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/feels/ - personal experiences

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Kalyx ######

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how would you like to die, Alice?
troubling even?


I'd like to die at the age of 200 in my lover's bed, shot dead by her jealous husband.


I would like it to be inevitable and with enough time for me to get over my animal instincts of self-preservation and fully embrace the solipsistic adventure of seeing what this 'death' will bring me.


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It is my desire that upon death, I awaken in the Hunter's Dream.


grandpa wrestling nice

hmm i like that. i guess that's what we'll do since youth will run out eventually.

wouldn't mind although edgelordish. i would fuck the lady.


I don't want to see it coming. I don't want to feel it happening. I think I'd be fine going into a situation knowing I might die; I just don't want to know when it happens.


There is an old legend that king Midas for a long time hunted the wise Silenus, the companion of Dionysus, in the forests, without catching him. When Silenus finally fell into the king’s hands, the king asked what was the best thing of all for men, the very finest. The daemon remained silent, motionless and inflexible, until, compelled by the king, he finally broke out into shrill laughter and said these words, “Suffering creature, born for a day, child of accident and toil, why are you forcing me to say what would give you the greatest pleasure not to hear? The very best thing for you is totally unreachable: not to have been born, not to exist, to be nothing. The second best thing for you, however, is this — to die soon.


It's about the air, the music, the constant moonlight, the style of the house (would need a bed tho). It all helps me remember that this world is just a dream, its things are dream-things, even if this makes 'dream' loose meaning, which is precisely how an arche should be.


I feel my opinions on this sometimes subtly shifting, and indeed there was a long time when the single clear and obvious answer would have been suicide. Quite why I do not know.

My prefference for this method though has wained, I feel, but I am not certain whether towards indifference or whether towards a desire to be killed, and for some reason at this moment I feel it is the latter. Ideally, this would not be in some horrific fashion; I'd rather not get randomly shot while buying groceries or crossing a street, but rather getting put down, in the way someone might kill an aging pet.

As for method of death, indifference dominates. Perhaps as suggested by the above I have an aversion to feeling burdensome, and would rather a simple and cheap solution rather than an difficult and ''painless one'', my suicidal ideations have always been towards things based on statistical success rates without regard for imagined pain – once you're no longer in a position to share that pain with others, I imagine it doesnt matter what you might experience. I'd happily be taken out back and shot, if that is conveinient for my killers.

Regarding my body: again indifference, but a prefference for convenience and utility; cemetaries are distasteful, I'd probably rather have my corpse be put to good use somehow. I am reminded now of those skeletons at the back of some stereotypicall classrooms, but I am sure the number of dead far outpace the demand for such demonstration items. Perhaps once my body has been harvested for organs of immediate use or investigation there'd be quite a lot of flesh, and I am sure whatever methods the meat industry uses to dispose of its unusable residue would suit me quite well.


I'm very scared of dying yet I don't to not exist in this instance of life, or at least with the way things are. But when I do inevitably pass I doubt it will be of suicide despite me being not being content with the way things are. I have two things that I want to happen before I do die. One being the usual "painless and quick". Two, I want to experience that raw happiness. A period of nothing going wrong everything is safe and secure. I time where I can just live.




death scares the soykaf out of me as of right now, and the more i think about it the more it makes me realize how weak we are as mortals.
so, i try not to think too much about how it could happen. im content with thinking that it will happen, and hopefully after i've lived


Relatively soon


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I would like to die quick, painless death.
I am not afraid of pain, I just hate feeling weak and not in control of myself.

I feel like this world is not made for me, but what gives me hope is being around other people, pursuing my self-centered goals.


Well obviously I don't want to die but its not exactly up to me after all. Quietly would be nice. Maybe during a comfortable rest. That sounds okay.
I'd like some time to know beforehand so I could wrap things up as best I can. Hopefully I can pass on without too much remorse.


I will take a bag of sleeping pills, and fall asleep listening to the Sunset Radio album, and never wake up.


Oh, it's Sunset Mission, not Radio. Hadn't listened to it for ages.


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Dying a martyr's death would be the only meaningful way for me to die.
Maybe self-immolation. A great deal of respect should be given towards the monks that are so committed to their values and ideals that they'd subject themself to that kind of pain, to make some sort of statement to the world.
I'm not committed to anything though, and I'm not sure that there is a cause I care so deeply about that I would martyr myself for it. I don't have suicidal thoughts much anymore, anyways. But they usually creep up again after a while, even when you think you're doing well.
"That's the most interesting thing you can do with your life…end it!"


for the rev


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I want to hearken the call of the void.


I would also consider some form of ritual death where I am willing, and it is without any real purpose. It's not martyrdom, it's not to go to heaven or the next life, or to appease the gods, or to live out some ritual murder fetish. Neither is it your typical suicidal suicide. I just, for whatever (lack of) reason choose to die. It is well understood that death is a serious issue, so people gather around to watch and feel its presence. The priest approaches me, I get to think about it for a while, then nod that I am ready. He stabs me with a knife in a way that I bleed out but not too fast. I breathe irregularly after that, gasp often, blood is starting to form a slowly growing pool around me. I feel whatever it is people feel when bleeding out, while others watch closely, without intervening. I am not panicking too much, just carefully experience how things I took for granted until now are changing, how little meaning the next harvest has, how finely I meet at the edge of the sky and the ground, how others around me could also be bleeding out, but have their veins intact. I slowly void out of consciousness (probably).


I just wonder where it leads, to mere nothingness? Well, that'd be boring.


i just want to jump into my truck and drive though my nation, drive until it cant drive anymore. Ideally stop on the top of a hill/mountain/etc. Sit in my chair, and quietly pass away watching the sunset.

I'd want to pass in a bushland area surrounded by the eucalyptus trees that define so much of my life. I have watched my nation fall into a writhing mess of corporate interests and corruption. TBH, I don't really want to live anymore.


I want to be able to share it with someone. I've thought about livestreaming a suicide before. Be an entertainer until the very end.


> just carefully experience how things I took for granted until now are changing, how little meaning the next harvest has, how finely I meet at the edge of the sky and the ground
Holy soykaf.
I like this.


I would like to die from bleeding out via nasty stab/bullet wound after defending my android wife. Her face would be the last thing I see.


OD, I want to die in Ecstasy.


Peacefully. Maybe in my sleep.I'd like for it to feel like I'm falling asleep if I happen to be awake during it.


I think 2 theories for what happens after you die are most plausible:
1. If you die, you go to a timeline where you survived.
2. If you die, your last moment is drawn out forever.
I originated neither theory, but if they are true that would be proof God exists and he is giving us a divine one-finger salute.


1. is my deepest fear, not least because I have experienced it once already


i don't know what death has in store for me but i know for sure that i will die from something stupid.


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I am my ideas, not this fleshed out instance of my ideas. I cannot die, I do not follow the exist/does not exist dichotomy. Even if the universe falls on the non-existent side of the dichotomy, I will simply not be/exist, but those ideas. You can only take me out if you reduce "all" into a single point/atom/thing/chaos/whatever everything else is made of, to a point where ideas aren't a thing as there is only one thing. However, that's what the world already is and has always been, and I'm not even a platonist.

Do you also want to be a Bot?


Generally peacefully.
Although I wouldn't mind dying for a cause, even if in the future it was proven a false one.

I draw the line dying via drug cartel methods or whatever those violent guys do where they skin people, castrate them, force said victim to eat it, etc.
That's the worst way a person could go.


Doing something dangerous yet badass.
Like getting shot in a high-speed motorcycle chase, or fighting someone while falling out of a plane before smacking the ground below.


idk die doing something cool


By suicide I think. Or some accident idk. Soon, that's for sure. There's nothing about this life that I like anyway, and the last thing I would want is to grow old with some alzheimer soykaf

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