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/x/ - paranoia

just because you're paranoid don't mean they're not after you.

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Kalyx ######

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Good Morning Alice, and happy 25th birthday to me. I think I've just realized one of the key reasons I tend to almost always go to bed hammered and sleep as little as possible.

I pretty much had a hallucination this morning, when I was trying to get some rest to go in to work early today. I've been under a lot of work stress. So I didn't drink myself to sleep. Earlier I was having withdrawals from trying to quit smoking, and threw up from the massive headache. Result? Seeing I wouldn't fall asleep in the bed, I went to the couch- and felt like I was still awake for about an hour- when I realized I was stuck. Every time my eyes panned over to the small closet door all of the light in the room was sucked out- it was already completely dark- it was more like the small door was certainly just barely holding back some evil force- sucking in all of the life from the room.

I was really starting to get nervous. I couldn't move or think, but every time I looked over there- it got stronger. As the room started to twist around me- I looked as far as my eyes could from the room- and saw what I could make out as a man or a figure- wearing, what a sack on his head? Clearly distorted- but right at the foot of the couch- practically right on top of me- reaching down or out with the bag, or to strangle me.

So I tried to get my arms out- and the only thing I could do was "yell" for help. But what came out of my mouth was the thinnest- quietest- ghoulish rasps of a scream. Like a cold wind that carries a distant scream in the middle of the night, making you unsure of if you heard anything. I snap out of it- and I fall out of the couch with my arms sticking out. I hear my friends waking up- from the adjacent rooms. They meet in the hallway- "what was that?!" "It sounded like it came from outside?'

No- No guys, that was me! I stated clearly, and went to open the door. Apologizing sincerely and explaining I'd had a nightmare (I wish). They seriously looked freaked the fuck out, not in the is someone trying to break in way- but the "jesus christ that soykaf was creepy" way. Now I'm downstairs in the kitchen having a double fucking rum and coke because fuck that I am not being strangled by whatever the fuck is haunting my own brain (probably created by myself as a way to see that I suffer for my shortcomings in life due to my tendency for my hyper-self-criticism).

This is not the first time I've woken up fighting a ghost, spectre, vampiric ghoul trying to strangle me in my sleep. I'm usually more able to move and fight out of it- but I hadn't put it together very well until now. My god, am I going to have to keep drinking and smoking to prevent myself from having hallucinations that aim to strangle me every night? That will absolutely fuck up my productivity and prevent me from really doing any long term planning or holding a good relationship- it's been a clear factor in fucking up almost all of my relationships so far.

Or am I just being overly rational about this soykaf? Because yeah that creeped the soykaf out of me.


You have most likely experienced sleep paralysis, it's the way your brain naturally shuts off the motor control of your body during sleep so you don't hurt yourself acting out from dreams. Sometimes, often with bad sleeping habits, you can wake up mentally while your body is still in sleep paralysis. It can feel like you can't breathe nor move, and you can experience visual (and other) hallucinations. There are techniques to stop the experience, if you find it unpleasant: disrupting your breathing makes you naturally wake up, so try holding your breath and you'll be fully awake in no time.
Stick to a regular sleep schedule, don't fall asleep intoxicated, and your sleep will improve. I have heard it takes about 4 days for your sleep cycle to adjust. More days might be needed to lessen the occurrences of sleep paralyses.
Additionally, sleep paralysis is a great way to experience very interesting dream states like lucid dreams and out of body experiences. If you can remain calm and focused, instead of waking up, you might be able to fall asleep again while being fully conscious. If you want to explore your mind, you can make use of the sleep paralyses to help you achieve these remarkable states, but that's for another /psy/ topic.


Stop drinking and start meditating


I'll echo some prior posters, try to drop alcohol. There's safer chemical comforts if you look, but alcohol has got to be one of the more dangerous legal ones.


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Wow. It happened again. And in a big way…

I cut back on drinking and adjusted my sleep cycle. No problems until this weekend. It was a massively irresponsible weekend of partying. It's awfully interesting when you're trying to skeep and suddenly there are four shadow people at the foot of your bed.

I tried to stay calm as they climbed on the bed. I turned to the right to find one face to face… dripping out of the wall.

Instead of screaming I said "no! No no!" I grabbed my phone and anywhere the light went they dissapeared. So I jumped out of bed and got to the light switch as fast as I could. I had to duck under one of them. I tried jabbing another. But it was always just millimeters from my strike.

I hit the lights and sat on top of the table- holding an omamori in one hand and my naval Saber in the other. Looking in the corners. Seeing if the shadows were moving.

Then I heard it. A buzzing. A buzzing like a bee. A large bee. A monster bee. soykaf's Kaiju tier.

I slowly look over my head to the fan. Where a massive hornet is circling the light like a kid who's had too much caffiene. I was still not fully awake… the bastard was casting a shadow as it circled the light at Mach 5. On the wall… the shadow grew to the size of a person. And then the shadow became a person. A swirling mass of arms and heads. Laughing and dancing as it grew and shrank. Running across the wall and turning it blacker and blacker.

The Kaiju hornet. Where did it come from where did it go? I set the Saber down and picked up the drawing book for the Manga I'm working on. Psychocidal. I waited for the demonic hornet to land, and I slammed that motherfucker with the force of four fat yeets. Sucks to suck Cotton Eyed Joe.

I lifted the book.. and that rat bastard was smeared across the cover. The shadows were gone. The Dick skinner was real. I sighed deeply. I stomped the bug like it was 1990s Klendathu and my name was Johny Fuckin Rico

I was getting back to bed, and I froze. Right behind me, as if it was over my shoulder. An opera of buzzing. I flipped around so fast I fell on the bed and dropped my good luck charm.

Through a Crack in the ceiling. One. Two. Seven. A dozen. Hornets were screaming down and flying around the room like a mess of helicopters.

Nope.jpeg I almost yeeted myself out the window. But ran out and closed the door. Apparently we have a hornet nest in the attic.

Thank God I move out in a week.

So yeah. Time to start meditating and more regular sleep. Im gonna get holy water and #bless the soykaf out of this room though.


What can I legally get that is safer than alcohol?
I live in Germany, and while I theoretically have contacts that could get me illegal drugs, I am extremely anxious about those people and don't fully trust that their supply is clean.
Is there anything I can get from a store or order online?


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wow, odd. I posted 699 from my phone- I'm not from Germany, different guy. But yeah, how is alcohol both everywhere and demanding to be had- but also one of the worst things for you, and very judgmental.


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It's an ingrained part of culture. People used to drink it partially because it was safer than water. It's very easy to produce and can be done in many different ways across the entire globe. People inherited wine yards for hundred of years, making it familial. It's part of religious ceremonies. It's consumed along with food, which itself is an even larger part of culture. It's distinguished between specific regions of specific countries. There's a social aspect to it. The direct negative effects of alcohol weren't in the past nearly as apparent to people compared to other drugs. Etc, etc, etc, etc.


sleepy drugs

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