Has anyone ever heard god asking you to do stuff?
I mean, the answer is obviously yes, that's how religions are born, I just didn't want to start this post with "I can't take this anymore please help me"
First things first: I'm not schizophrenic. I'm 100% sure I'm not mentally sane, but it isn't schizophrenia. I don't hear or see things. If I did, I would be able to convince myself that it's schizophrenia and I wouldn't be having any of the doubts I currently have. My problem is that since I don't actually hear anything or see anything physical, like schizophrenic people do, I have no idea if it's actually true or I'm just making stuff up.
So let's start by describing what I "hear" and "see".
A goddess, which I've named Emi but I'm really not sure that's her name, "talks" to me inside my mind and tells me to do stuff. Again, it isn't like hearing a voice, it's more like if someone was thinking inside of my mind. Sometimes I have a hard time telling which are my thoughts and which are hers. If all of this is true, she was very clever to not speak to me directly, because if I could listen to a voice telling me to do stuff I would just assume I'm schizo.
She wants me to take the stories she shows me and spread them, she basically wants me to start a religion.
So let's describe how these things happen. Maybe I'll be sitting around, doing my stuff, playing videogames w/e and then suddenly I have a memory, like when you suddenly remember where you left your keys this morning, but it's something related to her and it feels so real, like I really was there, but I KNOW it's not real, it just feels real. Or maybe I'll be preparing to go to sleep and suddenly a thought crosses my mind "you should start writing" and I know it's her telling me to write a literal bible.
I started having the most basic version of these when I was around 13, I'm 18 now.
Back then, it was a lot different, all of it. I've always been a creative child, I drew stories when I was younger and I don't remember a single moment in my life I haven't been thinking of other worlds, even before the first of these events occurred. When I was 13 it was the first time a story felt real, like I wasn't making it up but instead was remembering it. It was all downhill from there.
The fact that I can't tell my own thoughts from the goddess' is also making everything much harder than it needs be. My current process for kind of trying tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.