That feel when you were never interested in relationships until your friends had one
the peer acceptance feel
the feeling of not belonging anywhere or anyone. given how my inner personality is, i never enjoy social interactions. however, i crave for them. i crave for them because i don't want to go back to those times when i was all by myself. i don't want to experience the feeling of being so detached from society that nobody would realize i was dead if it wasn't for the smell.
so i have become an impostor. i try to act like i am interested in x persons family problems or have a heated conversation on which one of the football teams we support is superior. i try to fake a laugh when my they make a joke. i try to act like i am one of them, but i force myself so much in this regard, my stomach begins to hurt at the end of the day.
i don't have any conversation skills because i simply never had them while i was spending my life in front of a computer. most of the conversations i try to initiate ends up being cut off in the middle or gets boring too fast, because i simply don't how to have a conversation.
i want to belong to a group, or someone, or somewhere i can truly be myself, truly express my feelings, without limitations without worrying about being rejected.
I always feel a bone deep cold when something is about to go wrong.
that feel when everyone else is giving and getting hugs, and you also used to but now you are sort of avoided and you know it's because you behave a bit differently but you don't know how.
that feel when everyone else enjoys and organizes their life the same way and they all do it the wrong way but you can't or don't want to fix them but you also don't fit in unless you force it a bit
that feel when you are empty and like being empty, the night sky and the moon and illusions please, dream board
a few years ago: that feel when you have problems in your life
now: that feel knowing you're incapable or unwilling to fix the personal inadequacies that mean you have problems in your life
I sat around for nine hours waiting to not feel soykafty today. It never came. No amount of alcohol, nicotine, or food could make me feel prepared to do anything but sit in my bed and watch time slip away. Nothing could give me the energy or clarity-of-mind to give a soykaf. I've procrastinated on assignments that are due tomorrow. Also, I'm out of weed with no way to obtain more for another week. It's the only thing that helps, and being without it is a suffocating feeling.
tl;dr, the indescribably soykafty feeling of sitting in bed all day unable to get yourself to do anything, and also the feeling of being without the one thing that helps you get your soykaf together mentally and handle processing trauma.
the nausea that accompanies hearing a group of people laughing.
the most depressing sound.
the creeping anxiety and paranoia about a meta jumpscare at night
that feeling when you want to befriend someone but they push you away and you realise that them being distant is partially the reason why you like them
Thank you for this. It articulates an extremely specific feeling which I have so far been unable to express in words or even thought.
The things which occupy the mind and desires, are illegal, immoral, and uninteresting to most.
This is the detachment from others. You're not incorrect. You are outnumbered.
Posts like these are why I love this community so much. I can't even begin to talk my coworkers about my hobbies without them getting weirded out or bored to death. It's fair though, because that's also how I respond to their generic hobbies/stories.
that sinking feeling when you see a little kid playing and laughing and realize you never got the opportunity to be that naively happy, and now you never will
The feeling of emptiness after abandoning religious or spiritual ideas, and knowing that the gap they left can never be refilled without deliberately breaking personal core values.
The feeling when you realize that you fucked up - not in a little way, but in a way that will have real consequences.>>899
I won't presume to know Alice's life, but are you sure that you never
had those experiences? Is there not one memory that you can dig up and hold on to?
the feeling of waking up without being tired or foggy after a perfect night of sleep. The sun is just peaking though the blinds. A warm spring breeze gently rolls in through the gap of the window. You hear a couple of birds sing to each other. You feel peacefully paralyzed as you slowly become more conscious.
that moment when you become conscious enough to remember who you are, and the painful reality of your existence rushes back into your mind. Almost as if someone had hit you in the gut with a sledgehammer. It's like you re-live everything bad that you have ever felt in one second.
I live for those blissful seconds that only come one spring morning per year
The feeling of when you recognize that was and will be your last time.
The sadness that you want to wallow in.
The bad kind of nostalgia. Memories of your soykafty childhood.
second guessing yourself and your ability to make a future for yourself.
The thought that you won't ever be content with life.
The feeling of lost existentialism you get from just….being.
The sinking empty feeling after something has ended, something you loved but is gone now.
The loneliness coming from purposeful isolation and mask-building. The panic when the mask begins to break under pressure.>>907
It's like standing on the edge of a cliff.
Those rare moments when you are solely responsible for making something work. You have to make things right, and there are people counting on you.
And you have no idea what the outcome will be.
The cliff feeling, the feeling of falling, only really sets in when you start moving forward as if you have any idea where you are going.
Because now you are in free fall.
It's unsavory, tense, excruciating. The white-hot desperation of being over your head, with a deadline, with consequences. Not knowing the chances, the outcomes, or even if it is possible. The uncertainty is so unnerving that most people find a way to back out.
And you are moving forward. And the tension is getting worse.
It is a horrible liminal space. If you fail, it will be devastating. It will destroy your reputation, your mission, and very likely you.
But you keep moving forward. The way out is through. Anything but the uncertainty.
One of not being able to let go. I should have a long time ago by now but every so often it just comes back. Maybe I'm just dumb or bored so I keep thinking about it. I must not be doing enough.
You're stuck in a bad dream
Lost in strange trivialities when you remember this isn't who you are
Have to wake up
Why can't I wake up?
So you give up and wait
And you wake up
The sun's pouring into your room
But you don't feel like you woke up at all
Your mind is still back there screaming to be let loose
Have to wake up
The feeling when you are suddenly thrust into a future you never planned for and never foresaw, not even in daydreams, nightmares, and idle hypothetical wanderings of the mind. When you know you've gone off-script in the most horrible of ways, and there's no way back. When you know with all of your being that this wasn't supposed to happen.
The feeling of two hypothetical solid surfaces pressing towards each other with great force, and slowly being ground up as they slide off each other, millimeter by millimeter. But this feeling is in your gut, between what should be and what can be.
getting out of bed in winter
going somewhere and not realizing until arrival what you forgot to bring along
friends moving away and growing more distant
greeting someone and getting a blank stare as reply or nothing at all
people whispering behind your back
the sound of a mosquito in the middle of the night