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/feels/ - personal experiences

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Kalyx ######

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is it possible, through any means, to remove the feelings of sexual wants/needs? and the feeling of needing/wanting love? to help live a life of mostly isolation easier?

around the age of 15 or 16, I began having these ideas, way before ever getting into a relationship at all and before losing my virginity, it promptly went away after a couple of years. now that I'm much older and have mostly failed in that department, I plan on going the rest of my life alone. just wondering if through some kind of therapy related treatment or something if it would be possible.


You already know the answer (which is "no"); maybe you're wondering more about "why" though.
The reason I think is that everything is quite "circular" in its manifestation: our life as dissatisfied human beings always gives us new desires and new distress. Sticking with any "way of life" works only for a limited amount of time, then you get bored and discover new "truths".
The ones who keep the same thoughts and endure in a seemingly permanent lifestyle and mental state are the ones who don't get to question themselves to such an extent as in your OP in the first place.


that makes sense. I get what you're saying. I still plan on pursuing things such as travel, hobbies, interests but perhaps the way I was mentally abused when I was very young, is what causes a weird sense of worthlessness and "no one should bother with me, I should bother with no one, and therefore will go at it alone only unless with very small select group of friends." I've been going to therapy for these things, but is is a slow process.


I am on the same path and I don't think there is a formula or even anything really that you can do to accomplish this.
One day after realizing that I pretty much fail in this department as well, and that there is no point anyway in trying to get gut at this game when the reward is something as stupid as sex, I stopped caring.
I started seeing sex as this stupid activity where two naked people bang agains each other making noises, even more disgusting when they put their peeing organs in the other person's holes. The mating ritual started seeming absurd to me as well, like the social equivalent of a peacock showing off it's feathers, only in the shape of some inherently social values. The whole social behaviour seems like a battlefield for dominance, and an aim for "fitting in" by truncating one's own personality. The mating ritual seems like the distillation of this social thing, taken to it's limits. It's a constant trying to dominate the other through tactics reminiscent of those of humilliation, sex doesn't seem any different either. There's a dominant and a dominee. With the difference that it's all done under some untold protocol that takes all the social values into a single exhausting interaction.
Sorry, I ranted a bit, but that's how I've come to see it, but it has just grown on me from watching people and all the "dating advice" and expectations from society (aka peer pressure). I didn't do anything to get to these conclusions.

I can only advice that you get some hobbies, entertain yourself, try to get good at stuff, be wary of social spooks. Having a pet can also help a lot.


I must add to this, my sexual drive isn't gone, but now I look at pr0n I used to like and most of it doesn't arouse me anymore. I masturbate to release the sexual impulse, which is much more immediate than sex (it'd take me decades to get laid).


I agree with you about the whole sex thing, and also why (not trying to brag at all, simply speaking through after experience) after a handful of sexual partners, and even married for a few years at one point, it's all pointed to procreation. I really don't care to have children at all, I don't want them, so what's the point? I am going against instinctual human progress, and many people find that odd, and demonize that in a way that I am not following along with (in my case) "the american dream" of having a family and such. it is so ingrained as this cultural thing that everyone expects everyone else to just simply follow along. but anyways, yeah, I'm pretty introverted, so I hate big social settings, every once in a while hang out at a quiet bar with a friend, but only talk to them. plus this has given me a lot of time to think about all this and agree with sex determining people's personality, what they wear, what they say and how they say it, showing off material goods, talking about what they've accomplished etc. it's endless.

again, it's all just a dance, a mating ritual for sex and creating offspring.

I do have enough to keep myself occupied, I play piano, make my own music, essentially obsessed with music, love outdoors especially hiking with my dog.


well, there's still the aspect of it physically feeling good, something that is wired into most if not all humans; and unlike "make the bad go away" needs like hunger, thirst or pain, this one is about doing stuff for feeling good. There's probably lots of activities that only feel good and motivating because the brain abstracts them away, fakes them until they get the same response as having sex. Unlike the concepts about rituals you mentioned, this is something low level, and I don't think there's any way to remove it or train it away.

Luckily for you, the urge doesn't have any implications other than it is there, and you're free to follow, deny, or channel it into whatever you can. It's like hair on your head: it's there whether you want it or not; you can try to make a use of it, or just deal with it like a problem.


yeah of course, it feels great, but that's just to create even more of an urge to want it more/again, and again..just to procreate. sure we have sex for enjoyment but we all have various ways of keeping it to just that. I don't really know what I'm saying other than it's not necessary to have sex, plus this world is grossly overcrowded enough as it is.


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>the reward is something as stupid as sex
>it's all just a dance, a mating ritual for sex and creating offspring.

relationship != sex

sex is a thing that two people can do to feel nice together. it has bonding properties and is generally associated with vulnerability, so it often goes hand in hand with being lovers (or even close friends), but the point of a relationship with another person is not "acquiring sex".

a healthy relationship is an extension of trust. an isolated person can trust only herself (or not even sometimes), but a person in a relationship can extend her circle of trust to include that person as well. at the furthest end, this trust in the other becomes identical to the trust in ones self, and the other is treated basically as an extension of that self. in this way, two people in a close relationship can offload problems, both physical and emotional, to one another, knowing for a fact that they will be dealt with just as earnestly as if they had done them alone. better even, with issues spread between multiple bodies acting as one. it decreases stress and gives a sense of belonging; makes one feel more "whole", to the point where removing that person yields an aching emptiness worse than just about anything else. it's terrifying but also a pretty much necessary part of wellness.

so yeh, if all you see in it is sex, you're obviously not going to see the point of all that "hassle".


also oxytocin and stuff. so yeh, your body will make you feel gross for not being around and trusting people


I don't, it's just where the conversation went. I completely get that relationships are about bonding and going about ways of creating that bond and trust, sharing experiences and so on, but I don't feel the need or want to be in a relationship for any reason either, I usually end up craving my own time and space more often than missing the person or thinking of them, and hate having to feel like I have to be accountable to someone, and that my feelings and mental well being hang in the balance of another person.


I'm >>67, and I'd never thought of it that way, it certainly is a new perspective. However, I'm still with >>75, for those and other reasons: For one thing you described pretty much one huge objection I have against relationships: as if I didn't have enough problems (read: character weaknesses) of my own, I also have to deal with another person's? Nope tyvm. I've seen it over and over, and indeed it makes relationships something awful.
And of course is the fact that, while sex is really cheap, relationships are very rare in comparison. It's no secret that people go and fuck just about anyone. In my case, if it's hard for me to play the mating game just to have sex, I can't imagine the amount of work it'd take me to find a "relationship".
Plus, I've tried, and I don't have any qualities that'd make me a desirable partner, and I ain't going to work for other's approval, I'm going to work for what I care about. Relationships ain't my thing.

But I can get by your post why people would go to such lengths and such pain and drama for the sake of relationships. Now it kinda makes sense.


>as if I didn't have enough problems (read: character weaknesses) of my own, I also have to deal with another person's? Nope tyvm.
that's how things work in an unhealthy relationship. a healthy relationship requires people to be "well balanced". that is, thing which are difficult for one person can be handled more easily by the other, and vice versa. if all a person brings to you is a deficiency in some area that mirrors your own, you'll both end up with twice the problems you can't deal with. things don't have to perfectly line up (and never will); you'll always need to make some sort of sacrifices for one another, but the benefits will outweigh them.

this also means that healthy relationships are harder to find the more problems and imbalances the searcher has. to be ok with another, you have to work on yourself a bit first, and some people might just be not-capable no matter what, i guess.

it is complicated…


how does one find a healthy relationship like that?

do i have to wear some sort of silly hat or something to signal what i'm interested in?


there's not really any good way to "pursue a relationship". basically, just try to be open to everybody always, and the people you're most compatible with will be able to naturally drift closer to you. if you just stab in the dark dating random people it'll almost definitely never happen.

"dating site" things can work. they're good at limiting the won't-be-interested crowd. however, they also put a weird emphasis on things / mean expectations off the bat, so you can end up with awk unnaturalness that doesn't happen via more organic interactions. also also, if you're a dude looking for girls, will probably have very little luck at all, as those sites are full of straight dudes shooting messages at everything that moves and girls who react by skipping over / 2-second-rejecting things before they finally give up because there are just too many messages to actually read.




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>so you can end up with awk unnaturalness
Shut up, awk is a great language


Dating sites only work if you live in a big city like NYC or Chicago, or if you live in a city with a university or two.


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>Marketed under the brand name Aldactone among others, is a medication that is used for hormone therapy in transgender women. Spironolactone is taken by mouth.
>It is a steroid that blocks the effects of the hormones aldosterone and testosterone and has some effects similar to those of the hormone progesterone.
It's cheap, orally taken, and blocks testosterone so goodbye sex drive. It also turns you into a qt trap too. What's not to like?

>and the feeling of needing/wanting love?

Yeah… still working on that.

Spoiler for lewd.


makes your bones shatter, remember kids sex hormones make your bones good, that's why gals have osteoporosis after menopause
and let's not forget you'll be depressed all the time, because sex-hormones are related to mood.
also you effectively geld yourself(but this isn't a concern for you)
should i go on?

but let's stay on topic. For me it's sorta works in shifts. I have month or two when i don't need relationship, closeness nor porn. And a week or few days when i basically can't contain my need for somebody. It's a cycle, not a bad trade-off, if you don't count weight loss.


Just popping into this thread to say I stuggle with similar feelings. On the one hand it's a curse, on the other hand if the feelings just disappeared I think there would be a hole. Part of me believes that a lot of one's motivation for doing anything is driven by desires for love and sex whether we realise it or not, even things totally unrelated to such things, like how artists have their "muses".


>is it possible, through any means, to remove the feelings of sexual wants/needs?
i usually don't feel like fucking when i've just squeezed myself dry.

> and the feeling of needing/wanting love? to help live a life of mostly isolation easier?

i've not been successful with that one


>remove sexual wants/needs
if you're being genuine in wanting this, I recommend cyproterone acetate. It's a prostate cancer medicine often given out to transgenders (such as myself) to limit testosterone production and usage in the body (and as a side effect your sexual desires – they genuinely disappear from your mind in a strange amnesia/memory suppression kind of way)
if you're talking philosophically, I don't know what to tell you.


Stop taking these emotions seriously.
"Deal with it".
Currently incapable of sexually connecting to people.
But actually the world needs more well raised children.
The planets future depends on it.
So many soykafty people spam children and the smart and or thoughtful people reduce their procreation.
There are many people that see it as:
Either do children or become immortal.
It is easier to raise your children well than become immortal.


It is funny you know what removed most of the sexual energy for me? Having a partner that you have been with for 5+ years and not feeling lonely/isolated. At that point the biological urges just go away and you end up feeling happy actually. Then when you do have sex it is used sparingly and is more fun lol.

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