/feels/ - personal experiences

i been feeling empty, a few weeks ago, i start to hang out with a girl, she is cute, really smart, have a decent job, and we talk about a lot of fun stuff, but she is so insecure about if i want to be with her, or if she is depress i will be by her side, i stay in his home some nights, we sleep together, she is really sweet and shy, but when we speak in chat, she is cold and distant, like…she´s traying to throw me to the side of the road
i start to fall in love with her, and i dont know what to do, this starts to bring me anxiety, and a feel of despair, i cant sleep, i barely eat, dont talk to much with anyone, spend the day playing videogames, or drawing, only go to class, dont spend too much time outside, i smoke a lot, and drink alcohol almost 4 times at week until the blackout point or get enough drunk to dont feel nothing.
i dont know what to do, and dont know how to feel.
thanks for read Alice