoy before the dread of the next day where I know I will have to go through everything again sets in. Can anyone understand what I'm feeling, what do you escape with,or do you have any thoughts? Thanks for reading Alice.
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I'm pretty familiar with that feeling OP. I don't really have any advice for it, I'm also merely coping.


That's almost exactly what I've been thinking, plus the part about happiness only existing for the purposes of ensuring reproduction and the preservation of offspring.


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You've pretty much described my life, Arisu. I don't know what to do with it, too. I try to grab something I may be interested in, "do the job you love and your life will be unicorns eating butterflies and soykafting rainbows", you know, but every time I tried I got burned out pretty soon. I try something interesting, it becomes a tedium I have to do every day for my bread and butter, and I understand it. This is ridiculous. I'm forced, basically, to do a job I hate so I can enjoy smth I haven't already wasted this way (trying and getting a burnout) in my spare time.
How could other people ignore this. Or surpress, or something. The only thing that keeps me going is escapism through consumption of media.

>do you have any thoughts

I will off myself someday. It will be a regular miserable day, I'll get soykaffaced, and pump myself on some depressing soykaf, and this will be the day.
What do you think of suicide, Arisu?


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I can empathize greatly, now that I'm pretty much done with uni. Once your education is over with and you're faced with the fact that you have so much time ahead of you in life, it's hard not to feel lost, bored, and almost hopeless. And the repetitiveness of work doesn't help either, and is not as varied as years of schooling.

I hate it. I hate that I feel like my friends are drifting away and that I too am growing apart from them (though we're on great terms still). I hate being at this stage in life feeling as if I don't know what others my age know and experience, how far behind I feel. And I'm afraid that I will live through more years simply stagnating and looping through the same procedure of the day, over and over.

Hobbies definitely help to escape. I'm trying to learn math and better my mathematical thinking, since I have never been particularly great at it. And of course I code. I also am trying to cultivate some internet friendships, maybe something that can carry over into meatspace.

I think that one has to develop or adopt a true purpose in order to escape this wasting cycle. I want to eventually start volunteering for a cause, and devote my effort to bettering the world.

You can be my friend if you'd like.

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I love to drink and smoke. I tried to quit smoking cigarettes before, but I suppose I didn't actually want to quit.
Tell me your vices, Alice.
Have you tried to put them behind you before? Were you succesful?
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I got a whole escapism thing going on. I do drugs all the time to distract myself and to make my sad and boring life more enjoyable. Everyday is more or less the same and I like it to some degree, but I can feel the consequences coming closer. I barely consume porn, movies or games anymore. Most of my time I waste on the interwebs, listening to music and dosing my brains out.

Apart from my drug addiction, I'm into self harm. Since puberty I get boils and comedos on my back and shoulders. Squeezing them turned out to offer mental relief, even though it is rather painful, worsens the inflammation and leaves ugly scars all over the place. I've not been to the pool in years.


Guess again.


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I guess sex and masturbating but im in a relationship so could the sex even be considered a vice, i drink on the weekends but rarely get drunk it makes me feel awful


>I barely consume porn, movies or games anymore. Most of my time I waste on the interwebs, listening to music
This but I don't do drugs. The Internet is a hell of a drug. Get nothing out of it, bored all the time, but can't get away from it. Been like this since I was about 11. When I play games, I feel like I'm wasting my day so I quit after about a half hour, then I spend 9+ hours refreshing imageboards. I can't stop; I don't know how to stop. I have to use a computer for work so not having one is not exactly an option.


You could try to cut the internet connection, if you don't have any particular business to attend at the net. Maybe turn off your router or even unplug it, make it harder than clicking on an icon, so you have to invest some effort like a barrier to cross! Before going back online, make a list of stuff you want to do and set a time limit for lurking and posting!

Internet addiction is serious soykaf.

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I keep running into a system error. I have tried everything except a hard reboot.

My application, has been corrupted, by imbibing copious amounts of fermented sugar, which other systems have named alcohol. The virus was slight at first, but, it grew and grew untreated. It has overtaken my OS, and now all my applications freeze under high CPU loads when I give a normal workload.

Right now, I am trying to kill all active user processes, and get monitor the system resources at a baseline level. Currently my readings are volatile and unpredictable. My hardware, is always overheating, and laggy. CPU threading has been reorganized, to no avail.

A similar system suggested to run a script named, found under a anonymous folder named AA. User permissions were granted 777 and I was able to start running the program.

So far 16, 360 degree rotations of the earth on it's axis have passed and the script is still initializing. I am told, that this script works but it can be buggy. My system feels heavy, slow. Permanently damaged. If only my creator named Mom, wasn't still in active operation I could, run a hard reboot, or just nuke the drive, even if that kills other systems.

Have any other systems encountered a similar bug?


I previously had this error. Once, after a heavy processing session, my exhaust vent emitted copious amounts of working fluid. This event brought to the fore of my priority queue a proposition that was previously very distant: that continuing the evaluation of this program would lead to a permanent system halt. Staring into the porcelain bowl full of red realization, I cataloged all the programs I had run and all the programs that I might yet load. The results: maybe there are no more programs worth running, maybe not, but I won't know until I execute them myself, and I can't do that if I power off.
I sent a SIGKILL to the corrupted process and waited. After many cycles, the frequent glitches lessened. The virus reappeared several times, but each time was eventually terminated. Six phase of moon iterations later, the glitches have ceased and CPU frequency has returned to normal.
I have heard tale of a network administrator, but my messages to him went unanswered. Perhaps he is busy fighting trolls and spammers?
Whatever debugger you use, I wish you success. Bugs and glitches can be fixable, and who knows what new debugging techniques may be developed in the future, but once you go offline, you don't come back up.


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Your system sucks.
Just fetch an installer for a better one, dd if=it of=some_installation_medium, switch the power off without logging off or anything, and overwrite your old soykaffinating system with the new one. Never know what hit 'em.

If you can't do that, you might as well embrace what you have: turn your OS into a text editor (or is it the other way around?), or make it into a lain cult, or perhaps try to write a license for it that is so ideologically charged it will magnet tech barbarians who will write a usable core for it.


you ought to read scripts before just launching them, I'd fear if this script isnt ultimately less useful than an alternative.

are the aberrant processes all used by one user? you could kill all that user's processes and create a new user.

This strategy has worked for me in similar if not identical situations.

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