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/feels/ - personal experiences

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Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

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How do I stop my hate towards others ruin me?
During my childhood I used to like certain things and to like disliking other things, however in the last years my hate towards others grew stronger and now I wish that I wouldn't ever had to meet those kind of people in the first place, as a teenager I tried to be more cautious with whoever I talked to, but as the years went by I started feeling like my innocence has been corrupted and that I will never be able to be what I once was and I will never be able to enjoy anything the way I used to.
Sometimes I might be enjoying some form of entertainment, i might be dreaming or simply admiring someone and I would just get intrusive thoughts. I feel cursed by what I hate, and I hate having any connections to what I hate.
I could go into details as for why I feel this way, but I don't want to intentionally remind myself nor think about them. I don't want to run away, forget anything, stop hating or to forgive , but I want to be in control of my own thoughts and be able to truly enjoy things again. Even if I managed to dedicate a long period of time organizing my thoughts and disciplining myself, whenever I will think about the time I spent I would automatically be redirected to the cause, and I would have to start over again.
Does anyone feel this way?


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Yeah OP, that's awfully vague and difficult to map out what you mean. It almost reads as "I hate hating that I hate hating things, and I'd like to enjoy tings but I hate hating that I can't".

I might guess that you're talking about failed past relationships / lack of forming a successful relationship- and the inability to see certain people in the same way / even think about them without getting into a depressive mindset.

As far as corruption goes- yeah you're not who you were and you never will be- you could look at that as a bad thing, but it's not. There's nothing inherently better about being a kid and not knowing about bad things that can corrupt and harm, they're still there you just didn't know back then. You are still the same you, you just know more about the world now- and you're too fixated on the negative.

Unfortunately you can't 'fix' the past. You can't. You can't make things right, you can't prove people wrong. It's done. Over. All you can do is find something new to do and do your best, keeping in mind what you'd like to not have happen again.

It's not fair. Yeah, life isn't fair. It never will be. But you can still make it better. I'm not downplaying that you may be under significant psychological distress. I am and have been extremely depressed for a long time. What I struggle with is that I can understand the problems and the way they form a system, but I'm so over my head in problems to solve.


I understand, this is everything I needed.

Thank you so much.


Wow, hey glad to help!

Hope you're having a good day bro!


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