/feels/ - personal experiences

I'll start with myself. I'm nonpracticing Muslim.Even though I'm trying to be a better person I've probably committed every sin you can think of and I keep doing dumb soykaf. I've let myself get close to people recently and what started pure has gone to soykaf. I've even fallen in love with my best friend despite the sincerity of their already existing relationship with someone. I hope to get this person out of my life because it's making me feel like crap that I'm hiding feelings and faking a pure friendship.At the same time I don't want to hurt them by telling them or leaving. I've let myself waste all my years until high school and I don't know where to go from here or how I'll handle things.I realized that I really don't love my mom anymore.Even though she apologized for leaving my life and going her own way its already too late and I've learned to look after myself, which I'm glad for.I only wish I had become emotionally independent of her long ago.

The person in the mirror is a stranger to me.
I don't see it as a representation of myself, and it feels really weird every time I think about it.
I've talked to like two maybe three people ever regarding it

>>1619
Its only a stranger because you let yourself interpret it as so. Humans can override their instincts.

>>1625
True, but I don't feel comfortable overcomming it.
Everyone I interact with has built a persona on my personality. And I feel that rebuilding this might only just make soykaf hard on myself

I have a girlfriend but I think I'm gay

>>1630

Maybe, but the chances you are gay is like 10-20%, so let's just assume it's unlikely.

Have you been watching a lot of pornography? Sometimes excessive pornography can cause doubt in sexuality due to people jumping into personal taboos for that sweet sweet chemical high.

It's also important to remember that males and females have a lot of neural/CNS circuitry in common. As such, maybe you just have both male and female sexual systems active, and so get arousal from both of them.

https://www.amazon.com/Billion-Wicked-Thoughts-Internet-Relationships/dp/0452297877

This book does a pretty good job of explaining the whole "male but with activated female circuitry" bit.

But this is me offering alternatives before I have even heard your experience. Maybe you are gay. In which case, so find out.

>>1633
>linking to a datamining website of a corporation that tracks it's customers, complies to PRISM, distributes drm-infested malware and hardware, and also underpays it's employees while treating them as chinese factory workers
Here's a link to a free as in freedom e-book:
http://xfmro77i3lixucja.onion/book/3XcqrnQrDa3hNpqB
Shame on you, arice.

>>1635
People should be free to visit where they want.
It's up to both the poster, and the receiver to bother with it.
What makes all the difference is your investment into the security and monetary/informatory values of the data you do end up transmitting.

Fucking Jeff Bezos though, fucking hell. Really one of the big figures which pushed forward the whole personalised ad experience

>>1636
I prefer quitting the bullsoykaf and linking a direct download link. Simple as that.

>>1637
>>1636
>>1635
if it were a physicl object, i would appreciate an amazon link,
but since it's a book, i agree you should post an illegal link.
it's more low-life

Thanks for this thread.

That's a heavy one: I am addicted to porn, it makes me lose all my discipline, I started very young (11 years old). I did a lot of mistakes, one of the biggest was to be attracted to my sister, nobody says it, but I think everybody knows what was going on, you can imagine things I did.
After trying to stop fapping multiple times, I finally succeeded nofap for one month, I successfully stopped having feelings for my sister. Instead, I became gay and started cross-dressing.
Now I am doing something about it again, I don't want to be a pervert when I hit legal age, I can kill my sexual desires if I am sad, that's what I am doing, just more three months of sadness and I'll be cured.

>>1639
You really think nofap will cure you?
You need to quit porn, not stroking your willy. People have been stroking their willies for thousands of years.
I've attached a picture, yeah it's from pol but don't judge a book by its cover. Or a post by its source.

Nah there is no way I'm telling that to anyone.
Instead I'll say this: lot of people recently said that I'm manipulative, and that some of my friends (including IRL) distance themselves from me because I hurt people way too easily, and not much remorse.

I think I actually understand why they find me manipulative; I always valued behavior where people with the right solution apply it even if it's forceful or disregards some rules. The goal is for things to be well, being aware of the best solution but withholding it just to respect the autonomy and personal space of others is a crime against common good, and by extension the people you "respect". So if I can manipulate everyone into what is good for everyone, I do it. I understand that if I, or circumstances fuck up, I (and circumstances) have caused much damage and have much to answer for.
Other than that, I feel like many people force certain moral "truths" upon themselves on a dogmatic level. This allows them to let their guard down, be at ease and still be harmless - they won't be offensive or malicious, they have already censored their own thought-crimes. I rather prefer seeing things how they are, even if that makes me pessimistic or cynical in their eyes. I'm the kind of guy who rocks 99 Insight in Bloodborne in the Nightmare of Mensis. This makes me a presence often unwelcome in comfort zones, especially when talking about the world. Sometimes a slightly offensive comment or two slips, no big deal if you ask me. By their standards, those comments make me a horrible person.

Overall, I don't really regret this. It's sad that so many people prefer niceness and cooperation over truth and efficiency. I understand that I'll always have a clearer view than many, and leave the diplomacy to those of them who are good at it.

>>1639
I'm addicted to fapping too and I'm >>1630 and in my case it also kills all discipline. I've never gone nofap for over a week, and I often fail to get on my feet do what I must.
I don't think nofap will "cure" you, like anon said. Eventually you'll make it though, you're more comitted than I've been.

Im a horny fucker and in to Femdom for some background. Went to my cousins this thanksgiving. My cousin is 18 and pretty hot. While they were out and she was the only one in the house I went to her uggs and kisses them and licked them. Hot as fuck, but still feel guilty.

>>1650
Who wears uggs in current year?

>>1651
they are fucking hot ok

>>1649

I realized nofap is not the way to be cured, in my case, it just makes me more horny, the only difference is that I do gay things without fapping, that's even worse. Best answer I got is >>1640, you should stop watching porn, masturbate (without gay thoughts) and cultivate aggression, that's it. In my case, a lot of the cross-dressing comes from a feeling of weakness, you must eliminate that feeling.

I just realized that there is a part of me that wants me to think that i still havent integrated into normal personlife, that wants me to believe that i dont actually have friends and that i still havent become a person thats actually a core friend and not just some person in the fringe of someones circle.

I was going to a student bbq today but when i went there i found no student bbq. When i looked up the organizers facebook and instagram i actually found no evidence of there being a bbq today. Were the posters i saw at school fake? Was it a hoax event? Why didnt any of my friends tell me of this? Some even said they would go to the bbq. Was it cancelled at last minute or something? I dont use messenger or facebook so info doesnt reach me that fast, i rely on word of mouth or my friends telling me of stuff i should know.

I dont know what really happened but i noticed how quick i got the idea of my friends knowing that the bbq didnt happen and didnt tell me. Ive never been more surrounded by friends i cant trust these last 3 years yet i still immediately got the idea of them betraying me and not valuing me as a real friend. It should be rediculous really but i cant leave the thought alone.

>>1650
the guilt is what makes it so hot. Fetishes are fetishes it's not like you hurt anyone or even caused any harm at all.

>>1655
idk about cultivating aggression, but figuring out why you're becoming progressively more degenerate is a start.

kind of wanted to confess actual crimes, but you guys made it into a shoe sniffing confessions general
so I'll pass

>>1665
> degenerate

Where did you wander in from?

>>1665
> kind of wanted to confess actual crimes

Go away FBI

I only managed to install something with the Make Install method twice, every other time (more than 15 times) it never worked and i have no idea why.
There are many programs i'll, probably, never use because of this. Right now i can't fucking install Lighthouse for my life, those in the list have one more friend to mock my skillessness.

>>1702
You'll get it one day. I believe in you.