No.168
>>88Skepticism is just a comfy position to take but nothing else. You can effortlessly refute opponents arguments by clever rhetorics but asides from that only product of it is pure passivity, which as it self acts as a force in history but to its injury. That is why highly speculative concepts like eschatology in Christianity has more reality then skepticism which ought to be intellectually superior. So it makes sense that skepticism made it to its ultimate logical conclusion - to be forgotten.
Thats I would rather be pure idealist then absolute skeptic that is indifferent to everything and as a consequence totally irrelevant.
No.313
>>312I think you're really missing the point.
No.319
>>162>>166lol can't be skeptical of tautologies and direct experience. maybe you can't prove causality.
No.270
I have skitzoaffective disorder.
Currently I take Rispolept injections every 2 weeks. I should be also doing 200mg quetiapine, but that soykaf (and the dose) makes me sleepy as hell, I used to need an hour or two at work just to wake up. Stopped taking it in early spring, life is great without it, but sometimes I fear of experiencing psychosis again (it's been almost 2 years since the last one).
No.271
>>270If your risperidone is working, I don't see why you should need to take a second antipsychotic on top of that.
What does your psychosis feel like?
No.272
>>271
> If your risperidone is working, I don't see why you should need to take a second antipsychotic on top of that.I was taking for it's anti-depressant features, but fun fact that I had suicidal thoughts very often which almost dissappeared when I've stopped doing that.
A psychiatrist at psyward told me that I could stop taking it "in the future" (it happened more than a year go), but I've never visited my "personal" psychiatrist to discuss that.
> What does your psychosis feel like?I get very paranoid and get filled with false memories. I just think of an event and almost instantly I can "remember" it happening. It's just my imagination, but it feels like a memory.
So basically, I lose understanding of a world and come up with very unrealistic stories which I believe. If you'd add aliens there, it would be a full blown movie.
Also, I feel very depressive and helpless.
On the other hand, everything is very good lately, but I still fear the psychosis coming back.
No.297
I guess ADHD-PI/ADD is a mental illness. I mean, what's the difference between a disorder and an illness? Not much. Anyways, I take 80mg of Strattera. It hasn't changed my personality that much, thankfully. Weirdly enough, when I started taking it at 40mg it felt a bit like a Marijuana high. That stopped after a week though, and I have no idea why.
No.298
>>270>>272I have schizoaffective disorder as well. I absolutely loathed injections so now I'm on Abilify and Cipralex with the occasional dose of olanzipine when I have trouble sleeping.
I never had psychosis like you had but I believed reality was an illusion and had dream-like episodes where everything was surreal.
I sometimes fear my psychosis will come back as well but I feel I am more prepared now that I actually know what is ailing me. It took awhile to diagnose and a year and a half going in an out of the hospital but now I'm just happy I'm working on improving myself and getting better.
No.280
that sounds mentally claustrophic. perhaps you might switch from physical to mental checks in your dreams (such as asking yourself 'what is my purpose in this dream?') I seem to have the opposite problem. my dreams involve the three step process of: 1. decide I would like to question the reality of the dream, 2. experience vivid horror at the unreality of the dream, 3. accept and justify it as a preferable alternative to mundane reality (yes, even if it involves the hatching of a being in my mouth or a world where everyone disappears but me). we seem to both experience terror in dreams. themost direct solution may be… waking up?
No.281
The whole point of lucid dreaming for me was the ability to control my dreams, it's probably a good idea that you stopped.
No.273[Reply]
Does anyone here have any diagnosed sleep disorders? How have they affected your life? What medications (if any) are you taking for them and are they worth the side effects? What do you wish more people knew about your disorder? Or do you just want to vent about it for a bit?
I ask because I was diagnosed with Type-1 narcolepsy several years ago. This is the type you see in TV and movies. My immune system is attacking the sleep center of my own brain. Any sudden change of emotion, such as shock, unexpectedly laughing, or stress, makes my arms and legs go limp and often gives me an erection as the blood vessels loosen. So I'm basically locked, awake, in a coma for 30 seconds. I'm also incredibly tired all the time without medication. No amount of sleep, coffee or excitement will help. It fucking sucks.
Fortunately my meds really help out and let me live a mostly-normal life. I take what is essentially legal GHB to reset my REM-to-nREM sleep cycles, as without it I spend about 80% of my sleep in REM (dreaming sleep). It's about 30% of sleep in healthy people. This is the primary diagnostic sign of narcolepsy. I also take generic ritalin during the day to keep my energy up.
I just wish people IRL understood what I'm going through without me having to explain outright. No boss, I didn't fall asleep on the job because I was partying all night. I got 14 hours of sleep and still hallucinated right after waking up. No, you don't understand how it feels because you "pulled an all-nighter once in college". Get two hours of sleep a night for a month and then come back to me. No, I don't want to go out drinking, because if I mix alcohol with my meds I will probably die and it's not worth skipping them to be a literal zombie tomorrow who can't even remember what street he lives on.
No.274
>>273I don't have any sleep disorders (besides "smartphone insomnia"). However, I found this video from the narcolepsy page on Wikipedia to be very informative about what cataplexy does and why it happens in the first place. I feel that explaining the low-level mechanism is important to help others understand why narcolepsy is different from lack of sleep.
Added bonus for being a 5 minute video in the current year.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Narcolepsy.webmThe video mentioned that people affected by cataplexy might avoid situations where sudden emotions might cause an episode. To OP and others, what situations have you avoided (real examples), and how do you think this has affected your personality and your relationships?
No.275
>>274Fortunately I was diagnosed pretty early into its development. As soon as I noticed a trend where my face went numb after I got angry, I thought I was pinching a nerve in my face or something and went to a doctor. Over the years my cataplexy and sleep attack frequency have been getting worse without medication, but my dosages have been getting larger to compensate.
These days I can function pretty normally for most of the day, but I definitely start to notice a drastic decrease in my energy and mental ability after about ten hours or so.
No.51
Anytime I die in a dream it continues into some other phase of the dream (like going straight to hell for example) Only once did I die and wake up and it's when I wasn't in my own body nor controlling the body I was in.
No.56
I don't remember most of my dreams. I'm invulnerable in most of them anyways.
No.79
>>35that sounds beautiful as a phrase and unnerving as an actual thing
how does it feel to die in a dreams anyway?
I'd be interested in everybody's opinion to see if it's all the same
No.263
>>35If you want to remember other dreams alice, try keeping a dream journal and write in it as soon as you wake up
No.225
so all of my friends are coming up with these grand schemes to ditch this small little country town and to 'make it' in their respective fields of interest around the world; they're all pretty serious about it and starting to make real headway and yet I'm still sat here trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life, i keep telling myself I'm staying here for my career, but i feel as though that's an excuse i tell myself because i can't do what I really want to do because of my stupid fucking meatship of a body and the short straws I drew in life. another part of me says that I could be taking my career further if I fucking put my foot down and stopped letting myself be guilt-tripped into hanging around for meagre dollars by my current bosses. i keep thinking to myself; maybe i could go solo and make more bank but then you need money to launch your own business and then while it always seems greener on the other side there's the very real possibility that the perfect conditions i need for my success depended on the resources available where i currently am.
so i'm torn between disappearing into the sticks and just skipping out on everyone, staying around town and being a sucker thinking that things are going to get better/more interesting, and between going out on a limb and moving interstate which I really don't want to do. but then there's this major part of me that wants to get the fuck out of the industry i'm in currently and do something… more with my life. thing is I don't even know what the fuck that is and even if I did the genetic fuarking timebomb i'm sitting on gives me a very narrow window of opportunity.
i guess that's the problem with figuring out what you want to do with your life far too far into the damn thing; i should have made this choice a decade ago.
No.229
just wrote one in .org. im fine thinking they are two different expression of the same life. the wired.
im not doing 10 minutes.
i always thought this was like some sort of freeform jazz. you get to do whatever you want to and someone in the end wil clap. wirte down anything, sure you can, live down from what your parents did and you will never guess what was wrong and what was right. this is hard, this is a demanding task. im proud of you and everybody trying it out, people die without writing a single word, without saying a single i love you, without caressing a leg, hugging an old friend, paying for dinner and asking "whos up for coffee?". people die in regret, hoping wishing they would have done all those things they wanted to.
but we should regret everything still, for doing it all is impossible. is it possible to do everything? im gonna pretend i did, and when my day comes to meet my maker, if there is one, im gonna say at least i did that chick or at least i travelled the world or at least i read the ulysses or something like that, thinking everything else was outside my reach. try to do everything and you'll die, but try to do nothing and you'll surely live sad. a sunday a day of fun of sleeping until late of feeling comfy watching the rain fall down on sick sick minds worlds out of tone pulse agoras of light and love, an oracle of seasons, ages and songs. cream and taste and yoghurt and spies, filling all emptiness like im not going to die, today or next week, tomorrow or after this
No.231
Okay let's do this !
I'm very bad with words so bear with me.
Wahhh I don't even know what to write about… Let's start with how I've been doing lately. I'm just as suicidal as I was before, but somehow I'm more calm about it, if that makes any sense. Before my train of thought was "Oh no everybody hates me! I will never find friends, let alone a partner!!! I'm so unlikeable and disgusting, no one even bothers being nice to me.Gross gross gross…. I am so gross no one can help staring at me when I'm walking down the street." Blah blah histerically sobbing.
But now… I'm so calm about this all. Nothing matters anymore. People are very shallow creatures. It's just the way it is. Life is boring. Meaningless. You go to school, get hired, work a 9-5 job, maybe get married only to divorce a few years later, get old and watch tv til you die. It's just the way it is. Nothing out of the ordinary ever happens, and if it does, it's usually something bad. Tired, tired, tired, routine, boredom, disappointment, loneliness. I just want to sink in an infinite black void. No consciousness, no thoughts of my own, nothing. Absolutely nothing. I cannot wait to cease 'living'. Just, nothing. Eternal sleep.
I am sorry I was born looking so ugly. There is nothing I can do about it (by the time I'd earn enough money to afford plastic surgery, I'll be old anyway) and I am far too depressed and socially anxious and autistic to "win people over with my charm and personality".
It's not anyone's fault that they don't like me. Even I can't get myself to like me. And I'm me.
I have finally managed to get a gun. I'm killing myself tonight, just after I finish this bottle of vodka.
No.233
This comes at a time where i find myself at a crossroads, or rather an esplanade. Not knowing which way to move, which way to lay the next line, which way to dowse towards. it's the same story in repeating patters, always moving, always towards something. Sometimes the flow stops, there's backtracking or mistakes are made.
But anyway i would still like to give it a thought. to build something, a community of sorts, where these kind of seekers would aggregate. I don't know what to call us, or where to find more of us. It's the same mechanism that brings us together, the wandering, guided as if by a higher force.
But what is the form it would take? Chans are dead without an already existing community, and by its very nature, this one would not have anyone who would stay. Anyone who stays is a false member, is dead, stopped in its tracks. A place for wanderers then.
If there is no people that stay, then it's the content that does. Like places in the real world, it must withstand time. But what can withstand the passage of time on the internet these days? Decentralization is out of the question because of the flowing nature of the user-base, and permanent storage is out of the question because of the nature of legislation and the technology itself.
Perhaps the answer is not in programming, not in a website or a protocol. I must look somewhere else?
I don't know if it's been 10 minutes or what, buy I feel like I got what I came here for. Time to move on. Time to keep on wandering.
No.256
Alright. Setting the timer for…..now!
Are thoughts different for everyone? Some people say they think in words, or voices, or whatever whatever whatever. I don't know. But when somebody says, "tree," it's not an image or a word or anything that pops into my mind—it's the idea of a tree! And I don't know how to describe that. What color is it? I don't know, it's just a tree. What language do you think in? Probably English, but overall they're just facts and pieces of information that ultimately don't have a language. It's just….pieces of information, swimming around in my head at very, very high speeds.
I think that I think very quickly. My mind jumps from here to there and there all with a snap of the fingers. Or a drop of a hat. Perhaps it's my quickly moving mind that makes people laugh when I talk. I'm told that I'm very insightful or witty. Sometimes I don't get told anything except for a roomful of laughter that I'm not sure is aimed at me or at my words, but I just stand there expressionless and motionless because it's a bit scary when you don't know the reasons why.
And not just for getting laughed at, but not knowing the reasons why in general. I like mathematics more than science. In math, you're a god. You get to make your own rules and discover your own things and do whatever you want, so long as you're not a hypocrite aka you follow the rules you make. Numbers are just things you can manipulate however you want, so long as you can follow the rules. And in math, problem solving is having a set of restrictions already made, and then you can play around in your sandbox, trying to see how far you can push those rules. How you can bypass them. How you can prove everything and anything, listing the reasons why.
But in science, it's different. You're just placed in a world you don't know anything about, and you need to figure out those rules. After eons and eons of watching and observing, you come up with a theory: "this is how the world operates." But you don't know if that's true. You don't know if it's false. You just know that it's been a pattern for that amount of time. And then you're always subject to not knowing.
In math, you know everything. Science is just a guessing game.
….and time! That was quite interesting.
No.251[Reply]
Spending a large amount of time in alternate realities(chans, chatrooms, media, etc.), or in your head, means that contact time in the open world is quite small.
When I sleep, I keep the memories of the dreams I have, and I feel are they filling in the spot that reality should be doing. I remember them as something that happened in real life, and most of them do take place in my own life. When I am awake and see something that evokes a dream memory, I have to force myself to distinguish between dream memory and real memory. It gets blurry. I believe that I have done something already or I own something that in reality I don't, like those memories have been injected there. It's like I'm living a parallel life in the dream world, and in all honesty, it's frightening.
Is this a replacement by my own mind for missing stimuli?
Does this happen to anyone else?
No.252
How do you have trouble differentiating dream memory from irl memory? Dream memories are the most absurd and unrealistic things ever. You should probably spend more time outside and less time on line. If that doesn't help go see a doctor.
No.254
>>252I don't really keep these dream memories for a long time, only for the day. And once I make the distinction clear, they don't bother me again until the next dream. So it is not exactly something to be worried about.
The dream memories are so real, that it's not absurd to consider it reality. That's what's unsettling.
