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/feels/ - personal experiences

share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

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Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

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As the holidays have come up on the calendar I've started to really wonder about this past year.

I graduated high school this past May, I'm part-timing at a restaurant on minimum wage and the only girl I like has a boyfriend already. A close friend of mine left for university and I never seem to see my other friends nearly often enough to keep the aching loneliness at bay. I've matured quite a bit in the past year or two, but I never seem to find any real, lasting contentment in my life outside of fleeting moments here and there. I don't even own my own car yet.

I want to get my life in order, but no amount of "self-help" content is getting me any closer. My faith used to help a lot, but it's effectiveness has mellowed out and i don't feel as rejuvenated as I once did after attending my church, despite the fact that I believe it as much as I always have. The only hobby I have left to me is anime - which honestly translates to "I sit and watch tv and call it a hobby".

I feel like I'm on the verge of choking, never quite able to fill my lungs with enough oxygen to feel satisfied. The air is getting colder by the day, I feel like I'm far more socially anxious lately and my use of pornography has taken a startling upturn and, if I'm being completely honest right now…I'm quite literally on the verge of tears as I type this, and I have no idea why. Maybe it's the music I'm listening to right now.

I felt fine not even two hours ago, but suddenly my mood has turned downward. Far, far downward. I feel especially lost today, and I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life today or tomorrow or the day after that. I need to feel something, Alice. I need to make sense of the incomprehensible and I need to cry. I don't know what else to do. Maybe I don't have enough of the right nutrients in my body right now and it's causing my mood to suffer. Maybe I'm just a young guy who's mopey because he doesn't know when the next time he'll see his crush is. Maybe I'm just that pathetic.

I'm not whining because I'm consciously looking for pity - save that for someone who is. But I'm desperate for wisdom, and while I continue to pray for it I hope this could be the avenue by which I finally receive it. And, if you wish, feel free to relate your own experience. But it's my topic not my website, so do whatever you will - I'm not stopping you

Think of this as a sort of lament, Alice. A prayer to Lain.



Stop praying, god ain't going to help you for soykaf. What you are experiencing is close to "Seasonal Depression". Want to make sense of you life? Set yourself a goal as fucking useless as it can be doesn't matter try to to reach that goal.

That how i get through my life or at least try to.


If you think it means begging God to take action on your behalf, then you simply have the wrong impression of what prayer is. But think what you will, that's not the topic at hand

I already set goals for myself, but that's just something to get me through the day. I have no long term goals because I have no concrete desires to set goals for, outside of the vague notion of stability and a future family.



You have to immerse yourself with new thing get out of the old worries of long terms goal. You don't have control on them, control what you can. You could read a wikipedia page every day for exemple about a interesting subject.

Interest yourself on topics or thing you never fully experience. Your mind is setting himself in a "routine" break the routine and fill your mind. I recommend that you fill you mind with interesting knowledge however.



I want give you a hug man. Try not to worry so much how you should be, or how to improve yourself or how to conform to some standard you think the outside world expects you to. You're doing fine. Just find something you enjoy doing and spend time with people you enjoy spending time with.


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My guy, as a Catholic myself the only advice I can offer you is this:
"Do not, I beseech you, be troubled about the increase of forces already in dissolution. You have mistaken the hour of the night: it is already morning."
Basically you need to realize that we're in the fucking dark ages right now. Much of the problems affecting huge portions of the population right now that are perceived as simple facts of life are actually just simple facts of late-stage capitalism. Secularism is the regime we live under. You can try to make yourself at home in it, but it's not going to work, you only think it will work, it's all wretch and no vomit, the worship of the Spectacle, the life enshrined in our perception of "society" that we are always forced to behold but can never attain.
It isn't my place to tell you what to do, maybe by going with the flow and adapting to the system it will be possible to obtain some happiness without totally selling your soul, but imo that is at best a stopgap measure and you know it. The only true way out is to forfeit everything society has trained you to desire, and then to live unconditionally. I would like you to be happy, but the kind of happiness you're looking for just isn't compatible with the current system. You will keep getting the illusion of happiness, in many forms, the weekend, your "friends," consuming media/games, distraction in general etc. You'll NEVER get that sense of belonging which an intelligent man such as yourself always comes to desire, not even from the Church because Church is perceived to be a "second place" in secular society, whereas in a non-secular one Church was seen as the whole point and culmination of the week leading up to it.
This is the reality: We simply live under a system that alienates the truly intelligent. The less you are, the more you have. You can either be the poet who can't express himself or the worker who has no self to express. In both cases you suffer immensely. As of right now, there is nothing in the entire universe to be happy about, so I suggest you look somewhere else for that, and I think you know where I'm going with this. Choose to keep your suffering earthly and your mirth heavenly. That's the best I can come up with, hope it helps.

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