/feels/ - Every morning I wake up, I try to shake off the left overs of the night. After I succeed the focus shifts to choosing the most effective way to blend into society. When that is finished, which comes surprisingly natural, the normalcy begins and for about n

Name ⛚F(p'=fq⚿\h,}%$PO-♓\|*CajS☧X/)@ZlR⛳6^E]~:sKnQ5N♢7D
Email
Subject	Spoiler Image
Comment formatting options
File
Password	(For file deletion.)

instabile-kippschaltung 2017/11/08 (Wed) 19:10:04 No.898

Every morning I wake up, I try to shake off the left overs of the night. After I succeed the focus shifts to choosing the most effective way to blend into society. When that is finished, which comes surprisingly natural, the normalcy begins and for about nine to ten hours my being suggests a bridge between qualities of old and appeal of the new. This works but for every gain in trust of my personae I'm taxed with social debt. Which I despise. Which I try to avoid. Which might be a chance to get a glimpse of my dormant personae that sleeps for another X hours until I reach that much longed-for solitude.

When I do, my next challenge becomes being on my own. A desire attained is a challenge left to master – even if it repeats every day anew. I quickly realize, sometimes as soon as walking up the stairs to my barren, tech-focused flat quite a way off the city where I work, that something is amiss. But even before I can sense what I'm really missing (which I know deep down without a doubt) my nerves and reflexes begin to act. They take over control and sometimes steer me into working another shift on my body or mind. It even feels like doing the right thing. I guess decades of passive consumerism did their job pretty well even if I'd never acknowledge that. But when I deny it, which happens more often than not nowadays, I look for quick and easy escapes. They are there and if they're not I'll make sure of it. But they come at a cost and leave holes in my mind, perception and memory. A toll I'm very much willing to take.

Can this be all? I somewhat enjoy it but it's living on extreme ends and it gets harder with every year. Maybe this is the life meant for me and I'm just not meant to reach retirement? Anybody who knows this (somewhat abstract XD) lifestyle?

Niander Wallace 2017/11/08 (Wed) 23:13:48 No.900

File: 1510182828621.jpg (35.81 KB, 500x495, 1503274529824.jpg)

>>898
Most of my day involves navigating the world for some concocted betterment of some concocted character that I play in order to:
a. reach solitude at the end of the day, which, once finally attained, i dont know what to do with so I probably soykafpost and smoke and drink and occasionally have profound thoughts and longings, and
b. reach a point where I can afford perpetual solitude on a property in the woods which, once finally attained, I fear I wont know what do with and will probably soykafpost and smoke and drink and occasionally have profound thoughts and longings, but this time until I die.

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote lain, the social debt, the old and new, the nerves and reflexes. Sometimes I have to force to remember that all the greatest men, those who changed the world, were just men. nothing more. Even if I dont find a fulfilling way to "be great" and affect the world, as it is definitely not owed to me in any way and doesnt guarantee happiness, at the very least I can find solitude and something beautiful to look at. A somber reflection of suffering and wonder and beauty which just might justify not dying for a little longer.

Stay frosty alice.