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/art/ - art and design

art. design. origami. photography. writing.

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Help me fix this shit.

Kalyx ######

File: 1523613408917.jpg (873.74 KB, 1512x1890, nxz6Ytb.jpg)


Hello Alice,
let's review your writings.
I'll start with a poem I wrote:

I am sad, look at those clouds, look at this dark sky
I am happy, look at this rain, dropping on my bike, dropping on my glasses
These sounds, making me move, making me groove
This music, running threw my boots, dancing on the roofs

I am biking threw the music, coming from the dark skys
Rushing threw the city lights, surfing on the rainy roads
Faster then the cars, my heart is beating
Frech air in my face, nothing stays in place

Everything is moving, music and my breath
People in a rush, driven by the rain
Time is flowing, sadness is growing
Happiness in my heart, breathless ongoing


You are spelling is atrocious.


Your grammar is atrocious.

Though to be fair, you do have incorrect spelling all throughout.
>threw vs through
"Threw" is the past tense of "to throw." I'm pretty sure you meant "through."
Should be "fresh"
Should be "skies"

Otherwise I like the lyricism of the poem. It's pretty to listen to. The rhyming is a bit cliche, and the content makes your poem sound more like a superficial pop song. But overall not terrible.


You are sense of irony is non-exist.

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