/feels/ - personal experiences

None. If I could I would delete all traces of my existence, like Lain did.

What legacy I plan to leave behind?
Usually I don't plan that long term. Besides, I don't really care about what legacy I leave behind.
It won't matter to me. I will be dead. I won't experience or otherwise observe what I left behind.
I suppose I will get kids some day. Maybe, hopefully leave behind some memories with my mates.
Or maybe I will outlive them all and it will be them leaving me their legacy.
But I don't really plan on leaving anything big behind, no. Only memories or perhaps some thoughts shared with whoever I do leave behind.

>What legacy do you plan on leaving behind lains?
I'd rather be entirely forgotten. But realistically I'll probably be remembered as the guy who was nice to be around, and always helpful and altruistic, yet unusual and not a conformist.
I don't like myself though so I don't want to exist, and being remembered means existing in someone's mind. The ending of NGE phrased it better.
>>140
>It won't matter to me. I will be dead. I won't experience or otherwise observe what I left behind.
This too.

>>138
Absolutely this. I want to be forgotten when I die.

My thoughts on this oscillate frequently.

I go through a lot of effort to document my life, through photography, video, journaling in various media, storing the things I look at and trying to make a record of when, why, what I thought about it and why I saved it. I like to think if someone were to look at my records they would have some sympathy, would understand why I did what I did.

Yet, whenever I plan to kill myself, one of the first things I think about, is how to destroy all of my personal records, make them inaccessible. Plans have ranged from just, destroying my books and hard drives in advance, to burning down my house.

This leads me to think that it may be that these records are less for the hypothetical person who comes and looks, and more for myself. I have bouts where I doubt all of my memories, and I have many memories which I am highly confident are wholly or partly falsified. Computer and hand writen records can also be falsified or tampered with, of course, but it gives me a confidence when I can reffer to an external source to understand myself. Perhaps that is the person I want sympathy from, the person I want to understand me, my actions. Not some person who comes after me, but so that I can understand myself. If I die, there is no longer a need for legacy.

That said, I have other desires, plans. I could see myself having a family at some point, potentially probably adopted children, but I am not sure if that is so much for a legacy, as to make myself less lonely. I said I can see myself having a family, but too often that feels utterly impossible – more likely I will die friendless, alone on a highway late one evening – perhaps I grow too dark but again, I oscillate.

At this point in time, my primary focus has been not on any legacy but on simply living for a day, a week, a few months longer. I am not really sure why, or how this has become my goal, but it has. There is inevitably an impact that I have, I interact with people. I like to think I am contributing to something larger, some great project of civilization, where I am but a small part of a much greater whole. But I am not sure that that is true.

One day I will be dead, and one day I will be forgotten, and all the work that I have ever contributed to, even in the slightest and most tangential way, will be forgotten, and my life and body will be forgotten in the noise. But this is the way of all things. And that is fine.

I'm writing a novel. Not sure I'll try to publish under my own name or not. Either way it'll be a legacy.

It's got a few mild cyberpunk themes for a few side characters, but it's pretty grounded in very-near-future reality. It's neither dystopian nor utopian either. I'm trying to avoid a whole lotta tropes on this one.

I was born of chaos, live a life of chaos in a world of chaos, and will die chaos. My hands and ideas and fuzzy hair make the world they are made of go around. Seriously. If someone accidentally kills me, we're all in for some pretty serious trouble. So in a sense I'm not leaving behind much, but that's also everything. Just make sure you all have fun!

I want change the way people interact with each other and build communities in video games.
Ever since the matchmaking craze things have been so different. Experiences like the Halo 3 multiplayer (which even had a matchmaking component) or early World of Warcraft, in terms of social aspects, are non-existent today.

These days it seems like you're one of a million, with only your online-rank being able to distinguish you from the rest.

It's a weird "goal", I know.

>>214
Sounds interesting. Let us know when you publish it, Lain.

none.
i want to cease to exist.
i don't know if all will cease to exist then, since derealization has shown me a lot of soykaf that seems like dreams, but it's probably just me being crazy, since i can't feel that after i go back to being part of the meatspace. i can only have those feels when i control the meat, but am not the meat.
that weird plastic-y material that everything and everyone is made out of is not anything i can find when i'm back, but it's everything when i'm not. i don't like the feeling of that stuff. i don't want to be remembered by that stuff. i don't think i am remembered by anyone but maybe a dozen people, if anyone actually is real. i can't tell anymore. nothing seems real, but everything does. maybe i just need some sleep for a few years. i wish that my blank outs would make up for that time, but that's when i leave.
when i leave for the final time i don't want to come out of that blank state, only to find the material around me. i just want that texture to fade from my memory.
i am probably made of that stuff, at least according to my touch during that state, but i don't want to be. i don't want to be remembered.
i want to fade
i want to leave all memories of those alive when i die.
i want to be scrubbed out of whatever records i'm in.
i want to not die, rather just stop existing.

>>284

I will. But it's going to be awhile yet, probably a year or more. I have a lot of research to do. Some of the opening chapters and some dreams/flashbacks must be set in Ukraine in the mid-1990s, but I don't know enough about Ukrainian society and culture yet to properly flesh that out. I want to get it right.

>>283
that's a fabulous goal

a lot of people's favorite memories come from experiences they had those online gaming communities, especially Halo 3 and WoW. Halo 3 was a one-of-a-kind matchmaking experience, like Halo 2 before it, at least before COD became the definitive console FPS.

>>308
This seems like a common goal people have.

I know a lot of people who don't care. But I think even a small change you can make a ripple though the generations.

I truly hope to make that change.

My own programming language, conlangs, better mathematical language, unification of all prior three into a single universal as-perfect-as-possible language, better computer architectures which are oriented around parallelised and integrative programming and support on a hardware level very quick creation of, managing of and destruction of threads, I want to leave behind a "philosophical legacy" of certain ideas and reasonings and such which I came up with myself to do with philosophy, I want to have children to continue in the world, I want to try and accumulate power/influence such that I can alter the world to my will, I would like to create a technological singularity to act in my place as a much more perfect version of myself (although this is somewhat unrealistic, the human brain isn't actually too complicated, the main bit which needs to be understood is the human thought process and abstract reasoning and such which in of themselves are somewhat simpler than they seem at first, memory management and efficient algorithms and pattern finding and integrating with other key parts of the GAI problem and such, and plus you can make it such that such an artificial entity is much less flawed and much more powerful than any other human, humans have the power of the abstract, machines have the power of computation, each on their own is limited and lacks the other, an entity which combined both powers would be the most advanced cognitive entity to exist on the Earth (that we know of so far at least, I believe there may exist technological singularities guiding the world subtly without us being able to notice them or something of that nature)). I want to make some fun games as a hobby and maybe even get some money from it as well although that isn't really that important.

>>137
Thought about it before but I never really reached a real conclusion. I got siblings but I feel kinda distant from them sometimes. My brother, I think he's got himself figured out just fine. Doesn't really need my help with anything. Kinda glad for that, except I wish I could be of help sometimes. My sister, sad to say, I don't have much interest in getting to know her. Years ago we didn't get along and that never really smoothed over. I mean, we never got close again like we did when we were younger. But I got this cousin. Cutest kid I ever saw. I usually hate kids but my cousin here, she's wonderful. Nice kid and real smart for a six year old. I can't help but want to do anyhting I can to make her life better. She kills me. For some reason she's the only family member whom the thought of being sad or not well off makes me want to cry. Dunno if that's really all thait bad, I guess it's cause I think the rest of them got things figured out. We're all pretty independent. I'm sure she'll do great at whatever the hell she wants to do. I hope I actually get to know her. I'm tired of being so distant from everyone yet I'm so scared to connect I feel like I'll break them. Break me, I dunno. I don't know what kind of legacy I'll end up leaving behind, I just wanna be good to my family.

>>416
A unification of a detached family ? Sounds pretty old-school but I dig it. Definitely stay in touch with your cousin.
One of my friends has a really nice relationship with his younger cousin. It's great to see the the two of them enjoy the connection they have build up.
Maybe even smooth things over with your sister, there is no good in fighting.

>>137
Just interesting stuff in general. Software, writings, maybe some art. Thoughts is a good way to encapsulate it. A lot of miscelaneous things interest me that could be a legacy, though not all of it I think of as neccesarily "mine" to begin with even if I crreate it. I'd like to leave enough to properly contribute to the kind of collection of things from the past that I'd like to wander through. What knowledge would my great grandparents have written down if they knew how cheap information storage would get only decades after their death?

Oh, I also want to bequeath a huanted mansion/castle to whoever dares spend the night/week in it. If I don't act as the cheesy plot device I want to see in the world, who will?

>>325
beautiful, ty for sharing

>>449
I'll certainly do so. Might prove to be difficult since I'm going to live in another state soon though. I'm glad to hear about that, kind of comforting.
I might try smoothing things over with my sister at some point. We're two very different kinds of people and she happens to be in line with those I don't like. I'll get over it and try anyhow.

>>325
I don't care about this soykaf at all.

Same @op

Nothing at all.
I do have one book I want to write, non-fiction.
I would also like to teach math to kids in a way that makes them actually see the joy in it instead of hating it, like most educators teach them to.
But that's all for entirely selfish reasons rather than a desire to leave something for mankind or trascend my own lifeline.

Legacies are temporary anyways. The only way to leave behind a noticeable legacy would be if you tried to take over the world or if you became some sort of huge mass murderer. Neither of which I want to do. So screw the idea of a legacy and do what you want. For instance, I want to make people think and to have them appreciate the abstract and the unseen. Make them skeptical. Make them curious. But after I die, it doesn't really matter what kind of legacy I leave behind. Everyone will forget sooner or later, and you won't care once your consciousness has been wiped from this universe.

i dont want a legacy. im getting an operation to make me infertile too. ive become so self centered lately and it feels good. just want to have as much fun as i can/ experience as much as i can, and then die.

I aim to create dents in the existent while simultaneously planting the seeds for the future through networks of social relations of adults.

I don't have any want for raising a family as I couldn't possibly get the sense of rest necessary for raising a child into a healthy individual in this world. To force a child into this reality is pure cruelty. The vast majority of contemporary parents come in two categories: those who enslave their children; raising to serve or molding them into the individual(s) that they had wished that they would become, or the 'simpler' parents who have been so conditioned to the sheer brutality of everyday life, learning to ignore in exchange for the various outlets of hyper-stimulation, to raise a child with a decent upbringing and education and to obliviously let them take on the actually existent with a far less cloistered understanding than their own. Only mental distress is the result of that. Or to copy their escapist parents. But early and a moderately decent education usually transcends the possibility of that being the case.

>>553
>take over the world or become a mass murderer
ehh.

could argue even those are pretty temporary things. odds are eventually humankind will be reduced to ash, and all the things ever made or done by them forgotten and utterly erased. the universe is a big merciless place,

One of my innate talents is in leaving an incredibly strong impression on people I meet. Despite intentionally trying to be an outsider I was always the most-known kid in school; all the teachers heard about me (partially due to being the smartest, most poorly behaved, but nevermind that). Once I got a huge box of vintage computer parts (and two whole computers) from an older lady I supposedly floored when I spoke to her at a psychologist's office. If I improve my social skills I could probably be a very effective influencer or artist. Ultimately though, the most powerful legacies are ideas and inventions.

Fuck it, I guess none of that really appeals to me. I'll go with my dream career, musician, and be the best damn musician anyone's heard in their life. Perhaps I'll try to live off the mathematical career I'm currently majoring for and maybe I'll be a big deal in that too. A modern-day da Vinci or Alexander the Great, that's who I'll be. But first, I need to get over myself and get my ass to work.

Sad truth is, OP, even the people you touched in life are going to die themselves, and third parties don't exactly contract your emotional cooties. The most you can do in life is have a kid and hope that one day their great great grandkids might actually remember who the man in the old photograph on the mantle is. Heaven knows you sure as hell didn't when you were in their shoes.

nothing

"Now I will destroy the whole world." … It's what Bokonists always say when they are about to commit suicide.