No.2116
I have crawled into a corner, digging my head in, making myself as small as possible, to hide from the hurt that is the only thing existing and that is everything.
I have felt nothing, a numbness that mutes everything but a slightly nagging question; is this all? Did it not mean more to me?
It is good to have fond memories to cherish.
No.2119
There's no right way to grieve after losing someone. There are wrong ways, but it doesn't sound like you're in a wrong place. Just be. Don't think about how you should be grieving, because everybody grieves and makes sense of loss differently.
Keep tabs on yourself and take care of yourself. If it does hit you hard down the road, lean on your family, you're all in this together.
No.2472
Personally, my grandfather will die soon but I can't be with him because I am actually studying in another country for 2 years. I have seen him for a last time at the Christmas's holiday. I knew that he will dead soon because of his cancer. He barely spoke, stood up and breathed that day. He is far away from me and I can't tell him "adieu". He isn't dead yet but I won't be able to see him anymore.
Now it is a bit like if he's gone but he is not dead. I am experiencing sorrow and many other feelings that I can't explain.This is a strange situation that I am living now and I can't do anything.
No.2474
Lost no one
nor i gain someone
just sad
No.2781
My grandfather passed away about a year ago. I didn't really feel anything despite spending a lot of time with him and learning from him as a child. When the family was notified they cried but I didn't, they got mad at me for it.
Few months ago my grandmother fell into coma after suffering from sepsis, having one kidney cut out and an arm amputated. She probably doesn't have much time. I didn't feel bad when I heard about it, it was just like hearing some news on the radio.
Maybe when my parents die it would affect me more or I'm just unable to feel empathy at all.
No.2782
I only lose one family member so far, my great-grandmother. I cried a little, but we met so few times, and i was so little, i didn't really know what to think. She was very old, and she had her fair share of suffering back then (world war 2, then the communists), and despite this, she was such a benign and loving person. My grandparents doesn't have really much time left, they are sick, my grandfather had a stroke, my grandmother had a cancer. But to be honest i don't really feel empathy towards my granddfather. He isn't a good person at all, he has a really bad behaviour. He is the source of every bad genes i have inherited probably. Also he is suffering and i see that he hates life and hates this world, so i guess i won't be very sad when he passes. While i was a teenager, i lost a friend, and i was shocked, especially because nobody knew why he died, it was probably suicide. I was shocked and at that few days, i lost all kind of agressivity and all kind of resistance towards anything, all i could think of was to live in peace and love my loved ones and never fight with anybody, especially because the last thing we talked about was some fighting over some silly drugs and meds. Then a few days passed, and i realized, that maybe he was a good person deep in his soul, but irl he lied really lot, never ever kept a secret even when he sweared, loved to steal and scam people, and never thought of me as a close friend despite i thought of him as one. So my sadness reduced a lot. The only persons i really attach to are my two parents and my sister. If anything would happen to them i would be tragically beyond sorrowful and probably die within a few months or 1-2 years. Aside from them, i feel like it's very sad to lose someone, but doesn't influence my life really much.
