No.678
I'm starting to fail my classes, and I'm not understanding the material. I already sank 10,000 into college and I have no idea what I'm going to do if I fail. It's been keeping me up all night.
No.679
I'm afraid I'm going to fall my classes and I don't know what to do. I'm at university a second time, what am I gonna do if I fail? Kill myself? I have no other option
No.680
Due to the numerous repeating of years and the cost of tuition and loans I'm looking somewhere around 70k debt right now. It's ludicrous when it's written down like that but I suppose I don't need to start paying any back until I'm earning above a certain threshold which I'm happy with. Still, passing this year is no certainty and it's a lot of pressure on my head.
The real worry is my mental health in the event of failure. I just do not know what I will do if I don't pass with decent grades. What a waste of many years and money.
On another subject I think it's funny that my friends think I'm gay. I even tell them that I am. I don't know why I do this.
No.681
I subconsciously think I'm gonna die.
No.684
i put myself down every day, i feel like i can't do anything right, i feel like a fuck up, i hate myself, i'd kill myself but i'm too much of a coward to do it, i just want to die. i also have feelings for a girl i hardly ever see anymore and that only adds fuel to the fires of misery.
No.685
One thing led to another and now I don't feel very human. I got to a point where I mentally just accept whatever happens, and the only thing I end up caring about is my estimated energy expenditure and comfort in the future. ( I realize how these 2 statements seem to contradict, but I just accept things outside of my control as the new game rules, and adjust myself to fit the 2nd statement with the new rules ) I used to convince myself that most people are like that, and I'm just honest enough to admit it, but as I grow colder I'm starting to believe this to be incorrect. I think I hate this, but I hate even more what I was before. This is more than I told anyone in the past 5 years, which is all of my adult life.
No.687
I can trace it to the minute.
Say what you will, I was nervous, unstable, before it happened. Even if that minute had gone well its possible that the day after would have gone bad. or the day after that. The window was less than two weeks, gosh it feels longer. But in that minute, and by no fault of anyone, that day began its long downward spiral. And as the spiral continued, it went from trivial frustrations to grave, if soluble setbacks, to irreversible damage, as over the course of ten and a half hours, my carefully worked plans were resoundingly pushed askew.
After that moment, so long ago now, things got predictably worse. One thing lead to another and within two weeks I was no longer autonomous. Within a month all my actions were under scrutiny. Two months after that I had lost close to two years of work, but in exchange for something quite worth it. Six months after that, it became apparent that that treasure I had paid so dearly for was, in fact, nonexistent. My habits are such that even as things fall apart around me, I tend to take them in stride as best I can and adapt my expectations and plans to fit what is possible, even as preferred options close.
As such I totally reworked my plans for the next few months, trying to get things back on track. It would be hard, sure, but possible to make it all work out. And so when someone gave me promises, that as it turned out they could not keep, I rolled with it. And when other problems came up, and when more people flaked out on me, I revised my plans downward. Maybe things won't work out this month, but next month. And when next month comes and goes, well, maybe the next month after that.
Its draining. But one accustoms oneself to failure. I don't want to die because I already don't feel alive. I experience so many setbacks but they aren't setbacks so much as gags in a dark comedy that's gone on a little too long. The ends to which I work I have worked towards so long and so fruitlessly that it becomes a struggle to recall what I am even aspiring to accomplish, the steps so granular and small that it is difficult to see the big picture, and perhaps the big picture has been so compromised that there's little motive to redefine it – it will only change again before awareness at that scale is meaningful.
No.714
I'm tired of my bull soykafty life with people i don't like
I just want to begin FBI training
but I haven't met all the requirements yet
No.715
>>681sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we're all gonna die m8
No.748
I have friends but they don't really care about me. No one loves me, my parents hate me or use me. I just wish I mattered to someone. Maybe I should just kill myself, everyone would forget about it after a month.
No.749
I used to be 15 and resented my parents for making me do chores and not treating me right because I had to live with them. Now I'm much older and I feel pathetic.
I'm too old to feel naive.
No.750
>>675I'm not good at anything, haven't been good at anything, and despite pretty consistant practice, haven't made any significant progress being good at things. Now I'm just getting burnt out on everything, and the drugs and alc that were helping me stay somewhat motivated ran out for the rest of the month.
How do you deal with being a waste?
No.768
I think i failed another test. FML
No.771
>Be me.
>21 just got a new job.
>cute girl starts 1 month after me.
>6/10 but has a personality that makes me fall in love instantly
>become best friends we tell each other everything she has a asshole bf
>few months later I tell her that I am bi (1st person that I ever told)
>could tell that she is into me but trying to keep it as friends (it’s better that way)
>one year later we are roommates with some other coworkers
>she had broken up with her bf by now and tells me she has been in love with me since we met
>instantly get strong feelings for her and tell her ill find a new job and we can make a go at this
>see her on fetlife but don’t say anything.
>she tells me a week later that she does not really feel that way about me and she is looking for someone better
>tells me that she just wants to be friends. I am ok with this.
>this bitch made me get feelings for her just to break me down. Feels bad man.
> starts talking to all of our friends then when I walk by the stop talking
> week later her ex comes over and stays the night all our friends tell me that they weren’t allowed to tell me
>get mad because she wants to be friends but wont talk to me about soykaf even if it don’t phase me.
>talk to friends next day, they all tell me that she don’t like me because I have been with guys,
>makes everyone think im a slut, tells people that im gay
>the one time I put all my energy into one person… this is what happens.
No.776
>>771>become best friends we tell each other everything she has a asshole bfListen here kids, never become "friends" with a woman and never open to her, especially if she has a sexual partner and she is not your mother.
Gonna thank me later.
No.778
>>776This. Also
>>771>few months later I tell her that I am bi (1st person that I ever told)Not blaming you but everyone has insecurities. If she really cared about you, you blew it. How would you feel if you're already in a soykafty relationship, you find some potential nice partner, who suddenly declare
>Yeah I might like you but I'm also attracted by people my gender, you're not enough for meIf she implied you're a slut, this is how she felt. Never play innocent because girls always assume you will not restrain your desires. Cultural standards implying men will fuck anything they can lay a hand on don't help.
No.780
>>776well. I think you my friend are missing out on some very good friendships. Personally I've had plenty of instances of men creeping on me, but I wouldn't write y'all off as being the same.
>>771 had a sad thing happen to them, maybe a more tight lipped attitude would have helped, but its also an attitude that prevents the actual getting and keeping of friends, a problem many people in this community seem to struggle with.
not everyone is going to be your friend, and sometimes people who seem like friends can turn out to be not. but if you restrict yourself to people who are superficially similar to you, you limit yourself in so many ways.
also….isn't this a vent thread, not an 'give me advice on how to live my life' thread?
No.781
>>776>>778yeh I guess I always learn the hard way. only way I can learn however I still don't regret any of my female friends just this one.
>>780I agree with this I think the fact that I told anyone that I didn't know all that well was a mistake. I do feel better now that its out there though.
No.782
Hello ive been having this strange occurrence recently regarding my body. I get twitched on my skin and every time i react around them people within my neighborhood and building react to it. In a way i can communicate with other people Through potential static movement?
No.808
How to live when you constantly suffer?
No.910
Everyone thinks I'm this cool, collected person but in reality I'm alternating between burning hatred and wanting to die, to sink low into the ground and get swallowed up by the darkness coming out of the corners of the room.
The worst (best) part is I don't even want to feel better. I know I'm living in such emotional vividity to exist otherwise is to exist in nothingness- which also happens to me. Wanting death is the only way I can know I'm alive. Burning up is the only way of letting myself know that there's something left to burn. Because the alternative is nothing else, at least nothing that can compare to the former state of life-intensity.
Will it ever stop? I don't know. Sometimes it ebbs and flows but it's always there. I like to imagine it as a maw and claws digging out of my chest. Sometimes it's deep inside, other times it's surfaced. I know other people, normals, also have a sort of impending existential dread to hang over their fake lives but I feel as if I'm different. More severe. I don't think other people have my monster clawing out of their chest.
You could also accuse me of wearing a mask, I guess. But my mask isn't consciously maintained, it's bolted on to my face. My most intimate friends, my parents who have raised me, nobody knows what's inside. I think that's the most irritating, having your nature be unknown when you make no effort to hide it.
No.912
No one in my "family" truly understands me, none of my "acquaintances" understand me. I could say that the Internet has raised me since I have been awoken, and I'm thankful for that. I wouldn't call myself a misanthrope just yet because of some desires, but I really cannot live with most humans. Telling my parents I want to die means nothing to them apparently. "Your not hurting anyone but yourself anon"
Well obviously. And that moment was small talk. Nothing more than just a couple of minutes. It's been days now ever since. I truly cannot live with these animals. Every time I wanted to do something, it would be a problem. Every time I did something I liked for once, it's a f#cking problem. Everything with me is a problem for them. I don't fit in with anything around me, it's not even my fault, it's theirs. But no, to them I have no friends because i don't want to; wrong. "Anon get off the computer and do something outside with us"
I'd rather be locked in my room for a month without food.
To them I lack vitamin D because I'm scared of going outside;wrong. To them every time I don't hang around them, it's because I hate them;reason is partly true but with other factors. They hate me, but not as much as I hate them.
They don't want me to be me, they want me to be them. That's not want I want and if I can't have that, what's the point of this.
No.958
Good to know you only keep me around as a novel accessory. Thanks a lot, you fucking cunt.
No.1072
im tired of being me
im not a voyeur or anything, but my ideal form is a ghost that can float throughout the world and watch it pass me by. i wouldnt be able to influence my surroundings at all, simply just observe
No.1140
I am usually quiet and I see it as a disadvantage and an underutilization of my brain power. I keep trying to find some place online to talk to others but I never have anything to say. I feel like anything I have to say has already been said. So sometimes I just want to joke around without worrying about the substance, but my jokes fall flat and I just look like an asshole.
This is the first time in my life that I am worrying about what kind of person I am. I was always a laid back and funny person in school, but I didn't grow that part of me and just got quieter. I think I have grown into a sorry adult and I'm not sure how I am going to justify my existence or prove myself to my parents.
Thanks for not listening. The vent thread turned out to be the only one I could post in…
No.1141
>>679That would be very lame.
I was at a uni for a semester, didn't even go to exams. I did a passive spring, then did the first semester again. After that I left uni. Spent a year doing nothing. Went to another uni, and am doing just fine.
If you do end up killing yourself, kill someone else first so your soul goes to the void.
No.1150
>>1072I would like to be a ghost too.
No.1260
Somehow I thought that my father was at least able to filter through things rationally, not emotionally like my mother. I guess I thought wrong. They're all human, meaning that bad moods will force them to translate innocuous actions into malicious threats. I wonder why I ever had faith in him. But now that I think about it, maybe it's just because it's late into the night and my parents are tired. Or maybe I'm only just now coming to the realization that my parents are human beings with emotions of their own…??
No.1262
>>1261>recently>hearing her talk about pursuing this guy she has had feelings for a whileWhat?
No.1263
>>1262 meaning she had feelings for this dude while we were together and most likely dumped me to try to be with him. And now since we have classes together, I have to listen to that soykaf all day.
No.1264
>>1263That's what i understood but found hard to believe it was the case.
Dude, she is not your friend, she doesn't care about you; she wants to brag and hurt you in the process, don't enable that soykaf, get away from her.
What she is doing is evil and you have no obligation to put up with it.
No.1265
>>1264I would love to dude but I have three classes with her. I don't and never really friends and there was a time while we were together and I saw her as my only one but that time has surly passed and I use "friend" EXTREMELY lightly. She's a extremely short sighted, idiotic, disgusting toxic person but I'll survive regardless. Hearing her go on about how much she wants him as she neglects doing classwork makes me sick on so many levels but I'm becoming numb to it.
No.1266
>>1265But you don't need to interact with her, that's what i'm saying.
No.1267
>>1266I know. I let her go on without really interacting or engaging but it doesn't even phase her. It's not so bad, as the days pass it hurts less and seeing her for who she really is makes me happy things ended when they did so it's like no problem.
No.1268
I decided to tell my ex to either stop telling me about her relationship stuff with other guys because its inconsiderate and disrespectful to me and my feelings or to just stop talking to me. All she replied with was "hmm". I asume thats a no and am happy to cut her out of my life and be done with her bullsoykaf. I should have done this much sooner. The awkwardness of seeing them in my classes will suck but at least a toxic person is out of my life and its for the best
