/feels/ - do I need help?

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do I need help? evian 2018/05/30 (Wed) 17:58:16 No.1683

I know this isn't a journal, but I don't have a place or person to say this to without looking crazy…

I'm 20, I've been dealing with some inner-conflict with myself since middle school, just a continuous discomfort with what's around me and just a bit of myself, I was mostly bullied throughout middle school but coming out of it, the feelings of discomfort grew, but I don't feel crazy about it.

I know I won't hurt anyone or myself, I feel in control of my mental state especially after years of therapy I've had. I can't even hurt flies. After those years, I've managed to find a line of work that I'm proud of, I'm starting college real soon and I didn't think I'd be going to college in middle school, I've managed to find myself with a group of friends that expand beyond just a few dudes at work, I feel cared for, but when the euphoria of being around people finishes up, I can't help but to notice how not only my own environment in California is just spiraling out of control, but it genuinely feels like America in general is spiraling out of control. It's not the "SJW soykaf", it's not the "Racist soykaf", it's not the "Trump soykaf." (Although, I must say a lot of our liberals get incredibly overzealous, this is not the root of the issue for me.)

It genuinely feels like the cultural discourse, the acceleration in our economy (which can hurt me personally knowing that I can be classed out of my city real quick), the inequality that seem to be forced in some cases, the consistent peeking corporate America does into our lives, it's all reaching it's violent, gate-kept peak, and as the years go on, it seems to get wackier and wackier. I hear wackier things from some of my peers of the same race, I hear wackier things from others of different race, I don't pay much attention to media, but when it comes to my doorstep, an inevitable happening where everyone is so connected 24/7, it just seems…to get even more senseless.

My problem is I can't tell if this is just the process of growing up, or if I just need anxiety help, or if I'm wrong to feel that it'll soon be time for me to integrate myself into a different country with a different culture. I know it won't be the easiest for any expat, just it continuously feels like this bubbling isn't for me. I'll obviously survive it, but am I choosing to live in stress, am I just unprepared for the 'real world', or is this country just not for me? And am I selfish for wanting to leave? Should I stay and see how I can help others? Nothing's ever taught me any of these things, so it feels like an "everyone for themselves" hunger games. Am I just contributing to that by leaving?

Zhora Salome 2018/06/01 (Fri) 22:18:16 No.1689

File: 1527891496478.png (51.08 KB, 230x230, transp.png)

Your general discomfort makes sense and is not unfounded. However if you are exposing yourself to the increased sensationalism in most media then your reaction may be, in part, due to this. Be careful, because this is exactly how they want you to react since it further validates their ability to feed and market their soykaf to you.

Keep the things you've already become wary of in mind, however focus on work and school. A general trend is the more professional environment you can access, the less you are exposed to the 'wacky' stuff you spoke of.

Unnamed 2018/06/02 (Sat) 14:39:15 No.1690

It's natural for you to feel anxiety, stressed out or simply alienated from your country.
You can think about moving but I honestly don't know if it would help. I thought about moving too but then I always end up at the same question: Where to? 95% of the planet is doing worse than I do.

I don't want to turn this into a political discussion but we live in a decaying system that sooner or later will wither apart. I tried to stop reading the news because it made me feel worse and worse.